Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
Spaztic Chyld who took a small break from his studies to come up with this.

Subj: They Do Exist!!!
Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 at 01:33:56 am EDT



The year is 2027 and the people of Earth are just barely coming out of their global recession with a new, united, cross-continental, world government- the United World Allegiance (UWA). After the fall of the global stock market, trust in any form of currency other than physical wealth- such as jewels and priceless artifacts- was pretty much nonexistent. It took the brilliant fiscal minds of our time, and a lot of persuading, to bring together the new credit system. The people of Earth were finally making way for a harmonious existence. We were ready to travel to the stars again. Then, they came…

“This is Roy Rowder with the Global News Network, bringing you a live feed from this most memorable of experiences!!!” Every vid panel across the world was suddenly diverted from their regularly scheduled programs to this wondrous event. The screen panned from the reporter to a huge metallic-like object settling down on the grounds outside of the UWA Main Campus. “We’re getting reports from inside the UWA that are confirming that our first ever extraterrestrial communication has taken place! They are going to meet and talk with our government about possible trade agreements!!” The reporter was ecstatic and obviously beside himself for being the one to report this monumental occasion.


Inside the UWA, Chancellor Chen was preparing to meet the newcomers. “How long ago was their last communication?”

“About two minutes ago, sir.” responded his aid, who was holding a data pad for him to read. “They are very fluent in our common tongue, sir, and their main spokesperson has requested a personal meeting with you immediately, concerning the first steps to joining them in intergalactic space exploration.”

“Amazing. Simply amazing.” Chancellor Chen muttered to himself as the doors opened and he walked out onto the lawn of the Main Campus. “What did they say they called their race?”

“Prime, sir.”

There, before him, hovered the ship of the Prime people. Suddenly, a hatch opened near the mid –fore section of their vessel. A bright light beamed down and on it descended a lithe-looking creature. Its head was low, and near the ground and its body curved up and back down again to where it was supported by three limbs, any of which could be feet or hands as we know them. When it touched the ground, it lifted its head to the height of the chancellor’s, but could have easily lifted it another six feet into the air, for a full height of about twelve feet tall.

“Good day.” It said, raising one of its tiny limbs and extending it as if to shake hands. “I believe it is the custom of your people to greet each other in this fashion.” Its huge brown eyes were not dissimilar to those of the human race, only slightly larger and unblinking.

“Good day. I am…”

“Chancellor Chen. I know.” The alien interrupted as they shook hands. “ I am Torbach of the people Prime.” It looked from Chancellor Chen to his aid and back again. “We have been monitoring your people for some time now and have become aware of your oneness which you have achieved.” Again it looked at the Chancellor's aid who was trying not to be frightened. Sensing this awkwardness, it looked back to Chancellor Chen and continued its prepared statement, “We are a peace-loving people from a galaxy far from here. I am sent to assure you that we mean you no harm, but would like to seek a trade agreement for some of your resources.”

“What exactly are we talking about here? You need something that we have here?”

“Yes, and I’m positive that you will find it not a burdensome request either.”

“Why Earth? Why now?” the Chancellor asked in unbelief.

“When we noticed the change of your world order, we began preparing our people to make contact with your world. We began to take samples of your viruses and bacterium. Later we tested air, soil and water samples to make sure we could contact you without either your people or ours fearing a possible outbreak killing off either of our peoples. For, you see, your world, through its long neglect by your people, has developed what you refer to as ‘acid rain.’ This is a vital commodity on our home world and we could help you alleviate your world’s health problems by removing only that which is harmful to you from your atmosphere.”

“And in exchange we’d get what exactly?” Chancellor Chen asked in honest curiosity.

“Your people will receive access to some of our technology- that which you need to travel to the stars beyond your solar system.”

“It’s a deal!”

The two shook hands and Torbach returned to his ship.

“You saw it here live folks! Torbach and the people of Prime are going to be helping us better our world and get to the stars!!!” I’ll keep you updated as new events unravel! Stay tuned!”

“We now return to your regularly scheduled program.”