Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
Visionary

Subj: Rules, Fouls and Penalties-- The Conclusion
Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 at 07:36:46 pm EDT




Go to Part 1
Go to Part 2







Once upon a time there stood a tower in the darkness along a windswept shore, shining a warning out to all who could see it. "Stay "away" it informed them, "Danger". The warning was for one's own good, to protect from the risk of catastrophe. But for those that lived there, the light was a beacon calling them home... for some people lived with risks, and were best not sheltered from them.






The old Lighthouse was calm, as the afternoon sunbeams slanted in lazy shafts of light through the windows, illuminating the dust that danced in the air currents. The old polished wood floor gleamed warmly against the cool stone walls, which only muted the sounds of surf and seagulls slightly. The new owner had worked hard to scrub away all the haunted remnants of the previous tenant, and the building responded well to such care, radiating a welcoming feeling now. The Great Woolly Gabbo in the second floor linen closet testified that the change was really quite remarkable, and that hardly any cursed dead things dragged themselves under the floorboards at night any longer, all having chosen to relocate to a more reputable neighborhood for soul-shattering visions of absolute terror... especially after what had happened to the Doom Gerbil.

For the Fairy Princess Magweed, the house itself was near palatial, especially compared to the tiny cottage that had been the only home she had known previously. Here, there were countless people to interact with (or to not interact with, depending on the rule), and most importantly, there were people that loved her and her brother. This house was where she felt safest... Where she was happiest... Where she didn't have to be the least self-conscious. This home was perfect.

It was.

She felt the eyes of Samantha Featherstone watching her carefully, and shifted uneasily where she had stood watching the front door. She ducked her head guiltily, though she had no idea what she was feeling guilty for, and brushed her long, stringy hair back behind her ear. "I guess we're not going to be going to the ball game today... huh?" she asked to break the awkward silence. "Sorry about that."

"Nobody blames you" Samantha noted matter-of-factly, sitting on the cold hearth of the unlit fireplace.

"Yeah, it's that crazy-lady's fault... and all those jerks gathering at the other side of the bridge. I knew she was trouble" Griffin asserted, perched on the overstuffed armrest of the family sofa. "And crazy. That's all she was... right Glory?"

"She was a bad woman" the mutt of might concurred darkly, having retrieved her translation device. "She did not behave well."

Magweed stood leaning around the over-sized door frame that led out to the foyer, looking to the sunbeams slanting down through the glass of the front door and onto the carpet. She had been told by the border collie to stay away from the windows. "I don't think she was... Bad, that is" she noted softly. "I don't think she was a bad person."

Griffin snorted. "I don't care what gift Godmother Cleone gave you... You're using it wrong. Anybody who talks that way to my sister is a very bad woman."

"Yes" Glory agreed with a growl. "But we are only being cautious now, so you should not be scared. Dominic says she does not look like a threat."

"Maybe she's left her blood-red armor and big ax at the cleaners" Griffin noted bitterly.

Samantha smiled. "If only all the bad guys really went by a dress code, like I had to at school" she agreed.

Griffin smirked. "The Parody Master would look great in a pleated skirt."

"Ha-ha, bird-brain. But you know what Glory meant. The Legion is checking this mystery woman out... and they're very good." She stood up and brushed her hands together. "Well, if we're going to be staying here this afternoon, then there's no reason to sit around being all mopey. How about we make popcorn and then we can play some Carcassonne?"

Magweed caught the older girl's subtle nod, and followed her into the warm kitchen off of the Lighthouse's great room. "Griff will probably want Cajun popcorn" she grimaced theatrically as she pulled the step stool over to the cabinet with the seasonings. "He needs everything to have as much flavor as possible."

"Ugh... We'll make him a side bowl" Sam decided, putting some oil in the bottom of a pot on the stove. They had some microwave popcorn as well, but as her grandfather had showed her, sometimes the older ways were so much better. "So..." she said as she poured out the kernels into a measuring cup. "...How badly does this house arrest bug you?"

The frail girl paused only briefly before rummaging through the spices again. "I'm fine... really. Actually, I was... a little bit scared about the baseball game" she confessed.

"Mmmm" Sam noted. "Which is probably why you were looking forward to it so much." She made a face at Maggie's surprised reaction. "What? You don't think I've been paying attention to all those stories Griff tells about the Mythlands? About the princess who crept out the window every night to brave Gothemander-infested forest? Who talked to every single woodland inhabitant that Auntie forbid contact with?" She smirked. "You don't fool me... I have no doubt which of you twins was advising caution and which was looking for new, scary adventures. You may be shy around people, and you know how to play the respectful, obedient little girl... But you're a trouble-maker at heart, Naari Magweed. You only master the rules so you can learn how to break them, and you're already beginning to think about how to sneak out your bedroom window and cross that bridge when the time comes."

"I'm not..." Maggie objected, slightly alarmed. "I don't..." She looked crestfallen. "I'm happy here. It shouldn't remind me of... then."

Samantha added the corn and shook the pot back and forth across the burner to keep the popping kernels from burning. "That's because the people out there on the other side of the bridge are changing how you see it. When you're here because you want to be, then it's a refuge... it's home. But when you're here because of the danger they represent... because they don't want you out there, well... Then I just have to ask that adventuresome princess from the Mythlands: What are we going to do about it?"




"Mac Fleetwood" the man identified himself to the Detonator Hippo on guard duty in the main hall of Lair Mansion. "I'm here to see Hallie."

"Yer nae oan th' list" the exploding herbivore noted, flipping through the pages on its clipboard. He eyed the Reverend suspiciously. "What's yer business wi' th' bonnie hen, then?"

There was a flash of green light, and the bonnie hen in question joined them. "It's all right Dougal... Thank you" she said, giving the enormous bipedal hippo a weary smile and a pat on the arm. The enormous security guard nodded and withdrew, leaving her alone with her guest. "Mac" she greeted him warmly with a hug. "I wasn't expecting you..."

"So I gathered..." the pastor of the Zero Street Mission noted, falling into step beside her as she led him through the great hall to an unoccupied drawing room. "Things are definitely on high alert around here today. I'm glad you showed up before we got to the strip search..."

"The hippos take security very seriously, but it likely wouldn't have come to a body cavity search in your case."

"I should hope not..." he noted with a mild glance over his shoulder back to the foyer. "Did you see the size of their hands?"

The holographic woman smiled, but her eyes weren't in it. "Sorry... we had something of an incident this morning."

He nodded with a grimace. "Yes, I thought something like that might be happening after I read this morning's paper. I thought I'd come by and see if you needed any support."

Hallie turned to face him, clasping her hand together in front of her in an uncomfortable fidget. "I... that's sweet, Mac. But I'm okay... it was just a little scare this morning from an... overzealous protester. Everything's fine now."

"Of course" he said readily. "Only why does you look as if you feel like crying?"

She summoned a chevalier expression. "I'm not going to cry. I'm presenting troop deployment diagrams to the joint chiefs, rerouting intelligence data to the pentagon, and coordinating the mansion budget details for the next quarter with Amber. I'm a professional, in a highly important administrative role... I'm not about to fall apart on the job."

"You're doing all of that and talking to me at the same time?" Mac asked, blinking in surprise.

"Yes" she confirmed.

"So then you're free to have a shoulder to cry on here behind closed doors if you should want to?"

"I..." The holographic woman blinked her eyes rapidly and swallowed, her mask falling away. "Okay" she agreed.




The string of obscenities that the acting Lair Legion chairman was venting as he came through the doors of his quarters was impressive, even for him. CrazySugarFreakBoy rocketed through the door, bouncing off the walls with pent up frustration before he saw his wife and daughter looking up at him mildly from an overstuffed chair by the window.

"Don't worry, Iris" April Alice Apple Foxglove noted wryly, bouncing the exuberant baby girl on her knee to break her stunned reaction. Iris giggled extravagantly. "Daddy's just expressing himself with some inventive freeform verse. It's the sailor's form of poetry. Well, that and the limerick. When you're older, I'm sure he'll teach you about the girl from Nantucket."

"Nartukthle!" Iris cooed delightfully.

"Yes, your first words are gonna be an adventure, aren't they?" April grinned, rubbing noses with the squirming little ball of energy. She kept the smile and the eye-lock with the tiny girl as she addressed her husband. "I heard about what happened this morning..."

The Wired Wonder sighed, running a hand through his orange hair. "Yeah... sorry about the entrance, it's just been..." His frustration rose again as he swung a copy of the morning's news back and forth in the air. "Have you read this *&%!?"

"Flapjack showed me a copy. I had much the same reaction you had. Only quieter, since the baby was sleeping. And I may have mentioned something about the reporter's attraction to goats." She turned a glance out the window. "You can see them out there, gathered at the end of the bridge..."

Dream gathered his daughter up in his arms as he bounced backwards onto the bed, working off the residual energy. "Don't remind me... I'm likely to roll Spaz's pokeball down the causeway and see what happens when he pops open down there..." He made a string of goofy faces for his daughters benefit, and found his own anger lessening somewhat as a result. Now he just felt sad and tired.

"How are the twins?" April asked.

"They're fine... Glory is with them."

"That's not what I meant..."

Dream nodded. "I don't know... I was going to go check on them next." He sighed. "This whole thing is such a mess. I wish Hatty were here... he'd know how to handle this in a LL leader-type way."

"Well, he's not" April observed succinctly. "There's just you, and while you're an LL leader-type now, you're also a father... which I say makes you that much more qualified. So the question is... what's your way of handling this?"

Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove looked up into his loving daughters eyes and considered it.




"Miss Nates was just remanded into federal custody" Dominic Clancy, aka Mr. Epitome reported to those gathered in the situation room. "They'll handle any further investigation and file appropriate charges when the time comes, though I don't imagine it will add up to much more than a slap on the wrist for trespassing in a restricted area. Her press credentials will make even that hard to stick, if the Trombone decides to back her."

"You know Jerkson will" Yuki observed with a cat-like flex from where she was seated. "If for no other reason than he doesn't like super-types telling reporters what they can and can't do."

"In any event, I'm convinced that Miss Nates acted alone and without any violent intent, and doesn't represent a coordinated move by a larger threat." He scowled. "This time, anyway."

"Aye, an' we'll 'ave th' full report oan the security breakdoon with th' recommended changes finished this afternuin, sae as t' see this does nae happen again" Sgt. MacHarridan assured the table with a grim face.

Herbert P. Garrick finished polishing his glasses with his handkerchief and returned them to his nose. "So it was a minor breach that represented no appreciable threat" he summed up. "But one that seemingly proved the contents of this morning's newspaper reports true by consuming a significant amount of Legion time and resources away from the business of defending this planet. Does anyone care to tell me why that was?"

Amber St. Clare leaned forward. "On the whole, I think that the response by the team was largely restrained, considering..."

"Exactly" Citizen Z cut in from her seat at the head of the table, where she had convened this review panel. "You simply can't expect men and women with so much personally invested in their family lives to devote their entire focus on the needs of the world over their immediate personal crisis. As the current standards of Legion Leadership make no effort to dissuade such people from serving, it's patently unfair that the governments of the world expect us to adhere to any other conduct." She sniffed. "Frankly, you should be thankful things only went as far as they did. Ah! Case in point... Come in, Reverend Fleetwood !" she waved to the figure who had just opened the door to the conference room in response to her summons. "Please, have a seat and tell us how the lynchpin to our worldwide communications array is holding up."

The pastor nodded in greeting to the the rest of the room as he took a seat. "Surprisingly, quite well, actually."

The acting deputy chairwoman's head raised in surprise. "Really? I thought the poor dear looked a little frayed at the edges, all things considered. You can speak freely in here, by the way. The conference room is designed against electronic eavesdropping."

"Hallie wouldn't spy on a private Legion meeting even if it wasn't" Mr. Epitome stated flatly.

"Now, one not expressly private, maybe..." Yuki noted with a good natured snort of agreement.

"Regardless..." Citizen Z responded, turning back towards the pastor. "What's your honest assessment of how she is dealing with the stress?"

He shrugged. "I gave it. She's showing remarkable determination and professionalism. Has there been some kind of drop-off in her production during all of this? Some dereliction of duty?"

"No" Amber confirmed before the chairwoman could respond.

"She hasn't broken down and cried then?" the masked woman at the head of the table asked intently.

"On the job? I think it would take much more than this to get her to do such a thing. I think the generals in the war room would cry in front of her before it ever happened the other way around. Which is really quite remarkable, when you consider what she's been through."

"A harsh comment from some middle-aged reporter?" Garrick sneered.

Mac shook his head. "No... the confirmation of everything she predicted long ago, before this parody war even got to full throttle. The first time she came to see me, she was distraught over the deaths of the Robosapiens in her care. We've talked regularly since then... someone without taste buds has to help make the communion bread, after all... it's tradition." He glanced over to Mr. Epitome. "Did you realize that she's quickly surpassed you in the amount of hate mail she regularly receives? At least here at the mansion, anyway..."

Dominic Clancy straightened in surprise, and his expression darkened.

"Ach, who would go an' hate the wee lass?" Sgt. MacHarridan asked, baffled.

"Humans who hate A.I.s" Dominic supplied grimly. "Humans who hate A.I.'s having relationships with humans. A.I.s who hate A.I.s having relationships with humans..."

"There are plenty in the Robosapien community who blame her for a role in the persecution of their kind. There are plenty in the human community who count her among the A.I.s who raise the threat of the Parody Master breaking through the defense barrier... especially after her "take over the world" comments on national television." Mac elaborated with agreement.

"And she knew ahead of time that this would all spill over onto Maggie and Griff when their identities went public" Yuki surmised. "And more... Robosapiens are going to feel threatened that they'll be used as breeding equipment for humans. Hell, humans who are infertile or have complications will be begging Hallie to bring their own children to term... and I don't want to even know what kind of response the religious wackos will have to all this." She glanced over to the pastor. "Er... no offense."

"None taken" the Reverend Fleetwood assured her.

Amber looked ill. "Why haven't we seen any of this hate mail?"

"Who sorts the incoming post?" Yuki pointed out. "With the internet, hate-mail doesn't even cost the use of a stamp any more."

Mac nodded. "So you see, having all of this hanging over her and then finding out that there was yet another front of hatred that she hadn't even been considering..."

"Desmond Djinn and his warped fanbase" Dominic said. "Add to that the threats from Camellia and those within the faerie community, and again you have hatred coming in from all sides of an issue."

"Exactly that" Mac confirmed. "Today, the world must have seemed like the most petty, spiteful, unwelcome place to her... where she and those she loves were targeted from every possible side. And what did she do?" He looked around the table. "She did her job, working to help protect us all as if it were any other day." He turned back towards Citizen Z. "You ask me if she's handling this well? I can say with all honesty that there's nobody I'd want handling her responsibilities more."

"I'm so glad to hear it" Citizen Z stated in an oddly strained voice from under her mask.

Garrick sighed and pushed away from the table. "All right then... I'll pass along our conclusions on the incident to the President. At least this whole thing didn't turn into some kind of damn circus..."




The front door of the Lighthouse popped open and a day-glow grinning face stuck inside. "Don't shoot... I come in peace!" CrazySugarFreakBoy stated before bounding the rest of the way inside, Iris in one arm and his toddler brother Oliver in the other. "How's the circling of wagons going at the old homestead?"

"Very good, thank you" Glory responded, wagging her tail as she looked up from the game they were playing. "Although Griffin's popcorn is making me sneeze."

"Only because he dumped every seasoning he could find on it" Samantha noted, taking a new terrain tile from the box and looking for a spot to place it on the board. "With this house, he's lucky he didn't accidentally create some kind of resurrection brew."

"Griffinth have verthy advanthed tasthe budths" the boy asserted through a mouthful of kernels.

"Great! Then you're all ready for some ice cream" Dream suggested.

"Ice cream?" Maggie asked. "Before dinner?"

"It's when it tastes best" the Legionnaire assured her. "And I know this great malt shop right across the bridge..."

Glory raised a furry eyebrow. "What are you up to?" she woofed.

"Nuthin'" CSFB responded innocently, rocking back and forth on his heels. "I was just feeling a little cooped up and thought I'd go for a stroll. Anybody interested?"

Samantha and Griffin exchanged glances and turned to Magweed. She looked around the table, and then back up to Dream. "I'm interested."

The Lair Chairman nodded. "Well then" he said, his eyes narrowing. "What do you say we go wherever we like, regardless of who's temporarily in our way?"

Glory and CrazySugarFreakBoy led the way out of the Lighthouse and down the cobblestone road that connected it to the main drive on Lair Island, nodding to the various security forces and troops stationed at points along the way. "You are moving like a predator..." Glory noted, her eyes focused on the crowd coming into view across the bridge. "...Like your father."

The Wired Wonder let that pass. "Do you think this is a bad idea?"

"I think it is not good to allow oneself to be cornered in one's den" she noted neutrally.

"Any chance you'd let anyone out there hurt these children?"

Her lips peeled back from her gleaming white teeth with determination. "No."

CSFB's lips did the same as they led the procession down the bridge. "Then we're in agreement."




"I'm going to have to boil your husband's eyes in their sockets..." Hallie seethed, crackling with electricity.

April nodded as she walked down the stairs in the main hall. "Only after I do some rather nasty things to other parts of his anatomy... and not in the way he likes, either." She let out a string of profanity that was far from poetic. "Of all the hair-brained stunts... If I had known he was going to pull something like this without asking, I would never have..."

"What?" Hallie asked, turning towards her. "You put him up to this?!"

"Nah..." a new voice chimed in from the front door. The two women turned to see Meggan Foxxx setting down some shopping bags just inside the hall. "That was definitely just my Dream being Dream. When he gets an idea in his head, it's hard to make it rattle out his ears before his whole body starts moving with it."

"He took my children to face a mob!" Hallie growled. "How could he do such a thing without getting permission?!"

"I believe I gave it to him..." another voice answered apologetically. The door swung open further to reveal Miiri in a light sundress with her own bags. "I am sorry, dear sister... Meg and I were across town when we heard of any of this. Dream called to tell us what had happened, and what he planned to do about it."

"And you agreed with it?"

"My Dream vs. a bunch of ignorant racists who want to protest over and intimidate our children?" Meg scoffed. "C'mon hon... that wasn't even a sporting match before you add in Glory and a bunch of explosive Hippopotomi. Not to mention the full crushing hammer that could come down on them in a moments notice had the rest of the Lair been alerted." She sniffed. "For what it's worth, Dream made verbal mince-meat out of them, in front of a full corps of reporters. He even managed to get a couple of the ringleaders to brag about being with the Pogroms of Purity and make the moderates in the crowd feel like they had just been caught showering intimately with Adolf Hitler. I think little Maggie might have had a hand in helping to pick out who among the crowd to focus on."

"So there wasn't any violence?" April asked carefully.

Meg shrugged, a dangerous action with her halter top. "One of the dickless wonders was stupid enough to try something. Glory had dragged him half a mile through the surf and back before he even let go of the rock he was about to throw. He's probably still puking up jellyfish." She smiled vindictively. "As for the kids, they're sitting in the ice cream parlor across the way. Tomorrow's papers will have front pages with some adorable children eating ice cream, and let's see anybody stir up the public into seeing them as faceless bogeymen after that. Plus, at least we won't have to worry about the damn paparazzi constantly trying to sneak a shot of the mystery offspring of the Legion."

The holographic woman allowed the electricity around her to die out, leaving her looking small and tired as a result. "I don't know that I have the energy left to think about tomorrow" she admitted.

"Meg, April... May I have a moment alone with Hallie?" Miiri inquired gently.

"Sure, hon. C'mon..." she waved to her daughter-in-law. "I got a couple of goodies for you when we were at the lingerie shop..."

April patted Hallie gently on the shoulder in support as she passed. "You know... I'm probably still going to do some nasty things to Dream's anatomy when he gets back" she informed Meg as they climbed back up the stairs. "Although maybe I'll let him enjoy a couple of them..."

Miiri sat down on the bottom stair, drawing Hallie down beside her. "I am sorry for your day" she noted. "I would not have handled it as well as you, I think."

The holographic woman snorted. "You mean by nearly having a nervous breakdown? Yeah, I'm the gold standard." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me what Dream was planning?"

The former slave girl who had been used cruelly since childhood put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "I truly believed it was necessary for the children to learn to face such scorn and hold themselves above it. But I also knew it might be hard on them to face such things, and that seeing it would cut you to the bone."

"What if I can't do this?" Hallie asked miserably. "What if I'm holding them back?"

"The women of my house once said that a noble child of Caph is like a great, flowing river. When they are just a stream, we clear the riverbed to let them flow, and then contribute our knowledge as tributaries to make them grow. Once they are flowing, no one can hope to turn the current from its destiny." Miiri smiled at her. "You couldn't hold back the raging water if you tried... and you above all would fight to clear their way. That is why you are a hero."

Hallie drew a deep breath. "There are so many battles ahead of them."

"They will meet the challenge wonderfully. They are special children" Miiri insisted, then playfully added "So... what flavor of ice cream is Griffin eating?"

The holographic woman jumped with a start and flushed guiltily, watching the laughing group in the parlor across from the island through a remote HED device. "If my color mixing class from my art school days was any indication, I'd say... all of them?" She chuckled and leaned her head on the Caphan's shoulder. "I don't think you get that color of swirled purple-ish brown without mixing at least half the palette together..."





Epilogue:



The sun was setting over the city when Miiri walked down the wooden stairway to the beachfront, her green skin gleaming in the orange sunset. Despite the oncoming end of summer, her skin feature no goosebumps even with only a thin bikini replacing her earlier sundress. Reaching down, she plucked her daughter's glove from the sand and affectionately brushed the stubborn crystals off of it, then held it close.

"I think I found all of the baseballs..." a gruff voice noted from behind her, dropping the equipment bag by her feet.

"Thank you Tanner..." she said warmly. "That was very considerate."

The huge werewolf shrugged. "Are we waiting for Hallie?"

"Hallie and the Legion are heroes" Miiri insisted quietly. "This is for those of us who are not."

He raised an eyebrow, but let it go. "You're the boss, Barona." With a nod, the two of them fell in step side-by-side as they made their way down the beach. "Urthula is sure she can scare up plenty of volunteers, and of course Ruby is with you. Johnstantine says he has an angle he wants to play, if you'd care to trust him... Not that I'd advise that on my worst day, but there's an off chance he can be of help without tangling us up in one of his own damned labyrinthine schemes."

The Barona of Perfectgaard nodded. "Will that be enough?"

Tanner made a face. "For starters, yeah... But even without the man who founded them, Djinn's operations are large... nobody knows just how large. It'll take time to infiltrate them enough to find out. And then it'll take more men... maybe a lot more. We can find more, though... Everyone has wanted to move against Djinn for years. The danger has always been starting a war you can't finish... one that gets a little too public. And everyone's a little hesitant to sign up for a new war just now."

Miiri nodded, squeezing her daughter's glove to her chest. "Then we wait, and we learn. And when we know enough, and we have enough men to cover the entire operation, then we move." Her eyes gleamed with a cold light in the growing shadows of the coast. "And we make sure that we don't leave a single soul left on their side to make war..."