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doesn't want to know what it suggests about handsome ne'er-do-wells.

Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 2,131
In Reply To
Manga Shoggoth

Member Since: Fri Jan 02, 2004
Posts: 391
Subj: I could use one of those handy Shepherdson guideline cards in dealing with people as well.
Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 at 01:29:27 am EST (Viewed 386 times)
Reply Subj: Dancer #46a: "No, really. The last thing you wish to do with a horde of insane, frothing, unwashed Cultists of an Elder God is imagine them naked."
Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 at 08:39:57 am EST (Viewed 507 times)


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Dancer #46a: "No, really. The last thing you wish to do with a horde of insane, frothing, unwashed Cultists of an Elder God is imagine them naked."


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Originally posted on Tales of the Parodyverse by Manga hoggoth.


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(c) 2008 A. C. Leeson. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works.


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> [The Scene: A secluded table in the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar, where an apparently lone female figure sits reading a slightly charred menu while the tall, granite-faced waiter stands ready to take her order.]
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> Most Holy Ebony of Nubilia, High Priestess of the Cult of the Shoggoth (for it is she): Hmmm... I think I will have...
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> Dark Thugos, Master of Apocalypse, Master of Destruction, Ex-Destroyer of Tales, currently employed at the Bean and Donut for reasons of plot in as far as a Dancer series is likely to have one (for it is he): Yes?
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> Ebony: I will have the skinny latte, with extra chocolate shavings, marshmallows and cream. With a side order of a large hot chocolate with marshmallows and a sushi roll. Hold the charcoal.
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> Dark Thugos (reading carefully off a small card tucked into his order pad): I ... regret ... that the hot chocolate machine is currently out of order due to a mechanical defect.
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> Ebony: Defect?
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> Dark Thugos: It appears that the machine is not amenable to being beaten by employees when it fails to produce its foaming broth. However, it is not coming off my wages as Sarah assures me that using Michael to wrest the device into submission counts as a mechanical defect.
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> Faint Male Voice Behind Counter: oooooohhhhhh......
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> Ebony: I see. Well, how about... The trifle.
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> Dark Thugos: Which one?
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> Strange Cthonic Voice From Nowhere: All of them, probably. Followed by the galacticide by chocolate.
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> Dark Thugos (checking the cue card again): Your choice of menu appears to align with that of excessively-emotional females overindulging in sweetened cacao-based products... (Checks card a little closer) ... ahem ... females seeking comfort in the face of overwhelming tragedy. At this point I am directed to offer (checks card as well) emotional support and a figurative shoulder to cry on.
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> Ebony: ...
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> Dark Thugos: A stepladder is available on request.
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> Ebony: ...
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> Dark Thugos: Research also indicates that Sarah offers carnal operations to males in certain specific instances, however I have been asked to refrain from doing this in order to prevent the customer from fleeing screaming from the building. And not paying their bill. Which does get taken off my paycheck.
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> Ebony: No. I think the trifles will be sufficient. All I need is a little ballast against a public speaking engagement.
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> Strange cthonic voice from nowhere: She's a little nervous. It's not every day one speaks at the Synod and Convocation of the Illuminated Olericulturic Revisionists of Shrub-Niggurath.
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> Ebony: Not exactly invited.
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> Strange Cthonic Voice From Nowhere: No, but they are an ancient and venerable cult. It will be a great honour for you to speak to them. Briefly.
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> Dark Thugos: We had a chapter of that cult on Apocalyspe. I had it disbanded because they were too nice. I personally invaded their meetings, tore their leaders limb from limb in a bloody frenzy and seared their sheep-like members into non-existence with my entropy eyebeams.
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> Ebony: I see you are familiar with the general form of my address, then.
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> Dark Thugos: Sarah informs me that the correct method of dealing with such nervousness (not that I would ever be assailed with any form of fear) is to imagine that the audience is currently in a state that does not involve any form of material covering.
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> Ebony: That's not a good idea. No, really. The last thing you wish to do with a horde of insane, frothing, unwashed Cultists of an Elder God is imagine them naked.
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> Dark Thugos: I have a break coming. Might I come along for the sake of research and to stop Sarah from trying to set me up on unsuitable dates?
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> Ebony: Why not. It might inspire someone else to write an add-on to this story...
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> Footnotes:
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> Olericulture is the science of vegetable growing, dealing with the culture of non-woody (herbaceous) plants for food.
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