Previous Post Dancer #44: “I’ve done all kinds of things but nobody’s ever asked me to do that before.” Sarah: Eew, no. Sarah: I mean it. I’ve done all kinds of things but nobody’s ever asked me to do that before. I won’t do it. I’m drawing a line. Sarah: No, really. I don’t even know if I can hold that position. I’d probably just collapse. I’d break stuff. Sarah: And I’d be pretty embarrassed with everyone watching. I’ve done some weird, scary stuff in my time but this is… too far. Mr Papadapopolis: But Sarah, Bean and Donut Coffee Bar needs new manager. Sarah: But not me. I can’t manage. Ask anyone. They’ll all tell you I can barely manage. I get confused when there’s more than two keys on a keyring. Mr P: But you always seem to pick the right one first time. Sarah: Yeees, well, that’s just, um, good luck. Same way that handsome coffee salesman happens to call in every time the cappuccino machine filter needs changing. Which reminds me, I need to buy some new underwear. Mr P: You are a natural, Sarah. You will be very good. Sarah: Who have you been talking to? Because really, just because a girl happens to enjoy mint-flavoured… er, you mean as manager of the Coffee Shop, don’t you? Mr P: Look, Sarah, you are good girl. Well, warm-hearted girl anyhow. Generally warm, according to the bathroom graffiti. You can run my Bean and Donut. Everyone happy. Michael Papadapopolis, Mr P’s no-good son: Hey! I’m part of everyone. I’m not happy. I’m your son and I should be running the family business. Mr P: You are idiot who nearly run family business into the ground. Keep doing of washing up and maybe later I graduate you on to sweeping floors. Sarah, previously sacked by Michael for not putting out to keep her job: That seems harsh. But fair. Michael: But I’m your son and heir. Well, I’m your heir if anything happens to Luigi, Frank, Spiro Jr, Mikos, Demetrios and Little Aristotle. Mr P: And our dog Hector. Sarah: But the point is, Mr P, that bad as it was having Michael in charge upsetting the customers and harassing semi-innocent young waitresses who sometimes have to resort to their micro-mini clubbing skirt because of giving their laundry money to old Mr Woldenstein because otherwise he couldn’t have got the bus to see his grand-daughter in Dullard’s Corner and the only alternative was calling up her friend Dancer and having them send a LairJet for him and Hatty said the next time she did that he’d make Dancer actually read all those case reports that the Librarian keeps filing, well no matter how bad that was with Michael I could only mess up worse. Mr P: But Sarah, you run diner all the time when I not here anyhow. You talk with customers, you handle cash, you pay bills, you open up and lock up, you show other waitresses what to do and why not to put hand into customers pocket to get tip. What is different? Sarah: It’s the responsibility, Mr P. I’m not good at responsibility. It’s like, say you were responsible for whole planets living and dying and whether they get sucked up by a giant cosmic Hoover, and say you wake up in the middle of the night sweating and screaming and Enrico has no idea what’s upset you and you have to find an all-night pharmacy to get an inhaler for him… Michael: Are you really sure you want to leave the diner in this girl’s charge, papa? Mr P: Look, I not so young as I used to be, and I am hurt a lot during the Parody War. I am wanting to spend more time with Mrs Papadapopolis in our golden years. Maybe even make little brother or sister to round out the family. I need somebody I can trust to look after my business and take care of things. Sarah, that is you. Sarah: I really don’t think I can, Mr P. I’m not really good at making business decisions. I find it hard to say no. [Glances round worriedly to make sure Visionary isn’t nearby to comment] Visionary, miles away in his lighthouse: I sense a great disturbance in the Force. Mr P: Sarah, who do I put in charge of Bean and Donut? Is it you or Michael. And remember I have petition from all staff and customers about this. Sarah: Couldn’t we get someone more responsible? I’m pretty sure spiffy could find some time between running Badripoor. Or Glory. Glory can organise things. Or… the Hooded Hood? Michael: You heard papa. Me it is then. I’m back! Sarah: Okay, I’ll do it. And I say that remembering how many times I’ve said that before and how long it took to get the digital photos erased. Mr P: Is good! Hey, everyone, let me introduce you to the new manager of the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar. Fresh back from European stage tour and ready to refill your mugs, is our own Sarah Shepherdson. Customers and staff: Yay! Hoorah! Can I get a baklava? Etc. Michael: She hasn’t heard the last of this. Anyhow, where is she going to live? I already rented out that flat upstairs where she used to squat. Sarah: I don’t have a flat? Eep. Where am I going to keep my shoe collection? Mr P: Is okay, Sarah. You have flat. First job as manager is go evict person my idiot son rented it to. Is for you. Go now, tell them to go. Sarah: Um, I don’t know if I can just toss somebody out onto the street. But I’ll go and talk to them. Maybe we can work out a roomie deal or something. [She heads up the back stairs to her two-room apartment] Hello? Roomie? Are you home? Dark Thugos, Master of Apocalyspe, Tyrant of the Sol Empire, Big Scary Major Villain Dude: I am here, Sarah Shepherdson. You have arrived at last. Let us begin! Sarah: This isn’t going to be about a bathroom rota is it? [Continued…]