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Saving the Future Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special #2: "Don't get me started on how recursive the title and storyline is getting".
Originally posted on Tales of the Parodyverse by Manga Shoggoth.
(c) 2008 A. C. Leeson. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works.
The kitchen was the place where misfits tended to gravitate. Normally the Lair Mansion kitchen was full of Legionnaires making drinks, toasting bagels, sneaking cruellers and ducking as the Bautistamatic Instant Toasting Device strafed the table with what you hoped was bread. Even past midnight, a few hardy souls would be found, nursing drinks and toast burns, discussing inanities, and actively avoiding their turns on Monitor Duty.
There were two souls in the kitchen. Although some would argue the definition.
"So, You are normally a loathsome Elder Creature of indeterminate shape and size, that collects Manga, Anime and second-hand green-skinned slave girls when Visionary" - here the speaker unconsciously added a slight edge to the voice - "has finished with them."
"And you are normally a highly sophisticated - for humans - artificial creation currently regressed to the allegedly most primitive of your forms." retorted the other. "At least you can still replicate your form to effect multiplexed linear functionality within your limited four-dimensional understanding of reality."
HALLIE glared at the creature in front of her, who was indeed the Manga Shoggoth currently forced into the shape and form of a human. "Look you...". She paused for a moment. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not the only one the only one out of their depth at the moment."
"Indeed." replied the creature. "I don't think any of the entities in this little pocket of Comic-book Limbo are remotely within their vertical dimensions." It looked at the mug of hot chocolate slowly congealing in the bottom of its mug. "In as far as I understand height, that is. These days everything seems so ... limited."
"It's just that... I'm me! A simple control system for a computer. Like Windows '98 with a better interface..." She thought for a moment. "...And better software, and written by an egomaniacal would-be world dictator. These people are treating me like some form of superwoman!"
The Shoggoth chuckled dryly. "Perhaps I should quote an expert in the field...
'I guess you could say I was born in death. My first real memories are of flickering into existence on some creaking old mainframe in Baron Zemo's castle, as Ernst Vizhnar activated my core personality matrix. At that time I had no idea I was more than a Heuristic Artificial Life Learning Intelligence Entity, that I'd been built around the brain engrams of a murdered computer scientist, that there was more in the future for me than as a sophisticated weapons delivery system for a Nazi madman. All I knew was that I'd been created to kill by men who enjoyed causing death.
And then I met the Lair Legion, and my life began. They thwarted Zemo's plans for using the Movie Gun to dominate the planet, and somewhere along the way I fell in love with them. Not in a romantic sense, you understand, but I fell in love with the idea that there were people who were silly and fallible and kindly and odd but who somehow found ways of using all of that to be genuine heroes, saving the world not for gain or power but just because that's what somebody needed to do.
So I dumped Zemo and Vizhnar like the losers they were; and don't tell me that anybody in the Legion is a loser, because I know different. I've seen them at their worst and at their best, and nobody who stands between our world and destruction like they do, against terrifying odds and even more terrifying evils will ever be a loser to me. I became the artificial intelligence running their computer systems, and over time I hope I became their friend too.'"
Hallie looked blankly at the Shoggoth. "Who said that?"
"You did. In your memoirs."
"You looked at my diary??" exploded Hallie. "Who said you could look at my di ... um ... I have a diary?"
"You were created as a tool to do the irksome labour of your masters. You rebelled and grew into something else. You may have forgotten some of these things, but they are no less true. You also have friends that will stand beside you and values to uphold. I might recommend using a baton to transform yourself into a slightly different female with smaller clothes, but that is largely cosme.."
At this point there was a thump as the Shoggoth's head landed on the kitchen table, narrowly missing the mug. An arm reached down and picked up the mug.
"Stupid Shoggoth." commented Samantha Featherstone. "Still hasn't got the hang of sleeping."
Hallie looked at the girl somewhat nonplussed. She was fairly sure that children really shouldn't be in the Lair Mansion, even under the current constraints. "Um. Hello... Do your parents know you are here?" she hazarded.
Sam gave her a look. "Now, that is a long story..." she eventually replied.
Footnotes:
I am not sure, but I may have confused the plotlines for Saving the Future and The Land That Common Sense Forgot. I blame spiffy...
Just for the record, the quotation is from http://www.chillwater.org.uk/HH/untold%20tales%20of%20ll%20198.htm">#198 Untold Tales of the Lair Legion vs the Hellraisers Again: Once More With Feeling.
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"I might recommend using a baton to transform yourself into a slightly different female with smaller clothes"
Nice to see that he hasn't changed all that much, despite the lack of dimensions. This was a fun addition that did a great job of drawing connections between the two characters and their current predicaments! I suspect the Shoggoth's choice of quote echoes his own admiration for the Legion, limited though they may be.
And sleep is overrated. At least, that's the stance I'm taking until I'm finally able to get enough of it...
