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Hatman looked up sharply from his desk as the door to his office was kicked open. Standing in the doorway was a man dressed in all black; a loose fitting black jacket with black pants and boots, with a large black fedora on his head. He wore a purple mask that covered his entire head, and the only other splash of colour on the outfit at all was the purple band encircling the hat on his head.
"I am here to relieve you of your command, Hatman!" crowed the intruder. "Only I can lead the Lair Legion in this brave new world after the Parody War!"
"Now hold on a minute-!" Hatman began to protest and rise from his chair when the arms of his chair suddenly began to move and bound his arms. He struggled to free himself but found he couldn't move.
"It is useless to struggle," advised the black clad man. With a wave of his hand Hatman's desk disappeared in a blink, a small "pop" sound filling the void. "I control reality itself!"
"Oh yeah? Well, in that case, when you bring my desk back, can you leave the paperwork behind?" Hatman cracked. "It was giving me a headache."
"Who said anything about bringing it back? It is gone forever, much like you soon will be! So swears...the Moderator!" crowed Hatman's captor triumphantly.
"Well, if you're going to be leader of the Lair Legion, you're going to need a desk. And between you and me, after all the damages to the Mansion in the Parody War, it really isn't in the budget to get a new one," Hatman advised.
"The Lair Legion will be a force to be reckoned with, a force that will answer to no one but the Moderator! I will not be bothered with such trivialities!" proclaimed the intruder.
"Well," Hatman eased back in his chair and crossed his right leg over his left, "it sure makes things easier. You have no idea how much the government appreciates that we even make the effort to file reports and work within the system. Jarvis always told them to get the information they needed themselves."
"It matters not! I will obliterate anyone that stands in my way!"
"That could work," conceded Hatman, "but then you don't get the perks."
"Perks?" The Moderator was confused. "What kind of perks?"
"You see that shield on the wall there," Hatman indicated with his head where he was looking. He pointed out an intricate red, gold, and yellow shield, encrusted with a diamond-shaped yellow crest in the middle. "Gift from the Queen of England when I was knighted."
"Trophies matter not! Only safeguarding the earth matters!" proclaimed the Moderator.
"Wow, you shout a lot," Hatman pointed out. "Anyway, check out the picture in the frame next to the shield."
The Moderator turned his back on Hatman while looking at the picture. It looked to be little more than a colourful, crayon-fueled scribble. If he looked closely the Moderator supposed it looked like Hatman. "What is this that it should impress me so?"
A sharp "crack" alerted the Moderator to a problem behind him. Hatman had craned his neck sharply to contact the chair with his head, and he had become one with the chair, and while he did so he broke the arms to the chair and freed himself. Hatman launched himself at the Moderator and punched him in the jaw.
"That picture is from a 4 year old girl that I saved from Anvil Man once. And to be honest, I value it a lot more than that shield there. We're here to not only protect the people, but to work with them!" Hatman punched the Moderator again. "I will not let you pervert the Lair Legion's mission into some bloodlust vengeance kick!"
The Moderator scrambled back and waved his hand. "Let's see how tough you are without your Hatility Belt!" he crowed.
Nothing happened.
"Blast!" cried the Moderator. "I wish my powers worked on people!"
"You want to see how tough I am without the belt? Fine." Hatman undid the Hatility Belt and hung it on a hook behind where his desk had been. He reached up to his head where his black and blue Hatman cap rested, and turned it so it was backwards.
"Let's go."
The Moderator had the ability to erase objects from existence, but he could not create them. Hatman wasn't using any weapons, and his powers could not harm the Capped Crusader. It was over quickly.
Yuki and Mr. Epitome came charging into the room, having heard the ruckus from elsewhere in the Mansion. They found Hatman trussing up the unconscious Moderator.
"What happened here?" asked Mr. Epitome as he used his x-ray vision to sweep the Mansion for more intruders.
"He came to apply for a job." Hatman told him as he reaffixed his Hatility Belt around his waist. "I politely declined."
Yuki tossed the Moderator over her shoulder to take him to a holding cell until he could be transferred to the SAFE. "What're the charges when the cops get here?" she asked.
"Breaking and entering, vandalism, attempted murder," Hatman looked at what was left of his office. "And he owes me a desk."
END
~Hat~
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