Previous Post Well, now that Jeph Loeb is writing The Ultimates instead of Mark Millar, I guess we won't have to deal anymore with the characters acting like patently unlikable mono-dimensional hacked-out embarrassing parodies of themselves OH WAIT NEVER FUCKING MIND ... V.C. Andrews, is that you? Leaving aside the fact that Joe Maduriera has apparently decided that a) Ultimate Wasp is no longer Asian and b) dumping a shitload of Thomas Kincaide earth-tone paints onto his art is a perfect fit for a book that's basically a Michael Bay movie on paper, I love Jan's swooning handclasp at the thought of Ultimate Incest, because if it had come from a writer who hadn't already proven to me that the vast majority of his work is horrifically overrated pabulum, I might almost wonder if it was a metafictional comment on online fandom (I mean, Jan is literally shipping Wanda and Pietro here!). However, this comes to us from the poisoned pen of Jeph Loeb, who follows up on his jaw-droppingly godawful attempt to retcon Wolverine's origin yet the fuck again with a fucking priceless line from Jan to Cap, berating his 1944 brain for not grasping and embracing the modern-day glories of squalid sibling-fucking. Bonus points for the Tony Stark sex video, which makes me imagine Robert Downey Jr. looking in the mirror while he's laying pipe to some chick, in much the same manner as Christian Bale in American Psycho, and singing to himself, "I AM IRON MAN, DANA NANA NANANUH IRON MAN ..." Jeph, when even the sledgehammer-subtle craptastic masturbation of Mark Millar manages to outclass your own writing, you're doing it wrong.

Didn't Millar point out in one of the earlier Ultimates that Wanda and Pietro, as homo superior, consider themselves above the petty social mores of us humans? How dare you judge them!

Seriously, Loeb is an awful, awful writer, and, like Hitch, I don't think Joe Mad's finished work is worth the time it takes to put it out.