Adventures in Parodyverse: Snowed In Part 4


    Al B. Harper shuffled into his lab wearing a robe and slippers, his hair disheveled.  He took a slow sip of hot coffee.  As usual, Tandi was in the upper level surfing the internet.  Not much else was happening, though.  His newly re-assembled charge and sister to Anna, Nena, was nowhere to be found.

    He sighed and shuffled over to his testing rig to go over some of the results he picked up last night before she was fully online and aware.  He was curious about Dr. Lia Anne’s work, how she managed to build an almost perfect human analogue with such simplicity.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You could just ask,”  Nena seemingly answered from behind him, causing him to jump and spill coffee all over his robe.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Uh...ask what?”  he tried to feign ignorance.

    Nena reached over him and tapped the flat-panel display containing data from her memories.  It was far easier to take the data from her, since unlike Anna’s pattern memory, Nena’s digital one did not require extensive reference data to decode.

    Al B Harper turned pale.  Truthfully, he didn’t know Nena well, except that she was exceptionally powerful and had lasers in her eyes.  He could find himself vaporized over the theft.  Not that he hadn’t been threatened with that before, but Kinki usually was quite clear and verbal about it.  Nena was silent and calculating.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do you know what it feels like when someone takes your memories without asking and reads them?”  Nena asked.  “It feels like being disassembled again.  It feels heartbreaking.”

    He looked upstairs at Tandi, who didn’t seem to be reacting to Nena at all.  He hoped she would intervene if Nena tried to do something nasty.

    Instead, Nena circled around, blocking his view of the monitor, and she looked up at him expectingly.  “You can have the memories, because you did rescue me from oblivion.  But for hurting my feelings, you will make it up to me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,”  he agreed quickly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Amy was looking for you earlier, by the way,”  Nena told him as she fetched a towel hanging from a rack in the center of the lab.  “I think she likes you, but why is she so angry with you?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um...it’s a long story,”  he replied.  “Since I can have the memories, can we do some tests?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Nena responded plainly.

    Al sulked.  “Anna is so much more cooperative.”

    Nena frowned.  “Because you didn’t tell her why you’re doing these tests.  I don’t want you to build your own android.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why not?”  he asked, sounding a little annoyed.

    She looked up at a newspaper front page that Al had framed and hung on the wall in the lab.  It congratulated Anna on obtaining citizenship.  “Because you have equal tendencies for heroism and extreme evil.  And I don’t want to have to harm you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You...don’t want to harm me?”

    Nena smiled a little.  “Why, do you think I’m dangerous?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.  I mean, I don’t know.  You’ve only been here a few hours.”

    The android sighed loudly.  “I don’t want you to fear me.  Please listen to me, though.  In the few hours I’ve been here I have not guided you wrong, and I won’t in the future.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, you’re going to be guiding me?”  Al asked with a smile.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m going to find out what Anna is up to.”  Nena rolled her eyes, and then she suddenly left Al’s lab.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Smooth, Al, real smooth.”  Tandi taunted him.


---


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You!”  Hatman stiffened as he pointed at Dark Thugos.

    Lara reached out and grabbed his arm, and pulled him back gently.  “Let’s just short circuit he whole posturing thing.  I know why he’s here, and he knows I know.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Indeed,”  Dark Thugos agreed.  “Shall we go?”

    Lara nodded silently.  And then the two of them were gone, leaving Hatman behind in the bedroom by himself.

    Lara Night felt no fear as she appeared beside the tall, shimmering, dark Wonder Wall.  And because she felt no fear this time, she realized that the Chronicler of Stories was right - the Wall bristled with energy, and pulsed.  And perhaps if she matched that pulse, it really would shatter like a cheap mirror.  But what would that accomplish?

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know you spoke to the Chronicler of Stories, and what he asked you to do,”  Thugos said, sounding very threatening.  “You must not follow his instructions.  Instead, you will merge with--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Lara replied.  “I know what this Wall is now.  It keeps this universe separate from the others.  I pass through it each time I go home, and each time I return here.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Faite told you that,”  he accused.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,”  she replied.  “See, I know you need a combination of the knowledge and my power to destroy this universe and re-make it in your image.  But I won’t give it to you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re taking the Chronicler’s offer, then?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,”  she replied again.  “I know what he wants to do, also.  I won’t be a pawn for either of you.”

    Dark Thugos looked furious just then.  “You made your choice,”  he said plainly.  “Now you must face the consequences.”
    
    Feeling alarmed, Lara raised a shield, and it was a good thing, too, because he charged her with frightening speed, and lowered his gigantic fist onto her head.  Except the shield collapsed instantly, and she was thrown hard against the Wonder Wall.  It sparkled as she felt her bones crack under the force, and she cried out.

    Thugos laughed as he watched her open her eyes, and they were glowing the same sparkling color as the Wall.  “I will merge you with it by force,”  he said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No!”  she protested angrily, and she was about to turn the full fury of her energy powers on him.  But the energy felt strange, like it wasn’t her own.  And she realized suddenly that if she unleashed it...it was the essence of the Wall, and he would absorb it.  He would win.

    Instead, she closed her eyes hard as she felt his heavy fist slam into her head.  And then there was darkness.

    But then there was light...bright light.  That light dimmed, and she felt warmth.  As her eyes opened, she found herself lying in a strange, very large and decorative bed, tucked neatly into the center like she was a child.  She wore her black and white form-fitting costume.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I found you on my marble floor,”  the Chronicler of Stories announced as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her.  “You have a friend in a very high place.”

    Lara didn’t speak.  Not because she didn’t want to, because she felt like she didn’t have a voice yet.  It was hard to explain.

    The Chronicler seemed to sense that, and he sighed and shook his head.  “I...don’t know what to do.  I chronicled that you died, that Dark Thugos killed you.  And by all rights you should be dead, since you didn’t destroy the wall, like I asked.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I...I know why you wanted the Wall destroyed,”      she finally whispered hoarsely.  “You...want to escape this universe.  To chronicle others.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well yeah, I mean...I don’t have so much to do here these days.  Things have been a little slow.”  He picked up a bottle of water with a straw, and passed it to Lara.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m sorry.”  she whispered, taking a quick sip.  It felt good, cold clean water.  “It’s not right, though.  It’s really not.”

    He sighed again.  “I guess I have to accept that answer, since you’re giving me a lot more respect than Dark Thugos.  Now what to do with you?  The rules say you were dead.  And I’m a Chronicler, so I can’t resurrect you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You don’t have to,”  she told him.  “I was on your marble floor because that’s where the Wonder Wall thought I needed to be.  I wasn’t killed.  It absorbed me, and carried me away from Dark Thugos.  It’s sentient.”

    The Chronicler had been listening, and writing something on a tablet with a golden pen.  “So it is written, so it shall be done!”  he announced.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Ten Commandments?”  Lara asked.

    He smirked.  “I only wish,”  he said.  “I will return you for judgement.  To the one person who is qualified to judge any of us.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Who...?”  Lara started to ask, but her voice trailed off as the marble hall faded into darkness.  She closed her eyes as she fell violently onto a semi-soft surface.

    That surface was carpet.  And the room she found herself in was a small one, which was lit only by a single desk lamp.  There was a window, but the blinds were closed, letting in very little light - but she could tell it was that weird grey glow from snow and clouds.  She was back in Paradopolis...somewhere.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hi.”  Teen-aged Faite stood over her in an oversized sweater, jeans, and socks, but no shoes.  She had recently changed her mid-back length hair color to blonde - because she thought Lara’s hair looked beautiful - with a few thin streaks of blue to match her starry blue eyes.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What...?”  Lara started to ask.  “You’re qualified to judge me?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know, right?”  Faite offered her a hand, and helped her to her feet, and then rolled an extra leather office chair her way.  “It’s cause I can change the present, I guess.  And since you’re missing from the present, I can put you back there.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But first...”  Faite sat across from Lara in the other leather office chair in the room.  “Let me tell you why you’re allowed that luxury.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because I’m immortal?”  Lara suggested.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well...yeah.”  Faite shrugged and rolled her eyes.  “But the Parodyverse doesn’t have any true immortals.  You are allowed to be one because you’re not from this universe and aren’t bound by its rules.  It’s also the reason why both Dark Thugos and the Chronicler wanted you to mess with the Wonder Wall.  None of us can do that.  You can, because you aren’t bound by our rules.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But messing with the Wonder Wall...can’t it destroy this universe?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yup.”  Faite nodded.  “You alone can break the rules, and bring this universe down like a house of cards.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then...maybe I--”  Lara started to say, but Faite anticipated her thoughts and spoke up first.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But,”  Faite interrupted, “You can also break the rules and save this universe.  So don’t go and freak out about whether it’s safe for you to be here.  If I thought you were too dangerous I’d tell you.”

    Lara nodded, and slowly smiled.  Her smile faded, though, when she realized the implications of that.  “That means I have a lot more enemies than I thought.”

    Faite nodded.  “Dark Thugos, the Hooded Hood for sure.  The Chronicler...don’t file him away yet, he’s kind of a jerk but he’s not really that dangerous or ambitious.  And one more thing, Lara, on that topic...”

    Lara raised an eyebrow at the tone Faite used for that last part.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re going to be butting heads with Hatman over it.  Probably CrazySugarFreakBoy! too.  Because you see...alternates.  Solutions that may not be the most ‘good’ but are efficient and sure.  You may find yourself having to take action and those who love you hating you for it for a while.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But you would understand?”

    Faite nodded.  “So would Yuki, strangely enough.  Let Yuki guide you, if you’re not sure.  She’s smarter than the other guys put together, and much more practical.”

    Lara laughed at that.  Not because it sounded funny, but because the practical part was so ironic for someone who liked jumping off buildings and riding a racing bike way too fast.

    Faite rolled her chair about steps forward and leaned toward Lara.  “Anyway, as of right now you’re ‘alive’ again.  Good thing nobody saw Dark Thugos kill you, so you don’t have to explain to everyone how you got back.”

    Lara stood and turned like she was going to leave.  But then she realized she wasn’t really sure where to go at first.  Fortunately the decision was made for her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey um...Hatman came here while you were gone, so you don’t have to go there to tell him you’re okay.”  Faite interrupted her.  “He asked Yuki to pick him up in the jet and fly him all the way here to ask me to help you.  He could have just made a phone call, cause I was going to help you anyway.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He does that.”  Lara laughed.  “He likes to do stuff like that in person.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, it’s more than that.”  Faite looked serious as she said that part.  “He was kind of in a panic about you, and he wasn’t thinking it through.  Yuki just played along because she likes flying in a snowstorm.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“A panic?  About me?”

    The teen nodded.  “He loves you, you know.  He’s not really into you, though, so he treats you like you’re some distant relative.  He didn’t say that, I did.  But remember that, though, because it’ll keep you from doing anything embarrassing.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Got it.  I’ll remember.”  Lara nodded.

    As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and then Yuki opened it and stuck her head in.  “Oh, there you are.  Good.  Come on, we have to have a meeting.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No ‘are you okay’?  No ‘what happened’?”  Lara asked as she followed Yuki into the hallway.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re here and alive, so it doesn’t matter.”  Yuki turned briefly to wink at Lara.  “Meet me in the conference room in five minutes.”


---


    Lara actually got to the conference room in less than a minute.  It was empty, except for Hatman, who had also arrived there early.  Yuki wasn’t there yet.

    Still in her black and white costume, Lara entered with her arms at her sides, and approached Hatman.  “I hear you were worried about me.”

    He didn’t say anything, but he took Lara’s right hand and squeezed it gently.  His silence unnerved her a little bit as to the topic of the meeting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on?”  she asked quietly.

    Yuki entered wearing leather pants and a long sleeved tee-shirt, and she left door open behind her.  She looked like she was ready to answer that very question.  She looked at Hatman when she approached him, almost smirking as she did.

    Behind Yuki was a tired-looking Sir Mumphrey, closely followed by a woman with glowing eyes that nobody in the room but him knew.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I got phone calls from the mayors of Paradopolis and GMY,”  she said as she ignored the strangeness in the room and switched her gaze to Lara.  “Both of them got phone calls about your incident at the prison.  They want you to surrender yourself.”

    Lara silently looked from Yuki to Hatman and back to Yuki.  She noticed that Yuki kept looking at Hatman, as if to prompt a response from him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have a better idea, though,”  Yuki continued.  “As soon as this snowstorm ends, we’re calling a press conference.  We’ll take what you did to the court of the public, and embarrass the prison warden into backing down.  Neither mayor will help him if it’s a P.R. disaster.”

    The blonde looked at Hatman again, who seemed unsure about Yuki’s strategy.  But she remembered what Faite told her - that if she wasn’t sure she should follow Yuki’s lead.  Plus it sounded like that strategy could actually work.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure,”  Lara replied.  “I’ve done press events before, so I can handle it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know,”  Yuki agreed with a happy grin.  “You’re going to own this.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I agree,”  Sir Mumphrey spoke up.  “However, Miss Night, I strongly suggest you remain in the Mansion while this is sorted.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,”  Lara agreed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Cool,”  Yuki continued.  “I’m going to make some calls and arrange it.”  Yuki patted Lara and Hatman each in turn on the back, but paused after doing so with Hatman.  Then she quickly left.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think Yuki has something there,”  Hatman spoke up.

    Lara nodded.  “I know.  It kind of annoys me, that I didn’t think of it, too.”  She couldn’t contain her curiosity anymore, so she finally asked about Sir Mumphrey’s companion.  “Who’s your friend?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  I’m terribly sorry, rude of me not to introduce her.  This is Shai, she is an alien geneticist.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Geneticist?”  Hatman asked, sounding a little skeptical.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Indeed,”  Mumph agreed.  “Using the Chronometer causes some...genetic damage...over time.  I have been shifting it to the future.  But the future always comes eventually, what?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So she’s helping to repair you?”  Lara asked.  “I could have done that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, it’s far beyond your capabilities,”  Shai spoke up.  She could tell what Lara would say next, so she quickly answered that too.  “And I do mean your capabilities.  I’m very familiar with them.  Even more so than you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Really?”  the blonde asked.

    Shai looked from Lara to Hatman, and then spoke again.  “I’m a little more than a geneticist.  I’m intimately familiar with your genetics at a glance.  For instance I know your genetic characteristics are suppressed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Suppressed?”  Lara asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If you were to breed with her,”  Shai addressed Hatman, “You would have twin boys, with your characteristics.  With exception of the Serious Matter, which is not inherited.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m not really...I mean we’re not really...”  Hatman started to say.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know,”  Shai interrupted.  “But you do clearly think about it a lot in her presence.”

    Without saying a word, Lara stared at Hatman with a somewhat chilly look.  Hatman turned completely red.

    Shai addressed that, too.  “You two should stop being so childishly embarrassed.  And speaking of childish and embarrassing, where is that idiot Con?  I’d like to get home someday.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can get you there,”  Lara pointed out.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“After the press conference,”  Sir Mumphrey insisted.  “Until then, Shai, we would be proud to host you as our guest.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I suppose I’ve been trapped in worse places,”  Shai mumbled.  Then she gave a deep, frustrated sigh.  “I would be grateful for any help, Lara.”

    Lara nodded, and watched Sir Mumphrey and Shai leave, while Mumph was saying something to her about getting Flapjack to show her to a room.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Twin boys would be pretty nice,”  Hatman mused quietly, now that they were the only two left in the room.

    Lara eyed him for a moment, and then laughed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s so funny?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nothing.  Nothing, really,”  she shook her head and tried not to laugh some more.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s wrong with me wishing I had twin boys?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well...she meant with me, and we’d have to do one thing you don’t want to and one thing I don’t want to.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about modern technology?”  he asked.  “There are other ways now.  She’s a geneticist, so all we need is the genetic material.”

    She moved closer to him until she was almost touching him.  “You want me to give you--”  she started to say, but she stopped herself when she realized she sounded a little angry about it.  “You know...I might.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Really?”  he asked.

    She shrugged slightly.  “It would be a huge gift for me to give but...I really love my friends.”  She smiled at him then.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Think about it really hard, though,”  she added quickly, “Because it’s one of those things you can’t give back.”

    He grabbed her suddenly, and hugged her tightly enough so her feet left the ground for several seconds.  Once he put her down again, he said, “I’ll think about it.  You’re right, I don’t want to do something like that impulsively.  But it’s the thought that counts, Lara.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, if it makes you that happy...”  Lara smiled again.

    He thought for a moment, and then asked, “What would make you happy?  I could at least try, after an offer like that.”

    Lara shook her head slowly.  “I’d never take anything as payment,”  she said.  “Not from a friend.  But go ahead and try to make me happy, if you feel inspired to.”

    He nodded.  “Okay.  I can do that.”

    Then she sighed.  “I had a long day getting myself killed.  I’m going to take a shower and change, and maybe read or something until I feel like sleeping.”


TO BE CONTINUED?
    


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2013 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.