Adventures in Parodyverse: Adventure in Babysitting Part 4


    Liu Xi Xian awoke to find herself unharmed.  She was in a cave that looked like volcanic rock with molten lava flowing through it.  Yet it wasn’t terribly hot in there - a wind blew through, keeping it cool.

    She found Hatman lying on the ground a few feet away, after she nearly tripped over him.  She shook him to wake up up, and he looked around groggily.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where are we?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know yet,”  Liu Xi replied.  “I assume it is some sort of prison.  That happens to me a lot.”  She sighed as she helped him to his feet.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We should see if there’s a way out,”  he suggested.

    She nodded in agreement, and began walking alongside him.  “Did you hear what the Demon said before he captured us?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, what?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He said he caught Envy and Lust,”  she reminded him.  “Like he is collecting deadly sins.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know about that?”

    She nodded.  “I try to educate myself.  I wonder which one of us is which?  I mean...I was just thinking about Vinnie and Pandemonica, so I’m probably Envy.”  She eyed him suspiciously.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think you’re reading too much into it.”  Hatman replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think it’s because you were looking at my butt,”  she accused him jokingly.

    He nearly protested some more, but instead he just sighed.  “Look, demons feed on things like sin and hate, so it’s probably best if we avoid any of those until we get out of here.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know, the cardinal sins existed before most organized religions,”  Liu Xi pointed out.  “They were just known as self-destructive behavior.  That’s why a demon older than religion is using them, too.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“With some of the Lair Legion, that’s bad news,”  Hatman grumbled to himself.

    The Chinese girl moved closer to him and brushed back her hair.  Her arms crossed and voice lowered, she asked, “Who are you disappointed in?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do you really want to know?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes.  Because it makes you envy and me lust.  And also, I think bad feelings is what the demon feeds off of.  The more we talk about stuff, the better off we are against it.”

    He sighed.  “I guess you’re right.  Sometimes it bothers me that I’m trying to live up to a certain standard and ideal...and it looks like everyone else is doing the exact opposite.  And if I am Envy, it’s because I’m a little jealous that they’re having fun, and not facing any consequences.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you upset that I was sleeping with Vinnie?”  she asked.  Then she changed her mind.  “No, jealous that I was sleeping with Vinnie?”

    He shook his head.  “I’m not attracted to you, if that’s what you mean.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well that’s kind of insulting,”  she protested, “Coming from someone who used to sleep with everyone.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, what I mean is...when I used to do that it was kind of...mindless.  It was fun, but it was also what I was supposed to do.  I never really thought about whether it’s what I should do, or whether I was really attracted to them.  And as it turns out, I wasn’t.”

    Liu Xi tilted her head a little.  “Are you telling me that you’re gay?”

    He shook his head and laughed.  “I’m not attracted to men at all.  It’s complicated.  The best way to explain it...I feel like playtime is over, and I want a soulmate now, someone I can settle down with and have kids.  When I look at you...you’re beautiful, and I’d probably enjoy sleeping with you, but I also know it would feel empty.  At this point in my life that’s a huge turn-off.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I get it.”  Liu Xi nodded.  “You’re a cuddler.  You want someone only if they will stay, so you don’t have to face an empty bed tomorrow night, or the night after that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“A little more complicated than that.”  He shrugged.  “But you’re getting the idea.  We should get moving.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I would stay,”  she said as she started walking beside him.  “I’m kind of a cuddler myself.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That would put you a little ahead of most of the others,”  he replied, “but sorry...still doesn’t work for me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s cause I have a small chest, isn’t it?”  She stopped suddenly when she realized something.  “Hey, this cool breeze we feel...it’s getting colder, and it has to be really cold to keep us comfortable around this molten rock.  Do we really want to find the icy place it comes from?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have a point,”  Hatman said, stopping.  “But we should at least look.  There might be some captives freezing out there.  And the two of us have the skills to save them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Right.”  Liu Xi started walking again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And your chest is just fine,”  he added.  “It’s just me.  When I first met you, you were an immature, and lost, and afraid young girl.  And I guess I can’t really let go of that feeling.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.”  she responded.  But she was only half paying attention as the cool wind turned cold when they rounded a corner.  Within sight was a snowy bright grey light, and an icy wind.  “You were right, there are people out here.”

    Huddled in a snow drift, shivering and crying, was Pandemonica.


---


    The good news was that the Lair Mansion decided to drop its defenses.  The bad news was that now Liu Xi Xian and Hatman were missing too, and Visionary and Shen Rae hadn’t returned from their diplomatic mission - but Anna did, and she was nearly crying at having lost them.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We have to assume that we’re the only ones who haven’t been captured,”  Hallie told the assembled Faite, Magweed, Griffin, and Anna.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Magweed’s mouse guard brought me some interesting spell books from somewhere in the mansion,”  Faite told Hallie.  “But they’re written in some language I can’t use.”  She passed one of the books to the holographic A.I.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This isn’t a language, Faite, they’re runes.”  Hallie corrected.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know that,”  Faite replied with a sigh.  “What I mean is, I...I know what they symbolize, but not how to speak them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s too advanced,”  Anna said, still sniffing slightly.  “When someone learns to use spell without speaking them, they can use abstracts--”

    Everyone was staring at Anna by then, so she stopped.  “--Or so I was told,”  she added quickly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Whichever the case, this demon is very old, so I have to break out our friends using old spells.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Noooo, you just have to trip it.”  Magweed said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Trip it?”  Hallie asked.

    Magweed explained, “That’s how you stop someone bigger than you.  You trip them.”

    Faite smiled broadly.  “I knew I liked you for a reason.  She’s right, we only need a small spell.  The runes will teach us its weaknesses.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What if it has no weakness?”  Anna asked.

    The cosmic being turned her attention to the android.  “When the demon took Visionary and Shen Rae, it engulfed you, too, right?”

    Anna nodded.  “But it didn’t take me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Of course, because she’s not living flesh, she can’t be a sacrifice.  Anna, you are the demon’s weakness!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am?”  Anna asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You are,”  Faite assured her.  “Now all we have to do is find some way to use that.”

    There was a long silence in the room after that.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is going to be a long night,”  Hallie groaned.


TO BE CONTINUED...


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission.  Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow.  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin.  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin