Adventures in Parodyverse: The Wedding Part 4


    Vinnie De Soth was lying depressed in borrowed Lair Mansion quarters, on the bed, staring at the ceiling.  Only he wasn’t seeing the ceiling, he was seeing awful scenarios of Liu Xi Xian being sacrificed to some demon.

    There was a tap at the door.  He instinctively said, ‘Come in’, expecting it to be Liu Xi.  Instead, it was the Psychic Samurai.  Always extremely polite, she opened the door gingerly and slipped into the room.  She closed the door behind her, and approached the bed.

    Chiaki kneeled next to the bedside and placed her arms on the edge.  In a voice soft enough for a library, she whispered, “Liu Xi has been looking through Xander’s books in order to discover why your family would want her sacrificed.  The criteria are rather...strange.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can guess.”  Vinnie replied with a sigh.  “It’s always something in common with De Soth men.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re right,”  Chiaki laughed slightly, sounding almost embarrassed.  “To remove the curse from you, someone you made love to before your wedding must be sacrificed.  It said then the curse would be released.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Released?”  Vinnie wondered,  “That doesn’t sound good.  And ‘made love’ doesn’t sound like--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I tried to soften the wording a little bit,”  she admitted with a shrug.  “I believe it actually someone you shared your seed with before your wedding.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  I wonder if they know they’re making a mistake, then.”  Vinnie mumbled to no one in particular.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know already.”  Chiaki pointed out.  “Liu Xi already told me she’s afraid of becoming a mom before she’s ready, so you and her have always been well protected.”

    Then Vinnie worried, “They might do something really horrible to her if they find out.  I wonder if I can trick them into a substitute?  There was that incident with Kerry...”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Vinnie!”  she scolded him.

    He shook his head quickly.  “No, you’re right, I couldn’t do that.  Someone willing to volunteer maybe?”  He turned his head and looked at Chiaki.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I would only even consider making love to you if you don’t use me as sacrificial bait,”  she responded dryly.

    Vinnie sat up suddenly.  “So you would make love to me?”

    The Samurai stood, and shook her head.  “Why would you even ask that?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry,”  Vinnie replied in a quiet voice.  “I just thought...I’m...and you are kind of cute--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Stop, stop.”  Chiaki stopped him.  “As much as I would like to humiliate your evil family and destroy the wedding, it takes all my strength and morality to say no.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t think it would destroy the wedding.  Would it?”  he asked, sounding unsure.

    Chiaki smirked mysteriously and turned to leave the room, closing the door behind her quietly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s...what did she just...?”  Vinnie finally sighed, realizing he couldn’t put a single sentence together anymore, and laid back down.

    But just as he started resting, there was another knock at the door, this one louder.  Vinnie got up again, and answered.

    CrazySugarFreakBoy! leaped into the small, dark room, his florescent clothing lighting the room all sorts of bright and strange colors.  “Dude, we have to plan your bachelor party!”


---


    There was a gentle knock on the door of Hatman’s quarters in the Lair Mansion.  Gentle enough that he knew who it wasn’t, so he absent-mindedly said, “Come in.”

    Slowly, the door opened, and a familiar smiling blonde entered.  She closed the door behind her, and approached the old, sagging couch he was laying on, wrapped in a blanket.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The frozen pink slime dimension, eh?”  she asked.

    He looked up, wondering how she knew that.  He had already taken a hot shower and changed his clothes.  Then he realized she most have talked to Yuki or someone on the way in.

    She sat down beside him, on the edge of the couch, and began gently rubbing his arm and shoulder to help warm him up.  “It’s supposed to be like being trapped in the womb, only much colder.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How do you know so much about it?”  he asked.  “And weren’t you at home?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I just got back, Yuki told me what I missed,”  Lara responded.  “Vinnie accidentally sent Visionary to that place before, only he didn’t know the spell expired on its own.  I had to go in and get him.  Actually it’s some sort of ghost dimension, the living aren’t supposed to be there.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Great,”  he said sarcastically.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And then Dream invited me to Vinnie’s bachelor party,”  she continued.

    He sat up slightly, and blinked twice.  “What for?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“For you, mostly,”  Lara admitted.  “He said if I didn’t go, you probably wouldn’t.  I guess he believes I’ll protect you from the other girls he invites.”

    He thought about that for a moment, and then shrugged.  “He might have a point.”

    She nodded.  “Cool.  I told him I’d ask you, but I said I wouldn’t make any promises.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You don’t have to do all of that, I can make some excuse...”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You might not have anything to worry about, though.  Vinnie hasn’t approved any bachelor party yet, and there might not even be a wedding now that he knows its a trap.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m not sure about that.  Vinnie has that curse on him, after all.  Why can’t I get warm?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because you keep thinking about it,”  Lara told him.  “The curse, yeah, I forgot about that.  I guess he has to go through with this even if no one goes to the wedding, for his own safety.”

    Finally, he sat up.  “Yuki and I aren’t really sure about that part.  If nobody goes to the wedding, Vinnie might end up having to fight something alone.”

    Lara nodded.  “I can go.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Part of the whole event is to steal powers from someone, Lara,”  he pointed out.  “If it’s you, we’re all doomed.  Maybe the whole planet is doomed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m not really that powerful,”  she denied.  “But I see your point.  Okay, maybe Chiaki, you, Anna, Visionary, Yuki?  People who are powerful but without any powers.”

    Hatman nodded.  “That’s not too bad an idea.  I’ll see if the others go for it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm,”  she thought out loud to no one in particular, “That means I won’t have to go shopping for a dress at the last minute, then.  Are you feeling better now?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, a little.”  He finally sat up.

    And then CrazySugarFreakBoy! came crashing into the room without knocking.  “There you are, Lara!”  he beamed.

    Lara stood quickly and pressed her palm against Dream’s chest to keep him at arm’s length as he got close.  “No upsetting Jay.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s a little too late for that,”  he said.  “I was planning the bachelor party with Vinnie, and his fiancee Panda Girl showed up and took him away.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pandemonica?”  Lara corrected.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, her!”  he agreed excitedly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where did she take him?”  Lara asked, trying to bring him back to focus.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The wedding,”  CSFB! responded.  “That’s how I knew the bachelor party was off.”

    Lara and Jay looked at each other.  The wedding had been moved up.  Apparently the De Soths knew about the plan to thwart the sacrifice.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is Liu Xi still here?”  Jay asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes.”  CSFB! replied.

    Lara frowned.  “I wonder who they’re sacrificing, then?”


---


    The barren grassy island had been transformed.  To stave off the cool evening wind and the darkness, large bonfires had been set.  In the large, barren, round area where a lighthouse used to be, there was a ring of fire, and an empty stone altar which appeared to be ornamental...for the moment.

    Vinnie De Soth looked miserable in a tuxedo.  Not just because he wasn’t really comfortable in one, but because of where he was, what he knew was probably going to happen, and who he was going to be wedded to, under penalty of a horrible death.  He tried to hide on the fringes of the coast, among the rocks, and he was failing miserably since they weren’t that large.

    Pandemonica, on the other hand, looked amazing in a dress, like she had been groomed to wear them all her life.  In preparation for the wedding, she cast aside her idle lifestyle and hired a personal trainer.  She was more strong and fit than she had ever been in her life, in an effort to impress her new husband.

    And that’s why Vinnie couldn’t help but feel a little bad for her.  She really wanted to be married to him, and wasn’t miserable at all.  He wondered if he could use that to make her a better person over time.  She was beautiful on the outside, at least.  With a little coaxing, maybe she could be beautiful on the inside as well.

    He then felt a little more depressed that he was actually thinking so much about how to make the situation that was about to become the rest of his life less awful.  He also felt a little bit ashamed that he fell into the temptation of Pandemonica’s newly fit body last night.  It was an amazing night...she had been studying to please him, apparently.  But he still felt guilty.

    And then all the ingredients fell into place.  The fires, the altar, the moved up wedding, coincidentally the night after he ‘shared his seed’ with Pandemonica.  It just dawned on him that the entire thing seemed to be handled more like a demonic ceremony than a wedding.  There wasn’t even any food.

    He rose and quickly caught up with Pandemonica, taking her arm firmly.  “Monica, we have to get out of here.  Now.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Already can’t wait?”  she asked with a smile.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.  Monica...you’re going to--”  He looked around and realized that the rest of both families were looking at them like pieces of meat.


---


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I found it!  I found it!”  Liu Xi announced loudly as she burst into the Lair Mansion quarters formerly occupied by Vinnie De Soth.

    She looked around frantically, all over the floor, then into the bathroom, and even tried the window.  She carried a book, carefully holding a place between two pages with her left arm, her hand clinging to the spine.

    Then she raced out of the room, intent on finding him somewhere, somehow.  She ran hard into Lara, almost dropping the book in the process.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where’s Vinnie?”  the Chinese girl asked almost frantically.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The wedding has been moved up.”  Lara told her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh no!”  Liu Xi replied angrily.  She sniffed a little as she tried not to cry.  She too had figured out what was going to take place.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s the matter?”  the blonde asked.

    Liu Xi’s eyes widened as she explained, “Vinnie said he didn’t want to talk about his night with Pandemonica.  He didn’t even deny anything.  She has been wanting him for a long time, so--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wait, he did?  Why didn’t someone tell me before?”  Lara frowned and grabbed Liu Xi’s free hand.  “We have a wedding to stop.”

    Then Lara paused for a second.  “What’s with the book?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know how to break the curse.”  Liu Xi said.  “But we might be too late.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,”  Lara said.  “Not yet.”

    There was a violent flash of bright light, and a puff of air, as Lara Night and Liu Xi vanished.


TO BE CONTINUED...


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission.  Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow.  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin.  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin