WGMY 104.1
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...packed solid, so if you were planning to join the Expressway anywhere between Airport and Marina, look for another route. Parodopolis Sound ferries all report normal schedule. On the Metro, Green Line service is disrupted after Sheldonhall Station was reported missing. That’s the travel. Stacey.

STACEY: Thanks Dan. It’s eight-seventeen. As you’ve just heard, there’s big news about Pagan Idol. Producers of Channel Nine’s hit show have finally announced the host pantheon, and it raised a few eyebrows. WGMY is delighted – privileged, even honoured – to welcome Haqqisaqq, the Inuit god of vengeance and public relations.

HAQ: Good morning.

STACEY: Haqqisaqq, this year’s Pagan Idol winner will be joining the Inuit pantheon. It must be an exciting time for you.

HAQ: To be honest, Stacey, I’m glad the arctic fox is finally out of the bag. We’re all very excited up in Igshuqqnuqqtiqqlaqq. To be involved in Pagan Idol, the biggest prize on television – it’s going to be great. That’s Pagan Idol, Saturday, 7pm on Channel Nine.

STACEY: You know that we’re big fans of Pagan Idol here at WGMY. But just for the benefit of anyone who’s been in a parallel world for the last three years, would you care to remind us how the show works?

HAQ: Well, Stacey, thousands of members of the great American public came to open auditions in cities all across the country. We’ve whittled them down to twelve amazing candidates, giving all they’ve got over twelve weeks of thrilling challenges, to show which of them is worthy of the prize money can’t buy: a place in the Official Inuit Pantheon. And it’s going to be a tough call, because let me tell you, these guys are awesome!

STACEY: It was quite a surprise to hear that the Official Inuit Pantheon had chosen to get involved with this show.

HAQ: Just the first of many surprises. After all, Pagan Idol has always been about challenging expectations.

STACEY: In the past, you've made a point of resisting this sort of exposure. For centuries you maintained a policy of chilly indifference to the affairs of what you continue to call the Warmer World. Does this high-profile gig signal a thawing of relations between the Inuit deities and humanity at large?

HAQ: These are modern times, Stacey, and the deities of the Official Inuit Pantheon have a lot to offer in today’s fast-changing world. This show does provide an exciting opportunity for the public to engage with the pantheon's core brand message. But more importantly, it’ll be must-see television as we set each great contestant on an amazing personal journey and discover who earns the right to be called... Pagan Idol. Saturday. 7pm on Channel Nine.

STACEY: Some have suggested that the Inuit gods may struggle to match the glamour of previous pantheons. I’m talking about the opulence, the wow factor. How do you respond to that?

HAQ: Ask me again once you’ve seen the Ice Palace of Nuqqliqqmaqqpaqq. A cavernous blue-white dome panelled with glistening mica and narwhal ivory, the equal of anything in Ausgard. Not that the Ausgardians have been in Pagan Idol yet. I’m just saying.

STACEY: But you can’t deny that the Inuit lack the instant public recognition enjoyed by your prestigious predecessors. After all, we’ve had contestants placed with the Egyptian pantheon, the Aztec gods and the gods of Olympus – judges included deities like Hermes and Sobek, with whom we were already well acquainted. Wouldn’t you agree that your own Inuit pantheon is a little short of household names?

HAQ: That’s sure to change after the first few episodes – we’ve got some real characters! But you’re sure to recognise Sniiqattaaq, god of harpoons.

STACEY: Formerly of Eighties marine superteam Deep Justice?

HAQ: That’s him. You’ll remember he served with Wonder Walrus, General Porpoise and Airtight Seal. We’ve also got Luvshaqq, goddess of passion, and the mighty Ruqqsaqq, god of hiking trips.

STACEY: And there’s Sedna, of course.

HAQ: ...and Sedna, yes... but also, um -

STACEY: Sedna, the jealous and powerful goddess of the underworld, of sea creatures and of the ocean itself. Sedna, the notoriously antisocial goddess who lends her name to an icy dwarf planet beyond the orbit of Pluto. Sedna, the one Inuit deity that most people outside the High Arctic have actually heard of. Will Sedna be making an appearance?

HAQ: There are no firm plans for that at this stage.

STACEY: I ask because some sources suggest she may not be comfortable with the Inuit pantheon’s apparent shift towards a more open, more public stance.

HAQ: With respect, I'm not here to discuss that sort of baseless speculation. But I will say that it promises to be a real thrill ride on Saturday night. Pagan Idol, 7pm on Channel Nine.

STACEY: Haqqisaqq, Inuit god of vengeance and public relations, many thanks. Haqqisaqq has already agreed to return next week to share his thoughts on the season premiere. Right now, it’s the weather with Dan. Dan?

DAN: Another chilly morning over the whole Parodopolis Sound area, but we can expect highs today of...

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