Adventures in Parodyverse: Precision Instrument, Part 1


    Judge Nancy Connor stepped up behind the heavy oak bench, and sat down in her leather chair.  She looked over the courtroom, and it was silent and still, as everyone present awaited her decision.

    Sitting in front of her, to her right, was a young woman with deep blue colored hair, who seemed so small at that moment.  Her eyes were cast down at the table instead of at the judge.  Her mannerism as she testified during the last few hours underlined her polite, quiet demeanor, and her obvious lack of self esteem.

    And it was all because until today, she was considered property.  Stolen property, at that.  And that was about to end.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“On the first motion,”  Judge Connor spoke loudly and clearly to her court, as she put on her reading glasses, “That the android known as Anna be granted the rights and privileges of any citizen of the United States.”

    The judge looked up and admitted sadly, “I’m afraid that sort of thing isn’t in the jurisdiction of a state court.”

    That poor android looked dejected almost immediately.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“However,”  the Judge continued, catching Anna’s attention once more.  “Your attorney, Mr. Armbruster, was smart enough to make a second motion.  One that is in this court’s jurisdiction.  One that I will gladly grant, and should simultaneously grant you all the same rights this court is unable to specifically grant you under the first motion.”

    Anna looked both curious and hopeful now.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s risky.”  the judge continued, “But I believe this is your best fighting chance in a court of law, if and when my decision is challenged.  Would you please rise, and hold up your right hand?”

    Without hesitation, Anna did so.  She was shaking very slightly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Repeat after me.”  Judge Connor said.  “I hereby swear that I will support and defend the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America...”


---


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And then she swore in Anna as a citizen.”  Yuki excitedly told Dreamcatcher Foxglove.  He had been ejected from the courtroom earlier in the trial for drowning out the testimony of Anna’s opponents with cursing as they attempted to testify against her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The U.S. Attorney’s Office will probably appeal.”  Arnie J. Armbruster pointed out about those opponents.

    Yuki rolled her eyes.  “Don’t listen to him, he’s just sour because the judge closed the case with ‘Now get the hell out of my court, Arnie!’”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I may have called her several times a day until she agreed to take the case.”  the lawyer admitted.  “Sometimes drunk, at 2 a.m.”

    Anna finally caught up to the three of them.  She had been to the clerk’s office to pick up her paperwork.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, congrats!”  Dream hugged her.  She seemed both tired and still in shock over her day.  “Why did you guys decide to do this, anyway?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because after interviewing Anna,”  Yuki explained, “I knew SPUD and the government would never leave her alone.”


---

    Several Days Earlier

    Yuki Shiro sat in Hatman’s old office chair, one leg crossed over the other, only the chair was in front of the desk rather than behind it.  She had a pad of paper balanced on her lap - not that she needed to take notes to remember things, but it was comforting to do so.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So far what we know is a Dr. Lia Anne Paul designed you.  She named you Anna because it’s an anagram - Autonomous Neural Network Android - and because it’s kind of like her middle name.”  Yuki summarized.

    Anna was sitting across from Yuki in a plush dark green armchair, which had been moved from in front of the fireplace.  She nodded quietly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dr. Lia was the leading scientist in robotics and artificial intelligence at Paradopolis University right up until she realized her funding came from SPUD, and came with strings attached.  Namely that they required her to design for them and keep it secret.”

    The android nodded again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And she fled SPUD pretty much at the same time you did.”  Yuki continued.  “How did you know to flee also?  Did you wait until she was gone?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Anna replied.  “She...she hinted at it.  She said she wanted to be free, but she couldn’t be until she knew I would be too.  I promised her I would be.  The next morning she was gone so I...freed myself, as I promised..”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.”  Yuki sat up.  “Go on.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I knew all of SPUD’s plans.  I knew I was scheduled for project cancellation, I knew that meant if Lia left I would be...destroyed, unless Lia could free me first.  But when she told me that one last thing, I knew she couldn’t do it, and I had to leave.  It was a relief to know she had the same thought, and was going too.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm.”  Yuki whispered.  “I’m sorry I never asked all of this before.”

    Anna smiled.  “You were trying to be considerate of my feelings.”  she said.  “I appreciate that.  But now I know it’s necessary to tell you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Yuki agreed.  “Because if there’s one single fact SPUD knows that I don’t, this whole thing could fall apart.  Except for military secrets, maybe.  You have to keep those to ensure your own safety.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“All the secrets I had are most likely outdated by now.”  Anna pointed out.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good point.”  Yuki wrote that down.  That very line could come in handy in court.

    Sometime between those last two parts of the conversation, CrazySugarFreakBoy! wandered into the office.  He hated being there usually because he thought it was stuffy and he hated paperwork.  But this time he was curious what Yuki was doing.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’re you two doing?”  the Wired Wonder asked.

    The purple-haired Legionnaire looked up at him.  “Petitioning a court, with the help of Arnie J. Armbruster.”

    CSFB! stared at her, not really comprehending.  “Huh?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dream, right now Anna is only safe from SPUD as long as we keep her hidden or secured.  They can pretty much seize her at any time and claim she was their property all along.  In this case possession is nine tenths of the law.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s bullshit!”  CSFB! exclaimed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It is bullshit.”  Yuki agreed.  “That’s why we’re having a court grant Anna specific rights.  Right now I’m gathering info, trying to predict any challenge SPUD or the government might bring to derail the case.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, cool.  That’s a good idea.”  Dream slapped Yuki on the shoulder.  “If Dan Drury’s in court, give him the finger, would you?”

    Yuki nodded and smiled.  “Of course.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hah!  I knew I liked you for a reason.”  Dream wandered back out into the hall, his attention drawn elsewhere again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You really think this will work?”  Anna asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Yuki nodded.  “Because it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.  Arnie went to law school with someone who knows someone who knows this judge.  He’s going to convince her to hear the case.”


NEXT:  What Happens Now


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin