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| Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post |
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Subj: Combining fetishes: The wave of pr0n's future Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 at 08:19:42 pm EDT (Viewed 275 times) | |||
If you're like me, you're an obsessive compulsive masturbator who has more sexual fetishes than he can keep track of, but you also have such a hectic schedule that you often find it difficult to devote a minimum daily allowance of 5-8 hours on browsing the Internet for hard-core pornography which caters to all of those fetishes. Fortunately, the pornography industry understands your needs, which is why they've begun to combine various sexual fetishes into gestalt pornographic products, in much the same way that the Decepticons sought to defeat the Autobots by creating the Constructicons, which as we all know, combined into the nearly unstoppable gestalt Transformer, Devastator. For example, if you are a fan of MILFs (and really, who isn't?) and interracial pornography (which, in 9 out of every 10 instances in the pornography industry, translates to "black men having sex with white women"), then the pornography industry has already covered both of your fetishes in one fell swoop, with Black Mother Fuckers (hint: clicking that link while at work would be ill-advised), which features black men having sex with older white women. And because mainstream media culture is so devoid of original content that it's resorted to poaching from the pornography industry (which, in and of itself, is sadly hilarious, since the modern era of pornography has essentially subsisted off of mainstream media culture in turn, typically via thinly veiled roman àclef satires of topical trends and events), this is a movement that I fully expect we can see more of even in supposedly non-pornographic media. So, let's say you, like me, despised the shit out of The Wonder Years, but nonetheless spent a significant portion of your adolescence masturbating to Danica McKellar, who played Winnie Cooper on that show, and even though you have yet to come to terms with the enduring travesty that was the prequel trilogy, you still appreciate the original trilogy of Star Wars films enough to admit, without shame, that you masturbated furiously to Princess Leia when you were growing up (if you extend the definition of "when you were growing up" to include "as recently as five seconds before you started typing this post"). Now, as such a Child Of The '80s, the ideal would be if, somehow, the Internet could combine Winnie Cooper and Princess Leia, so that you could masturbate to both characters simultaneously, but that's probably too much to hope for ... OR IS IT???  Ah, Internet ... Sweet Lady Internet, how could I ever have doubted your magnanimous bounty? Wave of the future, man ... wave of the future. | |||
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