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J. Jonah Jerkson |
Subject: The Baroness, Part 72. The constituted authorities consider the crisis. Posted Sun Dec 25, 2016 at 12:57:09 am EST (Viewed 7 times) |
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The Baroness, Part 72. The constituted authorities consider the crisis. This tie-in is concurrent with UT#357 Parts 1 and 2. Scene: a high-security conference room somewhere in Washington, D.C. A long, oval mahogany table is set with water glasses and pitchers, notepads, and small signs at each seat: SPUD – D. Drury, Office of Paranormal Security – A. Soames, Federal Metahuman Resource Center – R. Holcomb, SPAM – Harmanda Barriere, Presidential Adviser on Superheroes – H. Garrick (chair), A. St. Clair – Liaison to the Lair Legion, Defense Department – Gen. B. Guano (ret.) and Homeland Security Department – the Hon. C. Chrystie, ex-governor of New Guernsey. A red telephone without a dial sits in front of Mr. Garrick’s seat. Large screens on the walls are displaying the speaker’s slide show, plus real-time camera views of the Lair Legion’s base on Parody Island, the SAFE, the Wookiegetlucky Swamp and Ausgard. AMBER ST. CLAIR: “And so, it appears that the re-organization of reality wave is progressing without pause. Sometime in the next six hours all metahumans and non-humans on Earth will lose their powers and either become normal human beings or animals, or will perish. Evacuations of many of the remaining beings in these categories are underway but may not complete before the cutoff of dimensional and time travel.†GENERAL GUANO: “Hot damn! We’ve won. Time to reallocate those appropriations to what we really need – more tanks.†DIRECTOR DRURY: “Not so fast, General. I need that money to go after all the little pissant threats that the weird crew has been holding down. I tell you, we’re going to have Nazis coming out of our ears before long.†MS. ST CLAIR (mumbling): “Sort of hard to get them out of the White House.†SECRETARY CHRYSTIE (reaching behind him for a bag and finding it empty): “Hey, does anyone have more Doritos?†ADMINISTRATOR SOAMES: “Are we sure that the metahumans are permanently losing their powers? How many times before has there been some strange energy field or interplanetary conqueror who shuts them down for a short time, and then they bounce back.†MS. ST CLAIR (shuddering): “Especially CrazySugarFreakBoy.†COMMISSIONER BARRIERE: “This episode, Mr. Soames, is different. My organization grabbed, er, obtained reluctant volunteers from the Terminus Team. We’ve had them under constant surveillance and testing for the last 36 hours. They are all losing their powers and reverting to mundane status – although we’re not quite sure whether whatever the Appalling Appendage Man is becoming is mundane – or even alive. Our conclusions are displayed on Screen 6.†GEN. GUANO: “It doesn’t matter what those loonies are turning into -- they’re history. It’s time to re-equip for the real threat: inadequate levels of advanced military equipment. After we get the new tank divisions, I suppose we can let the Navy and the Air Force get some ships and some new missiles. And an armed services pay raise, of course.†SEC’Y CHRYSTIE: “Does that mean that Defense will start catering these meetings again? I miss the apple crullers you brought before the latest budget cuts.†GEN. GUANO: “I’ll personally make sure we bring back the crullers, if you back me on appropriations.†DIRECTOR HOLCOMB: “My agency is preparing for a quick census of all known anomalous beings, starting tomorrow, with particular attention to any that may retain some form of unusual ability. Harmanda, we’d appreciate assistance from SPAM on this.†COMM’R BARRIERE: “Of course, Ruben, just as soon as we finish cataloging all the changes. Maybe in about five months.†DIR. DRURY: “Ain’t you all missing the point here? In six hours or so there won’t be any reason for most of us to be workin’ for Uncle Sam, dang it. We are about to be made redundant, obsolete, surplus, unneeded for requirements and about 40 other adjectives the suits are linin’ up. “ GEN. GUANO (smirking): “Glad to see you understand the situation so well, Drury. The Army can always send you back to Sleazy Company and you can go after those part-time Nazis you’re so worried about. No helicarriers though. Shame. That reminds me, we need another 50 C-147 airlift platforms. We may have to zero out a few of your guys (makes note on his phone). ADMIN. SOAMES: “Bat, you are not going to break up the OPS and split up my best people just so you can get another batch of toys with my money. I’m going to fight you all the way to President Tromp on this. And you know how much he hates it when other businessmen make excessive profits.†COMM’R BARRIERE: “Come after my budget, Guano, and you’ll see how many congresscritters owe me. You have been warned.†DIR. HOLCOMB: “I’m not going down without a fight either. Although that will be a first.†They all turned towards Herb Garrick, awaiting his riposte. ADVISER GARRICK (steepling his hands in thought): “This looks like a case where someone is closing a door but opening a window. Someone is powerful enough to turn off superheroes, lobotomize robots, banish fairies, vampires, ghouls and all those oddballs, and de-monsterfy the planet. That sounds like a class 1 threat to me. He, she or it may or may not be able to line those powers up against us, but even if they don’t, they must be one hell of a threat right up there with the Parody Master. So, this isn’t a threat, it’s a whole new opportunity. Every one of our agencies has to retool and rethink to be ready for the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. We’ll have to brief Congress and leak to the media like we haven’t done in decades. Everything will need to be tried and resourced for every possible threat. And no Lair Legion to get in the way. Sorry, Amber, but it can’t be helped. We’ll find a place for you. Today, ladies and gentlemen, is our gateway to triumph.†There was a short silence, broken by an awed statement from Harmanda Barriere. “Herb, I still think you’re a first rate twit. But Politico was right when they named you three years running ‘Washington’s Wiliest Bureaucrat.’ For once, I’m going to follow your playbook.†SEC'Y CHRYSTIE: I could really use a double cheeseburger now. The meeting adjourned with an unanimous decision to pursue Mr. Garrick’s course of action. Playing the parts of plural political parasites: | |
HH schedules a review of assets for 2028 at the latest, pending agenda approval |
Subject: Oh, now we're definitely the Satireverse. [Re: J. Jonah Jerkson] Posted Sun Dec 25, 2016 at 04:00:55 am EST (Viewed 1 times) |
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Posted with Mozilla Firefox 43.0 on Linux
Quote: The Baroness, Part 72. The constituted authorities consider the crisis. Quote: This tie-in is concurrent with UT#357 Parts 1 and 2.Quote: Scene: a high-security conference room somewhere in Washington, D.C. A long, oval mahogany table is set with water glasses and pitchers, notepads, and small signs at each seat: SPUD – D. Drury, Office of Paranormal Security – A. Soames, Federal Metahuman Resource Center – R. Holcomb, SPAM – Harmanda Barriere, Presidential Adviser on Superheroes – H. Garrick (chair), A. St. Clair – Liaison to the Lair Legion, Defense Department – Gen. B. Guano (ret.) and Homeland Security Department – the Hon. C. Chrystie, ex-governor of New Guernsey. A red telephone without a dial sits in front of Mr. Garrick’s seat. Large screens on the walls are displaying the speaker’s slide show, plus real-time camera views of the Lair Legion’s base on Parody Island, the SAFE, the Wookiegetlucky Swamp and Ausgard.Quote: AMBER ST. CLAIR: “And so, it appears that the re-organization of reality wave is progressing without pause. Sometime in the next six hours all metahumans and non-humans on Earth will lose their powers and either become normal human beings or animals, or will perish. Evacuations of many of the remaining beings in these categories are underway but may not complete before the cutoff of dimensional and time travel.â€Quote: GENERAL GUANO: “Hot damn! We’ve won. Time to reallocate those appropriations to what we really need – more tanks.â€Quote: DIRECTOR DRURY: “Not so fast, General. I need that money to go after all the little pissant threats that the weird crew has been holding down. I tell you, we’re going to have Nazis coming out of our ears before long.â€Quote: MS. ST CLAIR (mumbling): “Sort of hard to get them out of the White House.â€Quote: SECRETARY CHRYSTIE (reaching behind him for a bag and finding it empty): “Hey, does anyone have more Doritos?â€Quote: ADMINISTRATOR SOAMES: “Are we sure that the metahumans are permanently losing their powers? How many times before has there been some strange energy field or interplanetary conqueror who shuts them down for a short time, and then they bounce back.â€Quote: MS. ST CLAIR (shuddering): “Especially CrazySugarFreakBoy.â€Quote: COMMISSIONER BARRIERE: “This episode, Mr. Soames, is different. My organization grabbed, er, obtained reluctant volunteers from the Terminus Team. We’ve had them under constant surveillance and testing for the last 36 hours. They are all losing their powers and reverting to mundane status – although we’re not quite sure whether whatever the Appalling Appendage Man is becoming is mundane – or even alive. Our conclusions are displayed on Screen 6.â€Quote: GEN. GUANO: “It doesn’t matter what those loonies are turning into -- they’re history. It’s time to re-equip for the real threat: inadequate levels of advanced military equipment. After we get the new tank divisions, I suppose we can let the Navy and the Air Force get some ships and some new missiles. And an armed services pay raise, of course.â€Quote: SEC’Y CHRYSTIE: “Does that mean that Defense will start catering these meetings again? I miss the apple crullers you brought before the latest budget cuts.â€Quote: GEN. GUANO: “I’ll personally make sure we bring back the crullers, if you back me on appropriations.â€Quote: DIRECTOR HOLCOMB: “My agency is preparing for a quick census of all known anomalous beings, starting tomorrow, with particular attention to any that may retain some form of unusual ability. Harmanda, we’d appreciate assistance from SPAM on this.â€Quote: COMM’R BARRIERE: “Of course, Ruben, just as soon as we finish cataloging all the changes. Maybe in about five months.â€Quote: DIR. DRURY: “Ain’t you all missing the point here? In six hours or so there won’t be any reason for most of us to be workin’ for Uncle Sam, dang it. We are about to be made redundant, obsolete, surplus, unneeded for requirements and about 40 other adjectives the suits are linin’ up. “Quote: GEN. GUANO (smirking): “Glad to see you understand the situation so well, Drury. The Army can always send you back to Sleazy Company and you can go after those part-time Nazis you’re so worried about. No helicarriers though. Shame. That reminds me, we need another 50 C-147 airlift platforms. We may have to zero out a few of your guys (makes note on his phone). Quote: ADMIN. SOAMES: “Bat, you are not going to break up the OPS and split up my best people just so you can get another batch of toys with my money. I’m going to fight you all the way to President Tromp on this. And you know how much he hates it when other businessmen make excessive profits.â€Quote: COMM’R BARRIERE: “Come after my budget, Guano, and you’ll see how many congresscritters owe me. You have been warned.â€Quote: DIR. HOLCOMB: “I’m not going down without a fight either. Although that will be a first.â€Quote: They all turned towards Herb Garrick, awaiting his riposte.Quote: ADVISER GARRICK (steepling his hands in thought): “This looks like a case where someone is closing a door but opening a window. Someone is powerful enough to turn off superheroes, lobotomize robots, banish fairies, vampires, ghouls and all those oddballs, and de-monsterfy the planet. That sounds like a class 1 threat to me. He, she or it may or may not be able to line those powers up against us, but even if they don’t, they must be one hell of a threat right up there with the Parody Master. So, this isn’t a threat, it’s a whole new opportunity. Every one of our agencies has to retool and rethink to be ready for the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. We’ll have to brief Congress and leak to the media like we haven’t done in decades. Everything will need to be tried and resourced for every possible threat. And no Lair Legion to get in the way. Sorry, Amber, but it can’t be helped. We’ll find a place for you. Today, ladies and gentlemen, is our gateway to triumph.†Quote: There was a short silence, broken by an awed statement from Harmanda Barriere. “Herb, I still think you’re a first rate twit. But Politico was right when they named you three years running ‘Washington’s Wiliest Bureaucrat.’ For once, I’m going to follow your playbook.†Quote: SEC'Y CHRYSTIE: I could really use a double cheeseburger now.Quote: The meeting adjourned with an unanimous decision to pursue Mr. Garrick’s course of action.Quote: Playing the parts of plural political parasites:Quote: | |
killer shrike especially enjoyed the "Dr. Strangelove" reference |
Subject: An excellent look at how the various govt agencies would view the current PV crisis [Re: J. Jonah Jerkson] Posted Sun Dec 25, 2016 at 12:57:26 pm EST (Viewed 2 times) |
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Al B. Harper enjoyed the look in on how the perps are addressing things. Member Since: Mon Jan 04, 2016 Posts: 485 |
Subject: But if we know about the unknown unknowns are they in fact known unknown unknowns? [Re: J. Jonah Jerkson] Posted Sun Dec 25, 2016 at 05:39:58 pm EST (Viewed 523 times) |
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Anime Jason Owner Location: Here Member Since: Sun Sep 12, 2004 Posts: 2,834 |
Subject: Long meeting with lots of bickering and nothing getting done? Sounds like government. [Re: J. Jonah Jerkson] Posted Mon Dec 26, 2016 at 12:39:52 pm EST (Viewed 553 times) |
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anime.mangacool.net (10.0.255.1) using Apple Safari 10.0.2 on MacOS X (0 points) | |
Visionary Moderator Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004 Posts: 2,131 |
Subject: To be fair to Chrystie, the food is often the only thing that makes a meeting like that bearable. [Re: J. Jonah Jerkson] Posted Mon Dec 26, 2016 at 07:56:08 pm EST (Viewed 562 times) |
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Posted with Apple iPad 602.3.12
Fun and probably way too accurate! I would say "poor Amber", but honestly she's likely happy if she's free from those gatherings now... | |
J. Jonah Jerkson Member Since: Fri Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 140 |
Subject: Re: To be fair to Chrystie, the food is often the only thing that makes a meeting like that bearable. [Re: Visionary] Posted Thu Dec 29, 2016 at 03:29:53 pm EST (Viewed 605 times) |
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Posted with Mozilla Firefox 50.0 on Windows 10
If you've ever attended government meetings, you will know that either there's no food or what's there is nearly petrified. Only a starving artist might think it's worthwhile. As for ex-Gov. Chrystie, it's just one more tiny item of his streak of bad luck, and I'm leaving him alone for now. As for Amber, unless she's looking for a change of career, she might not be so happy. Having been identified for so long with the LL, her transfer prospects in government may be, shall we say, bleak. J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People | |
J. Jonah Jerkson Member Since: Fri Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 140 |
Subject: Even in parody I strive for verisimilitude. Thanks. [Re: Anime Jason] Posted Thu Dec 29, 2016 at 03:31:21 pm EST (Viewed 593 times) |
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J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People | |
J. Jonah Jerkson Member Since: Fri Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 140 |
Subject: Take a look at your Russell and Zermelo on set theory. [Re: Al B. Harper] Posted Thu Dec 29, 2016 at 03:37:56 pm EST (Viewed 534 times) |
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J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People | |
J. Jonah Jerkson Member Since: Fri Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 140 |
Subject: It was one of the easiest things I've written, because the motivations were so obvious. Thanks. [Re: killer shrike especially enjoyed the "Dr. Strangelove" reference] Posted Thu Dec 29, 2016 at 03:39:49 pm EST (Viewed 545 times) |
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Posted with Mozilla Firefox 50.0 on Windows 10
J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People | |
J. Jonah Jerkson Member Since: Fri Nov 19, 2004 Posts: 140 |
Subject: The U.S. Supreme Court thinks they are almost the same, with one major difference. So there.. [Re: HH schedules a review of assets for 2028 at the latest, pending agenda approval] Posted Thu Dec 29, 2016 at 03:58:49 pm EST (Viewed 591 times) |
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SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES CAMPBELL, aka SKYYWALKER, et al. v. ACUFF ROSE MUSIC, INC. Certiorari to the United States Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit (1994) No. 92-1292 Argued: November 9, 1993 Decided: March 7, 1994 Parody needs to mimic an original to make its point, and so has some claim to use the creation of its victim's (or collective victims') imagination, whereas satire can stand on its own two feet and so requires justification for the very act of borrowing. 15 See Ibid.; Bisceglia, Parody and Copyright Protection: Turning the Balancing Act Into a Juggling Act, in ASCAP, Copyright Law Symposium, No. 34, p. 25 (1987). [ Footnote 15 ] Satire has been defined as a work "in which prevalent follies or vices are assailed with ridicule," 14 The Oxford English Dictionary 500 (2d ed. 1989), or are "attacked through irony, derision, or wit," The American Heritage Dictionary 1604 (3d ed. 1992). J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People |
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