“Carded” - The Case of the Christmas Card Caper 


    Anna saw a giant fluorescent yellow reversed “C” that spun from it’s lower to upper section, very quickly, overlaid in complete darkness.  It was the symbol that meant her cybernetic body was completing a reset.  Then her vision returned, only it was still dark.  A switch to infrared showed only light heat signatures from electrical appliances nearby.  

    There were faint, muffled voices from far away.  The muffling meant they were in another room, and she was behind a closed door.

    She tried to sit up, but her hands and feet were bound by thick metal handcuffs.  She was lying on her side on the floor, and apparently her eyes were covered with some sort of fabric, tied behind her head.

    Since she didn’t have much to do, she tried to play back how she ended up in this predicament.  She picked up a christmas card from Hatman’s desk that had her name printed on it, and she wondered why someone would send her one.  As soon as she slipped it out of the envelope and opened it, something hit her like a bolt of lightning.  It felt like someone grabbed the room she was in, and shook it violently enough that she lost consciousness.

    Anna still had communications, but only because some fool put her in a shielded room, but kept wifi on so they could use a computer in there.  She researched what happened to her first, and found an article by Dr. Albert B Harper explaining the side effects of a failed dimensional jump.

    That’s what happened to her.  That’s why the Lair Legion was missing, except their dimensional jump did not fail.  They had been taken away somewhere by the cards.

    But why did hers fail?  She contacted Hallie next.  Hallie was just as baffled as Anna, wondering why the Lair Legion was not answering her calls.  Anna updated the A.I. by sharing what she learned, and then she also shared her predicament.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where are you?”  Hallie asked.  “I can’t seem to trace your location by I.P. address, it’s one of those stupid direct satellite internet services, except it’s been modified to be used without an account.  You could be anywhere south of Canada’s Northwest Territory and the Equator, and between California and Nova Scotia.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If I keep transmitting, can you triangulate it?”  Anna asked.

    Hallie sighed.  “I’m afraid those services only use a single satellite at a time.  I might be able to narrow the field using the transmission strength, but then we’re talking three or four states.  I think I’d have better luck tracing everyone who bought an unlocked satellite kit recently.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do your best.”  Anna replied, trying her best not to sound desperate.  She hated feeling helpless.  “Is there anyone you can send if you do find me?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know yet.”  Hallie responded honestly.  Then after a short silence, she asked, “Anna?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes?”  the android replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hang in there, okay?  I know you’re scared.  Soon as I find you, I’ll send the police if I have to--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, don’t.”  Anna quickly stopped her.  “They will get hurt.  I hear voices...I hear Velcro Vixen, and the Birthday Bandit.  Mary Prankstar, HuntingJustice DeathMarrow.  And he just mentioned the Hooded Hood.  I’ll escape myself if I have to.  I can fight them on my own, at least till I can escape.”

    There was a pause, and then Hallie said, “I don’t want you to die alone.  Break free and get out of there without fighting, without getting caught.  I know you can do it.  I’ll keep this channel open as long as I can.”

    Anna felt stronger now, after that encouragement.  She tried to twist her hands free, but whoever bound her did their research.

    The door to the room opened, and flooded everything with light.  Anna kept perfectly still, making it seem like she was still unconscious.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That poor, stupid mechanical girl.”  Birthday Bandit chuckled.  “Got dropped here because she has no birthday.  I feel sorry for her.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I still think we should kill her.”  HuntingJustice DeathMarrow said.  “But this is your party, and you can screw it up if you want to.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Whatever.”  Birthday Bandit slammed the door, and there was a soft click as he locked it.  

    The voices became muffled again after that.

    Anna bent in half so that her covered eyes lined up with the outline of her feet that she could see via infrared.  Like humans, her body shed heat, so she had no problem finding her feet, and then her legs, and the cold metal brace between them.

    She had to work carefully.  At low enough power, her lasers would cut through the blindfold without setting fire to it, and would cut the metal, slowly, without making a lot of noise.

    Her hands, being bound behind her back, could not be freed, but at least she could walk.  She stood, and moved to the closest object, which she used to push the blindfold over the top of her head and off.  Now she could use low-light night vision to see the room.

    It looked like a standard master bedroom, except with no bed, and only sparse furniture.  The most important part was that there was a bathroom with two sinks in an alcove beside it.  And above the sinks was a mirror.

    She quickly yet quietly shuffled over there and used the mirror as a reflector for her eye lasers so she could cut the shackles free from her wrists.  Now she was fully able to escape and defend herself.  However, now that she knew dangerous super-villains were in the next room, she would rather do so quietly.  And quickly, too, because it was likely they would check on her again soon.

    There was no window in that room, or the bathroom.  She guessed she must be in an apartment building, and the master bedroom was interior, so even breaking through the wall wouldn’t work.  She could fall an unknown distance to the ground below.

    Her only way out was right past those super-villains.  Fortunately, none of them was known to be particularly fast.  

    So she opened the door a sliver and peeked out.  The front door, obviously so because of the presence of a deadbolt lock, was a straight shot from there.  After that, the terrain was unknown, and she would have to cover it as quickly as possible.  That meant she needed a significant lead on them, so she would have to be out that front door before they knew what was going on.

    Opening the front door was also out of the question.  It was wood, so with enough momentum she could crash right through it.

    According to plan, Anna threw open the bedroom door, took a couple of steps back, and then propelled herself with enough power that her stride shot her across the living room in only a few steps.  She noticed all the super-villains watch her zip by as almost a blur, and she just barely crashed through the front door as she saw HuntingJustice DeathMarrow reach for a weapon.

    She didn’t give the villain a chance.  A little stunned by her collision with the door, and breaking through part of a staircase rail, and into the opposite wall, she quickly recovered and vaulted over the rail, falling three floors, and then over the next rail to another three.  Two arrows punctured the floors above her as she fell, and she heard cursing above.

    Anna then burst through a thin steel door, having to untangle it from herself as she reached the street.  It was too early to stop.  She had to keep going at full speed, and disappear before anyone could reach her.  And then she had to hide somewhere safe, because if she tried to head to the Lair Mansion, they could intercept her.

    HuntingJustice DeathMarrow angrily pointed a rocket launcher down the street as the android disappeared into the distance.  

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you crazy?”  Velcro Vixen pushed the nose of the weapon down.  “Do you have any idea how much attention that will draw?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, and yes.”  HJDM replied coldly.  But then relented, going back inside.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your stupid android captive escaped,”  she told the Birthday Bandit.

    Anna was too far away by then to hear the string of curse words, but those trapped in the cards may have.  Instead, she was more concerned with her getaway.  She finally stopped at a public library.

    But not because she wanted to...because she had to.  Libraries had lots of places to hide among the stacks.  She needed to find one spot in particular.  Normally, her batteries could recharge through kinetic activity - i.e. moving around.  But after she had been held prisoner for a while, and then made heavy use of her lasers, the sudden burst of activity wasn’t enough.  And she felt she needed her power topped off just in case she had to run or fight again.

    So she casually picked out a book, sat on the floor between two shelves, and pulled a thin cord from her neck.  Partially behind one shelf was an electrical outlet...she didn’t use them often, but now was a good time to do so.  She plugged in and began quietly recharging while she read.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hallie,”  she called in to the A.I., “I’m at the library topping off batteries.  Please tell me when you find the missing Lair Legion.  I will be eager and ready to help.”

    Hallie replied, “I will.”

    And then she quietly resumed her reading.


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission.  Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow.  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin.  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

...that Anna's never felt the need to establish (arbitrarily or otherwise) a "switching-on day".  Suppose she's had more pressing things to contend with.  As for retreating to the library - well, I can totally relate to that.  A few hours' peace can be hard to come by over the holiday.  Nice one.

So Anna doesn't have anything that counts as a birthday? No activation day, no completion date, no moment of becoming truly sentient? That's sad. Not that it didn't have advantages here, of course.

She hasn't quite picked one yet. And yes, that probably means she's been silently jealous every time someone had a birthday party.