Adventures in Parodyverse: The Trial of Liu Xi Xian, Part 2


    Visionary turned and gave Anna a frightened and worried look.  Anna sympathized with his plight, and she gently placed a hand on his shoulder as the two stood in Sir Mumphrey’s office.  Sir Mumphrey wasn’t there, since he was helping out with Liu Xi Xian’s murder case.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you sure you can’t go with him?”  Visionary asked.

    Normally he wasn’t so terrified of Lair Legion business.  It’s just that this was Vinnie De Soth business, which generally meant facing things that terrified anyone who was sane.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Vizh, I’m not a Legionnaire.  Besides, you can take comfort in the thought that I will be looking after and protecting your children while you’re gone.”

    He nodded, and choked back his nearly mumbling something about her having to look after them forever if something happened.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Besides, Vinnie’s...distracted by girls.”  Anna added with a smirk.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  Right.”  Visionary nodded in agreement.  “Just um...call someone powerful if I’m not back quickly.  Lara, or Faite, or Dark Thugos or something.”

    Anna laughed.  “I’ll do that,”  she said.  Then she let go of him, and went on her way toward the Lair Mansion Study, where Magweed, Griffin, and a not-enthusiastic-to-be-babysat Samantha Featherstone waited.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, um...”  Visionary called after her, so she stopped and turned around.  “You really are different from when we first found you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm?”  Anna asked.  She didn’t quite understand the context.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This trial with Liu Xi, it got me thinking--”  He stopped when Vinnie came into the office, but then continued on.  “--got me thinking about how you’re all different from when you first arrived.  Liu Xi is much less angry.  You’re much more self-assured.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thanks.”  The android blushed a little bit at the compliment.  “Good luck,”  she said as Vinnie and Visionary left the office.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So um...what are we doing today?”  Visionary asked the Acting Sorcerer Supreme.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Visiting a frozen yogurt stand.”  Vinnie replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  That doesn’t sound too bad.”

    Vinnie looked at him.  “Everyone who’s eaten it has turned into a demon.”

    The Regular nodded.  “Still, pretty common for around here.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They’re eating their way through downtown,”  Vinnie continued.  “Cars, buildings.”  He looked right at Visionary when he added, “People.”

    Visionary swallowed hard.  “So...my job is to talk to the yogurt stand owner?  Or move people to safety?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,”  Vinnie told him.  “You’re the bait.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Great,”  Visionary sighed.


---


    Lara Night entered Hatman’s office at the Lair Mansion, and found him lying face-first on the oak desk, atop some paperwork.  She wasn’t at all panicked, though, because she understood.

    The blonde approached her relatively new friend, and she sat on the surface of the desk, crossing one leg over the other, and then pushing aside some of the papers.  Then she gently tapped the side of his head.

    Hatman jerked awake, and his baseball cap flopped onto the desk.  He sat up, and fumbled with the cap.  It just eluded his grasp, but he didn’t care once he saw who had awakened him, and that he was safe.

    Lara immediately took a guess for him.  “You haven’t slept all night because you’re searching for a loophole to help Liu Xi Xian, and just when you thought you could make up the sleep this morning...”  she pointed at the pile of paperwork she shoved over to the edge of the desk.

    He didn’t reply at first.  Instead, he just sighed, and slouched back onto the desk.  That led him to have to shield his eyes from light pouring in from the window.

    Finally, he said, “I guess you’re here to tell me to get some sleep?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  She shook her head.  “I’m here to give you sleep.  I’m going to take your place today.  Go to sleep, if someone really needs you I promise I’ll find you.”

    He lifted his head to protest, but she stopped him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You trust me, don’t you?”  she asked.  “And you asked me to be in reserve in case the Lair Legion needs me.”

    He smiled tiredly just then.  “You’re defeating me with my own logic, eh?”

    She nodded.  “Also by abusing my power.  If you don’t go to sleep here I’ll instantly send you back to your place at the Foundation so you’ll be too tired to find your way back here.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I really appreciate the help, Lara, but...the truth is, I can’t sleep.  I’m in this state because I’ve been trying, and I just can’t.  At least until you started talking to me, now I’m kind of nodding off.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay...I’ll go with you then and talk to you until you drift off.  Then I’ll return to here and fill in for you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If people see that--”  he started to say.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We don’t have to use the hallways, you know, we can take a more direct route,”  she said.  “Besides...anyone who says anything negative about it doesn’t really know either of us very well.”

    Jay sighed.  “You’re making sense again,”  he groaned.

    She laughed.  “I know.  Just a couple of hours, okay?  I’ll make sure you’re don’t miss the trial.”  

    Rather than waiting for an answer, she took ahold of his hand, and instantly changed the venue to Jay’s Lair Mansion temporary quarters.  It was a small room, smaller than most at the Mansion, because he wasn’t there all that much - it was set up in case he was too tired or sore to go home.  There was just enough room for a bed, one plush chair and small table, and a small bathroom that was added during recent remodels.

    She watched him lumber to the bed and lay down face first, and she pulled his shoes off and dropped them onto the floor.  Then she curled up in the plush chair across the room.  “You know, between you and Liu Xi each being in the mansion only part of the time, you both could probably share the use of one room.”

    There was no answer.  Lara moved closer, sliding her knees onto the bed carefully as not to shake it.  She leaned close to him and noticed that he had already fallen sound asleep.  Her presence and voice actually helped.

    Silently, she stepped off the bed, exited the room, and closed the door.  Yuki Shiro was standing outside in the hallway.  “He’s asleep, Yuki,”  she whispered, hoping the purple-haired legionnaire wasn’t there to speak to him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good,”  Yuki said.  “He never listens to me when I tell him to get some sleep.  We’re down three legionnaires - Liu Xi, Vinnie, and Visionary - plus Chiaki is working on the trial.  The rest of us all have to be healthy and alert.  This is just the time when something really bad happens.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay.  Well while he sleeps I’ll be filling in if you need anything,”  Lara said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was hoping you’d say that.”  Yuki replied.

    Lara paused.  She sounded suspicious as she asked, “Um...why?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t want to say while Hatty was awake but...I think Vizh and Vinnie are going to need help.”

    They both looked at the door to Jay’s quarters when they heard a sound like someone tripping over furniture.  They both burst in at the same time, expecting to see him awake and wandering around the room.

    Instead, they saw something much more horrifying.  It was a shadowy figure, like a ninja, standing over him with a large sword.  They saw its dark eyes, for just a moment.  And then in a puff of white smoke, the figure was gone.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Change of plan,”  Yuki whispered to Lara, “I’ll help Vizh.  You stay in this room.  I’m going to ask Anna and Hallie to search the Mansion.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yuki, what the hell is going on here?”  Lara asked quietly.

    The Legionnaire frowned.  “You know how Hatty tends to keep quiet and pretend he can handle everything himself?  I think we just discovered the real reason he hasn’t been sleeping.  Stay with him.  Don’t let him out of your sight.”


---


    Arnold J. Armbruster answered his door bleary-eyed with his hair a mess, unshaven, and smelling like bourbon.  The man who rang his doorbell was the prosecutor who worked opposite him in Liu Xi Xian’s trial.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought I’d stop by and discuss a settlement.  Shouldn’t you be getting ready?  The trial’s in two hours.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pfft.”  Arnie dismissed him, intensifying the alcohol smell.  “What kind of settlement?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Plead guilty to--”

    Arnie slammed the door in his face.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wait!  You didn’t let me finish!”

    The door opened again.  “I’m not listening to any settlement that starts with ‘plead guilty to’.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Involuntary manslaughter.  She’ll only spend a few years in prison--”

    The door slammed again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Fine, but you know you’re not going to win!”  the lawyer yelled through the closed door.  “She’s going to live the rest of her life rotting in prison!”

    Arnie opened the door again, and stared at the prosecutor as a self-satisfied smile appeared on his face.  Then Arnie stepped forward, and leaned close to him as if he was going to whisper.

    And then Arnie vomited all over the prosecutor’s expensive suit and shoes.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry.”  Arnie said.  “You might want to get cleaned up, the trial’s in a couple hours.”  Then he slammed the door shut again.


TO BE CONTINUED


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission.  Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow.  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin.  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Really, I'm amazed it took that long for side effects of the stuff to become apparent.

Fun stuff! Sorry for the delay in replying. Just finished a deadline today as my parents (who were visiting) left on the next leg of their trip. I'll try to be around a bit more now.

...instead of melting into a nice cold sweet puddle, the sun turns frozen yogurt into a separated greasy glob.








Good, because I may have fanfic to post later on.