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It's early afternoon in Goth Haven. In Mid-Town, there stands a restaurant, Tic-Tac-Phở, which is known for it's food & it's decor. One won't find a better Phở or collection of Clocks in the city.

Sitting at a booth near the middle of the restaurant is Jerry White. Today is the last day he'll be in city. He came to town to do a bit of business but still hasn't completed it. He'd stay longer but things back in California need attending to. Mostly because it's getting harder & harder to deal with his clients long distance.

Jerry has been in the restaurant for sometime. He's on his third bowl & is hoping that the message he left gets to it's intended party. His reason for coming across the country was to talk to Ham-Boy but it's been hard to do so. He's not listed in the phone book & every time he's tried calling the Lair Legion for connect info that wouldn't give it to him. They claim they have never heard of him & don't give out personal information to strangers.

As a last ditch effort, Jerry left a message with who he thinks is the Legion's secretary, Hallie, where he'd be & if Ham-Boy wasn't busy could he come meet him. That is why he's be loitering at the restaurant. He's checked his e-mail a few times on his phone, counted the clocks on the walls, watched his fellow restaurant patrons. He's also noticed that he's been getting as few looks from the staff. He knows that he needs to either meet up with Ham-Boy, pay for his soup & leave or he'll get kicked out.

Jerry was watching the looks he was getting when a new customer came in. It was a 20 something male. He was dressed in well worn brown leather jacket with a faded yellow H on the front & back. Under the jacket was black turtle neck. The rest of his clothes was grey cargo pants, leather combat boots, a belt around his waist with a bunch of pockets & a sting of sausages hanging for it. On his head was a mask, it was a dark brown with a diamond pattern on.

From the moment the man walked in, Jerry knew who is was. It's Ham-Boy!

He stopped to talk to the hostess, there was some talking & then she looked around the restaurant. Jerry saw this & waved at her. She then brought the man over to Jerry's table. He takes off his jacket & sits down. She then hands him a menu. He thanks her & she walks back to her station near the door.

"Thanks for coming." Jerry said. There was a short pause then he added. "I wasn't sure you were coming."

"Me, either." He said as he looked up from the menu. "I was…" He started but paused for a moment. "at my other job when I got your message."

"Thanks for coming." Jerry repeated.

The two of them sat there in silence. Ham-Boy was looking over the menu. Jerry just looking over the man across from him. Jerry broke the silence with a question.

"I was wondering something. I bet you get this all the time." He said with a chuckle.

Ham-Boy looked up, rolling his eyes a bit & then said. "It's about the cowl, isn't it?"

Jerry wasn't sure what to say. Ham-Boy pointed his mask. Jerry then nodded his head yes.

"It's not made of ham. Just made to give the look of ham. It's fabric."

"Ok." came Jerry's reply.

Then more silence which Ham-Boy then broke after putting down the menu.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Who are you?" Ham-Boy said with all seriousness.

Jerry wasn't expecting that question.

"Well… uh.." he started to say as he stumbled over his words.

"Hallie told me you had been calling the mansion a couple of times a day for the last couple of days asking about me. She didn't know who you were & I don't."

"So… why did you come here?"

"To find who you were & why your wanted to meet with me? Are you working for E.C.O.L.I.? Baron Wasteland?" Ham-Boy asked. He paused then asked "Someone else? Are you going to they & kill me?"

"No. No." Jerry said. He wasn't sure who those people were but his assumed that were super villains of some kind.

"I'm from Hollywood."

There was brief pause & then Ham-Boy asked "Are you here ask about the Ham-Boy movie?"

"What?"

Jerry wasn't aware that were was such a thing.

"Because I don't know what happened with that. I didn't really have any input on that movie. I only found out that it was being made until the movie was most of the way done & from what I heard about it's story it wasn't all that good or accurate. I don't think it was even released. So, I'm not sure what happened to it."

"No. No. I'm not here about a Ham-Boy movie." Jerry said but did make a mental note about finding out what happened to to it. "I'm here for you & what you can do for a client of mine."

"oh. ok." came Ham-Boy's reply. He sounded unsure of what Jerry meant.

"Do you who Keely Montgomery is?"

Ham-Boy thought about it for a moment or two. "No. Should I?" He said a bit puzzled.

Before Jerry could reply, Ham-Boy said "Right now I think I should tell you I don't watch that many TV shows or go to the movie at that much."

"Ok. I can fill you in later. I represent Ms. Montgomery & she's at a low point in her career at the moment."

"ok."

"And I think you can help her?"

There was a moment pause before Ham-Boy asked "How?"

"I'd like to you be her boyfriend. I'll pay you for your time."

There was another pause. Jerry could see that Ham-Boy was thinking. Before he could answer, a waitress came over to take Ham-Boy's order & ask if Jerry wanted anything more. Ham-Boy ordered the special & Jerry ordered another bowl.

Once the waitress had left, Ham-Boy asked. "So… I'd be a Hooker?"

"What?"

"a prostitute. Your asking me to become her boyfriend & your paying me for doing so. That sounds like prostitution to me."

"No. No. NO!" Jerry said louder each time. That last No had some people look around to see who had said it.

Jerry calmed down a bit & then continued. "Your wouldn't be a hooker. I'd just like to appear in public with Keely & appear to be her new boyfriend. For doing so you'd be paid for your time."

"Would we have to have sex?"

"Only if you two want to. The bare amount of physical contact would be some hand holding & some kissing. The rest would be up to you & Keely."

Ham-Boy just sat there.

"So… do you want to except the job offer?"

Ham-Boy continued to sit there with a blank on his face.

"Ham-Boy?"

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TO BE CONTINUED!

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FOOTNOTES:

- Don't know who Keely Montgomery is either? Well, like Ham-Boy you'll be filled in who she is in forth coming stories. Just keep reading!

- Ham-Boy: The Movie: a few years back & I think in only 1 story there was made mention of a Ham-Boy movie being made. But I never followed up on that. I think I had originally had planned on doing so just never did.

No good can come of this proposal. Either this woman is like 100 years old, or she's like one of the Wooster Twins. Ham-Boy is in serious trouble.

Then again, maybe she'll be nice and this will be the best gig he ever had. Not.

Keely & Jerry made their 1st appearance in a short scene at the very end of HB #8 & were unnamed there. They next show in & are named in HB #10a. Jerry shows up without Keely in HB #11, HB #12 part 1 & part 3. This issue marks the longest scene with Jerry or Keely.




It all depends on how you define "Good".




Not sure how older the Wooster Twins are but I'd say Keely is closer in age to them then being 100 years old.

Again it all depends on how you define "Trouble".




See HB #10a on how she's acts.

Ham-boy should be flattered to be such a valuable accessory on the arm of a Hollywood starlet. Of course, if he says no, there's always the chance she'll shoplift him anyway.

I didn't say that in the story but when I've talked about to my parents they both made the same comment about him being an escort.




I'll be bringing up why he's being asked in a future story.




Or maybe something worse!

Enjoyed this. Ham-Boy's reaction is spot-on. Keely is surely going through the classic Five Stages of Career Fade. First the denial, then the anger, now the ill-considered stunt relationship. Wonder if she'll make it to stage five, the humiliating appearance in barrel-scraping reality show.

Thanks!




Oh. Keeley is already on a Reality Show: Surviving Hollywood! She's been on it for a few years. Not sure it's a "barrel-scraping" reality show.