Adventures in Parodyverse: Precision Instrument, Part 1


    Judge Nancy Connor stepped up behind the heavy oak bench, and sat down in her leather chair.  She looked over the courtroom, and it was silent and still, as everyone present awaited her decision.

    Sitting in front of her, to her right, was a young woman with deep blue colored hair, who seemed so small at that moment.  Her eyes were cast down at the table instead of at the judge.  Her mannerism as she testified during the last few hours underlined her polite, quiet demeanor, and her obvious lack of self esteem.

    And it was all because until today, she was considered property.  Stolen property, at that.  And that was about to end.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“On the first motion,”  Judge Connor spoke loudly and clearly to her court, as she put on her reading glasses, “That the android known as Anna be granted the rights and privileges of any citizen of the United States.”

    The judge looked up and admitted sadly, “I’m afraid that sort of thing isn’t in the jurisdiction of a state court.”

    That poor android looked dejected almost immediately.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“However,”  the Judge continued, catching Anna’s attention once more.  “Your attorney, Mr. Armbruster, was smart enough to make a second motion.  One that is in this court’s jurisdiction.  One that I will gladly grant, and should simultaneously grant you all the same rights this court is unable to specifically grant you under the first motion.”

    Anna looked both curious and hopeful now.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s risky.”  the judge continued, “But I believe this is your best fighting chance in a court of law, if and when my decision is challenged.  Would you please rise, and hold up your right hand?”

    Without hesitation, Anna did so.  She was shaking very slightly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Repeat after me.”  Judge Connor said.  “I hereby swear that I will support and defend the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America...”


---


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And then she swore in Anna as a citizen.”  Yuki excitedly told Dreamcatcher Foxglove.  He had been ejected from the courtroom earlier in the trial for drowning out the testimony of Anna’s opponents with cursing as they attempted to testify against her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The U.S. Attorney’s Office will probably appeal.”  Arnie J. Armbruster pointed out about those opponents.

    Yuki rolled her eyes.  “Don’t listen to him, he’s just sour because the judge closed the case with ‘Now get the hell out of my court, Arnie!’”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I may have called her several times a day until she agreed to take the case.”  the lawyer admitted.  “Sometimes drunk, at 2 a.m.”

    Anna finally caught up to the three of them.  She had been to the clerk’s office to pick up her paperwork.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, congrats!”  Dream hugged her.  She seemed both tired and still in shock over her day.  “Why did you guys decide to do this, anyway?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because after interviewing Anna,”  Yuki explained, “I knew SPUD and the government would never leave her alone.”


---

    Several Days Earlier

    Yuki Shiro sat in Hatman’s old office chair, one leg crossed over the other, only the chair was in front of the desk rather than behind it.  She had a pad of paper balanced on her lap - not that she needed to take notes to remember things, but it was comforting to do so.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So far what we know is a Dr. Lia Anne Paul designed you.  She named you Anna because it’s an anagram - Autonomous Neural Network Android - and because it’s kind of like her middle name.”  Yuki summarized.

    Anna was sitting across from Yuki in a plush dark green armchair, which had been moved from in front of the fireplace.  She nodded quietly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dr. Lia was the leading scientist in robotics and artificial intelligence at Paradopolis University right up until she realized her funding came from SPUD, and came with strings attached.  Namely that they required her to design for them and keep it secret.”

    The android nodded again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And she fled SPUD pretty much at the same time you did.”  Yuki continued.  “How did you know to flee also?  Did you wait until she was gone?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Anna replied.  “She...she hinted at it.  She said she wanted to be free, but she couldn’t be until she knew I would be too.  I promised her I would be.  The next morning she was gone so I...freed myself, as I promised..”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.”  Yuki sat up.  “Go on.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I knew all of SPUD’s plans.  I knew I was scheduled for project cancellation, I knew that meant if Lia left I would be...destroyed, unless Lia could free me first.  But when she told me that one last thing, I knew she couldn’t do it, and I had to leave.  It was a relief to know she had the same thought, and was going too.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm.”  Yuki whispered.  “I’m sorry I never asked all of this before.”

    Anna smiled.  “You were trying to be considerate of my feelings.”  she said.  “I appreciate that.  But now I know it’s necessary to tell you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Yuki agreed.  “Because if there’s one single fact SPUD knows that I don’t, this whole thing could fall apart.  Except for military secrets, maybe.  You have to keep those to ensure your own safety.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“All the secrets I had are most likely outdated by now.”  Anna pointed out.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good point.”  Yuki wrote that down.  That very line could come in handy in court.

    Sometime between those last two parts of the conversation, CrazySugarFreakBoy! wandered into the office.  He hated being there usually because he thought it was stuffy and he hated paperwork.  But this time he was curious what Yuki was doing.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’re you two doing?”  the Wired Wonder asked.

    The purple-haired Legionnaire looked up at him.  “Petitioning a court, with the help of Arnie J. Armbruster.”

    CSFB! stared at her, not really comprehending.  “Huh?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dream, right now Anna is only safe from SPUD as long as we keep her hidden or secured.  They can pretty much seize her at any time and claim she was their property all along.  In this case possession is nine tenths of the law.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s bullshit!”  CSFB! exclaimed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It is bullshit.”  Yuki agreed.  “That’s why we’re having a court grant Anna specific rights.  Right now I’m gathering info, trying to predict any challenge SPUD or the government might bring to derail the case.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, cool.  That’s a good idea.”  Dream slapped Yuki on the shoulder.  “If Dan Drury’s in court, give him the finger, would you?”

    Yuki nodded and smiled.  “Of course.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hah!  I knew I liked you for a reason.”  Dream wandered back out into the hall, his attention drawn elsewhere again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You really think this will work?”  Anna asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Yuki nodded.  “Because it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.  Arnie went to law school with someone who knows someone who knows this judge.  He’s going to convince her to hear the case.”


NEXT:  What Happens Now


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

I can't see how that ruling would stand... It doesn't seem to be based on anything more than the judge knowing the lawyer. It would open a massive floodgate of robosapiens asking to be sworn in (I'm assuming from the oath that Anna isn't declared a Natural Born Citizen, but she also didn't seem to need to pass any of the standards that foreign born humans have to meet to become a US citizen, so I'm not quite sure). The implications of it would be massive... Corporations could literally manufacture voters. The laws of democracy would need to be rewritten.

It's certainly an interesting development, however, and one my characters will need to address (considering how many of my long term plots revolve around this kind of issue.) I'm curious to see where this all will lead for Anna though, and I look forward to the next chapter.

They *were* pretty sure it would be challenged. The general basis of it was that Anna is now subject to the rules of due process - so if any government organization tries to arrest her, she can demand a trial. Of course she can also lose that trial, but that's another matter. Remember, the judge said she can't grant Anna specific rights because that's beyond the court's scope. But since Anna met the minimum literal standard for citizenship, she could grant it whether it would stick or not. It's a lot like a judge marrying a couple who meets the minimum state standard.

The standards she presumably met are she's been living in the U.S. long enough, has no affiliation with any entity (the LL adopted her but she's not even a contender for membership yet), she hasn't been convicted of any crime, and she is capable of understanding the process.

(Note: That's why manufacturing voters wouldn't work - they're all affiliated with the manufacturer or whoever ordered them, and if built cheaply enough they wouldn't even understand the process)





The only place it will "lead" from my own writing perspective is she can't legally be snatched off the street and tortured by someone every month anymore by someone claiming she's just their property and they can do as they please. Presumably - it doesn't mean anyone won't try.

I do expect Hallie might be a little upset that Yuki, angry about Anna's last torturing, and that one judge may have derailed some of what she's been working on (because I believe Hallie was working on a larger scale to guarantee specific rights - something this particular judge couldn't do). But Yuki might point out that Anna couldn't wait, because she was under an imminent threat.

It was her idea. Mostly Yuki was afraid that Anna was in *imminent* danger. So she ignored the politics of the situation and took the quickest and straightest route.

Here was the problem: Anna was in imminent danger. I realized that after checking through the last few stories I wrote with her. The government had been embarrassed multiple times - and now especially with Hodgekiss in charge, the likelihood of an armored task force with the sole purpose of killing Anna being formed was becoming more likely.

Why do I say that? Because Anna's plight wasn't public. It was just her and the Lair Legion vs the government, privately and quietly. Yuki did this so Anna's plight would become public - and force the government to at least outwardly pretend to lose interest.

But, now that her plight *is* public, the political robot rights movement is going to want her dead for interfering with their solidarity. At least that's not quite so imminent, though, and Anna can defend herself in a limited fashion when it isn't dozens of soldiers who know all her weaknesses.

Basically Anna was stuck between a rock and a hard place: Likely sacrifice her life for the case of robot rights solidarity, or survive and be hated by those artificials who would have helped her. It's not a fun choice.

I was really thinking that the anti-robot rights lobby would be the ones to most object. Anna's just made herself a poster girl and uppety robots need disassembling.

We don#'t really have a fleshed out anti-robot movement so feel free to go ahead and create a really good one.

Usually supremacist type groups like that are cowards. Most likely they'll throw stuff at her and vandalize the Lair Mansion at first.

Then again, they're violent cowards, so they just may destroy a robot, and throw it on the Lair Mansion lawn with a note that it's Anna's fault.

But the real burn will come from the opposite, the robot rights movement, who will turn its back on Anna because she didn't put solidarity first.

Oh, I understand the need for it. Which is why she should probably do some press that Meg sets up.





I'm not aware of any anti-affiliation rule. You are not instantly granted citizenship if you are born in the US to parents who are subjects of a foreign power in a "diplomatic or official capacity". Most of the requirements for naturalization are based on time... being 18 years old, having lived in the US for 5 years, etc. Then it's a matter of being of good moral character and passing the citizenship test.

In any event, the story prodded me to think through what would happen as a result of it, and to pen a tie-in... So I obviously found it an interesting fictional circumstance to ponder, and I look forward to seeing the story continue.

Yuki's trying to keep it publicly low-profile until the dust settles. We'll see how well that works.





I meant in particular that Anna isn't affiliated with any robot rights group. That might be considered a subversive political organization, which can jeopardize citizenship.

Basically, the point is that since Anna was always victimized and never active, she was an ideal candidate for citizenship because she's seen as a law-abiding innocent. And since she appears so human and emotional, her posture in court was important too. Joan Henry might have had a much harder time of it.





Noted.

Judging from the two tie-ins already posted, I would say not very well. Publicity is actually Anna's friend in this case, as if she were to disappear after becoming famous for this ruling it would bring down unwanted attention on the government. The press would definitely investigate, which in turn would likely trigger a Congressional investigation, and that's the kind of thing that can bring even spy agencies to heel.

I don't see that as likely... she asked for what they're all asking for, the difference is that she (surprisingly) got it. Some might resent her for the connections that made it possible, but that's not likely to be violent. At most, those that feel she's a detriment to the cause would want to distance themselves from her... but barring her taking some further action that angers the robosapien population, they're most likely to take her as a positive symbol of hope than lash out at her.

If you really wanted to pursue that kind of storyline, however, I could imagine a scenario where some extremists believe she's more useful as a martyr, and would conspire to be rid of her in a way that would cast more sympathy down on the robo-rights cause. Of course, that only works if they successfully hide their involvement, so even then they wouldn't be openly against Anna for any reason.

I'm not thinking about individually though, I'm thinking politically - because every political organization hates being upstaged. They generally want that if progress is going to be made, it has to be made by someone associated with them so they can justify their existence. Otherwise why does anyone need the organization anymore? Basically it's the same rule as unions - they don't want workers organizing against an employer unless they're union members.

I don't think it would be a violent reaction, either. I think it might cause problems though if, say, Hallie is a member of one of those organizations and they're encouraging her to stop supporting Anna or lose her membership.





Now it's kind of too late to use her as a martyr, fortunately...and if they had such plans, it would be a waste of time now thanks to Anna's case. The point of a martyr is to generate public sympathy for a cause; but since she already achieved it, her coming to harm or death now would just bring sadness.

Nice update - your jobs sounds like a lot of fun!

Al B.