Luck o’ the Legion  - Part 5


    The Pot o’ Gold pub near Paradopolis University was loud, very loud.  That was the first thing Anna noticed upon entering.  She had very sharp senses indeed, so she sensed that much when she was still clear across the street.

    Inside, everything was made of dark, heavily varnished, stained wood like an ancient sailing ship - including the walls, the bar, the tables, chairs, and doors.  Every one of the tables were filled by mixed parties that probably didn’t know each other, but were looking for space in the crowded establishment.  The only privacy was in the small booths, which were all full, but vacated regularly.

    Anna became aware that she was drawing eyes of various male patrons in the establishment.  She wore a black body hugging yet modest dress with black leggings, and leather belt and short boots.  The only green she wore was a string of iridescent beads handed to her on the way in, which she had around her neck.

    Even with all the noise and movement, her visual acuity found its target immediately - a short Asian girl in jeans and a bright green shirt, who was in a booth with a messy haired American in a dark green sweater and black slacks.  She headed straight for the two of them.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hi guys.”  Anna greeted Liu Xi Xian and Vinnie De Soth.  “You called me?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes.”  Liu Xi replied cheerfully.  There was an overloaded plate full of jalapeño and cheese nachos in front of her.  “I didn’t want you to be all alone in the Lair Mansion.  Even Hallie is here.”  

    The Asian pointed out the A.I. in the pub.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I see.”  Anna looked at the nachos again.  “Should I--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, sit, please.”  Liu Xi urged her.

    The android looked at Vinnie to make sure he agreed.  He had his arm extended, offering her a seat across from himself and Liu Xi.  Then she slid into the booth quickly.  She was sick of the crowd milling around behind her and shoving her once in a while anyhow.

    She took stock of what the two were drinking.  Liu Xi seemed to have some sort of non-alcoholic tropical drink that smelled like coconut, pineapple, and raspberry.  Vinnie had had some kind of green tinted frozen lemonade with alcohol in it.  They were sharing the huge plate of nachos.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Want anything?”  Vinnie asked.  “I can flag down someone...”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No thanks, I think they’re a little busy.”  Anna pointed out.  She noticed the frantic servers running around the pub almost continuously.  “What are you drinking?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I dunno.”  Vinnie shrugged, and took another sip from the tall glass.

    Liu Xi laughed.  “Mine’s called something sunrise or sunset, I forget.  It’s tasty.  I’ve had it before.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why is Vinnie drinking alcohol and you aren’t?”  Anna asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m not legal for drinking.”  Liu Xi pointed out.  “Besides, I’m a really sad drunk.”

    That reply puzzled Anna for a moment.  “But if you’re not legal for drinking, how do you know that?”

    Liu Xi looked at Vinnie and giggled.  “I may have experimented at home.  Drinking made me awful to be around, I told Vinnie I didn’t deserve to be his friend and stuff, and I was crying.”

    This time it was Anna’s turn to laugh.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s your excuse?”  Vinnie asked Anna.  “I mean, besides you being only like 5 years old.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I just got here.”  Anna replied honestly.  “I can drink a little, I guess, but...alcohol is a powerful energy source.  If I drink too much, it’s like if you loaded up on caffeine and sugar.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That might be fun to see.”  Vinnie pointed out.  “The point is to get either drunk or wired, mingle with strangers--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re not mingling.”  Anna noticed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, well--”  Vinnie smiled at Liu Xi.  “I don’t have to mingle to get--”  He didn’t finish that sentence, because he saw Liu Xi’s expression change quickly.

    Liu Xi’s mouth hung open, and she punched Vinnie in the arm, hard.  “You won’t if you keep talking like that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You two are funny.”  Anna laughed.

    Vinnie reached across the table then, and asked Anna, “You want to dance?”

    Anna turned around and looked at the crowded bar.  “There’s...no dance floor, Vinnie.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just in the aisle, next to the booth,”  he clarified.  “You know how to dance, don’t you?”

    The android nodded, though she looked a little embarrassed.  She looked at Liu Xi for confirmation.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Go ahead, you don’t get many chances to dance.”  she offered.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay.”  Anna shrugged.  “Just for a minute.  And no wandering hands or anything.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That would actually decrease my chance of--”  He looked at Liu Xi, and swallowed those last two words quickly.  Then he stood, making a space in the milling crowd, and took Anna’s hand.

    Vinnie was used to Liu Xi’s height, and Anna was nearly the same size - but it was strange close up, considering the gap between what he expected, and what he experienced.  

    Her deep blue hair was silky, like real hair, not a plastic feeling like he expected.  Her body moved very smoothly, not like a robot - in fact, as he had his hands on her waist briefly, he could feel muscle moving beneath the skin.  And from what he could see around her head, neck, and arms, she was completely seamless, and her skin was soft like a human’s.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Were you designed...you know...complete?”  he whispered to her cryptically.

    Anna looked up, since Vinnie was taller.  She smiled at him, and nodded silently, knowing what he meant.  She had been asked that question many times by soldiers at SPUD, and at the Lair Mansion.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wow.”  he commented.  “You’re perfect, then.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I dunno,”  she shrugged.  “Sometimes I wonder if it makes my life more complicated.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re very popular with guys.”  he commented to her.  “You just need to be more social.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How come you’re dancing with me, then?”  Anna asked with a laugh.

    He smiled.  “Liu Xi said it would loosen you up and help you get used to interacting with a man.  Is it working?”

    She half-heartedly shrugged.  “A little.”

    Vinnie stopped dancing, and took a step back.  “Then my work here is done.  Time to stop hanging out and start mingling, Anna.  Look at all the guys who were watching you dance.”  He pointed into the bar.

    As he promised, there was a small, overcrowded table of college males drinking green beer and staring back at Anna as she looked at them.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But they want--”  Anna started to say.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It doesn’t matter what they want.”  Liu Xi chimed in.  “It matters what you want.  Have a little fun with them, flirt a little, but keep your distance.  It will be fun.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um...okay.”  Anna replied nervously.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t be afraid.”  Liu Xi added.  “If you get in trouble I’ll come over and get you out.”

    Anna nodded.  She started to walk slowly across the room toward the table full of males.  They were cheering to themselves, thinking she couldn’t hear.  She could see they were all wearing identical fraternity jackets.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hi, guys.”  Anna greeted them cheerfully.

    They greeted her in return loudly, holding their beers up.

    Finally, the supposed leader of that fraternity spoke up.  He said, “Hi.  What’s your name?”

    Anna replied, “I’m Anna.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Cool, cool,”  he said, rising from his seat and speaking just above the noise in the room.  He pointed toward Tandi and Hallie, who were chatting at the other end of the bar.  “Do you know those two?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, I do.”  The android nodded.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Send them over, would you, babe?  Thanks.”  He slapped Anna on the rear, and then returned to his seat to cheer on his frat-mates.

    Anna felt her heart sink, and her face warm from embarrassment.  She couldn’t decide whether to smash the table they were sitting at, splashing beer and glass all over them...or hop over the bar, pick up one of those nozzles, and hose them all down.

    Instead, however, she swallowed her anger, and nobody saw her bite her lip or push her way through the crowd back to Liu Xi and Vinnie’s booth.  She didn’t even look at the two of them as she crawled into the seat across from them and slid all the way to the wall, where she rested her head against the wood paneling.

    She felt Liu Xi reach across the table and squeeze her hand gently.  The Chinese girl said nothing, but at the same time, her small gesture said everything.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We should prank them or something--”  Vinnie started to say.  But after looking at Liu Xi he mumbled, “--or not.”

    Liu Xi climbed over Vinnie and walked to the bar, leaving the Acting Sorcerer Supreme staring at Anna with her head leaned against the wall, moping.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know, out of everyone crowded in here, I danced with you.”  Vinnie pointed out.  “I could have said no when Liu Xi suggested it, but I’m curious about you.”

    Anna raised her head and looked at him.  Her expression immediately changed from saddened to shocked, and then she smiled very slightly.

    Vinnie couldn’t believe he actually cheered her up.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Here you go.”  Liu Xi returned, and placed a drink exactly like hers in front of the android.  “It’s tasty, I think better than alcohol for drowning out your sadness.”

    Then Liu Xi noticed the android didn’t seem all that miserable anymore.  She looked at Vinnie.  “What did you say to her?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not much,”  he replied with a shrug.  “Just that I picked her to dance with.”

    Liu Xi immediately kissed him on the cheek.  “Every once in a while you do something so sweet.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And sometimes I pass it on,”  he noted.  Then he stood, leaned against the table, and kissed Anna on the cheek.

    Anna went from a smile to a giggle as Vinnie sat back down.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe the three of us should get out of here,”  he suggested.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, you two are having fun.”  Anna said quietly.  “Besides, it’s fun to watch people, at least, if I can’t be a part of it.  I don’t think I’ve seen Hallie drunk before.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ever wonder what happens at closing time?”  Liu Xi asked the other two.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I already know.”  Vinnie pointed out.

    Liu Xi shoved him slightly.  “On a big drinking day?”  she clarified.  “Maybe it would be fun to find out.”

    Vinnie nodded.  “Sounds like we’re going to need more nachos.”



-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

...Or perhaps he's found some liquid courage.

A fun addition!  I'm surprised the Frat boys didn't go for poor Anna... but then I doubt she's really missing out on some great conversation there.

I probably wouldn't have guessed that, actually.  I think as a general rule, my recollections of college bars was that the main thing the women needed to pick up a guy was a pulse.  I *think* Anna has something similar to a heartbeat, but I could be mistaken.

Actually, this being "the Parodyverse" and with me being a stereotypical male, I tend to imagine the characters as they would appear in either a Hollywood production or a comic book...  That is to say, unless they're specifically supposed to be ugly, they probably resemble the typically beautiful people that get to be stars.  They are, after all, in good shape physically.  Without a stated physical flaw, the characters are generally good looking in my mind.

That said, we then go to the kind of Hollywood separation between "average" looking and smoking hot.  The last time we did one of those casting lists years ago, I picked a pre-Dark Knight Maggie Gyllennhaal as Hallie, and I still think that's pretty good.  Now, a lot of disgruntled Batman fans are out there on the internet calling her "ugly" in some way.  There's obviously a separation from reality there somewhere...  I feel the same way whenever fans on the internet complain that Kirsten Dunst is somehow painful to look at.  Not everyone's cup of tea?  Sure.  But actually below average in looks?  I need to visit whatever town they're living in.  (Or maybe not, since I'd apparently be the ugliest one there.)

So really, in my mind the Parodyverse operates on that kind of warped scale where the kind of role they have determine their level of attractiveness.  Hallie is Hollywood's version of "girl-next-door" good looking.  Attractive, yes, but nobody accidentally walks into a telephone pole rubbernecking as she walks past.  Tandi is a television sitcom sex symbol: cute, sexy but approachable.  The Caphans are Victoria's Secret supermodels, or international sex symbols... intimidatingly sexy.

That said, as in a Hollywood production, the stars are always going to stand out more than the extras and bit players... so I kind of expect that Hallie, Tandi, Samantha, Kerry, Kara and so on are going to get noticed and get attention in a bar full of horny college guys.  It doesn't make them all super-models in my mind... it just means they're all young, athletic and in an environment where guys will hit on anything that moves.

I guess I haven't really "cast" Anna in my mind.  I get that she's somewhat shy and unassuming, and so more likely to be the wallflower in a scene like this.  If you were to pick a Hollywood type or actress to portray her, who would you go with?

Indeed, but luckily she struck out with them anyway.





I like the idea of her obviously fake hair color being something to throw off people's assumptions about her.  As far as being a military creation and not a sexbot, I think there's a great deal of unanswered questions about why she was built to look as she does at all...  Why female, slight, perfect but not overly sexy, etc.  I'd be curious to know how they planned her initial interaction with the Legion to go... how they were going to introduce her, how they planned to use her appearance to their advantage.

Did her creator have some inspiration for her look?  A daughter, cousin, neice, sister, etc.?  Was Anna designed to appeal to anyone specifically in order to gain access? 

I think there's a lot of story potential in the non-military aspects of her design.





I had to look up Ali Larter.  Is it wrong that I had no idea who she was until I saw that picture of her in whip cream and then said "Oh, that's who that is!"

About how old would you say Anna appears to be again?

Ah, I see... this gives me an impression of Anna as more of an "Astro Boy" type character.  I think I've been overly focused on the repeated reference of her being a SPUD project, but if I assume that SPUD found a modern day Geppetto and set her up with funding rather than actual heavy oversight, then I think I understand how they got the robot they did.

Previously, I was thinking there must have been some spy-mission related reason SPUD would order a wispy young girl design.  Now I see her creator wanting to build a wispy young girl, and saying "Fine, she can have lasers and super-strength if you like" while taking a big bag of cash from SPUD.

Which just goes to show that a surprising number of concepts are illustrated in my mind as if they were political cartoons. 





Um... doesn't everyone frequently check WhipCreamCelebrities.com? 

(I just made that up, so if it auto-links then click on it at your own risk.  Lord only knows if actual content lurks there.)

In truth, it was the 5th photo offered on "Google Images" when I put in her name:  A still from the high school football movie "Varsity Blues" where she tries to seduce the lead character by coming into the room wearing nothing but a whipped cream bikini (and a couple of strategically placed cherries.)  I even had the "safe search" set to "moderate". 

In fairness, it *was* a memorable scene from a completely forgettable sports movie.