Adventures in Parodyverse:  The House Always Wins, Part 1


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you ready for this?”  Yuki Shiro asked, as the rented van she drove came to a sudden stop at the end of the bridge to the Lair Mansion.

    She had four passengers in the van.  In the front seat next to her was Anna.  In the back, Lara Night and Hatman.  In the rearmost seat, with a laptop, Al B Harper.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m ready.”  Anna replied calmly.

    Yuki looked toward the back seat.  “You okay with me handling this?”

    Hatman knew she was talking to him.  He was used to leading, but even he knew it was about time he let Yuki take the initiative.  “It’s your plan, Yuki.  Go for it.”

    The reason he let her lead was because she came up with the plan quickly, and it utilized resources he never thought of.  Or more pointedly, one particular resource he would have avoided using.

    Lara Night slid open the rear door and stepped out.  Hatman followed her.  Anna walked around the van after having left the passenger side - the android was wearing a wraparound visor of Yuki’s and Al B Harper’s design.  It looked like sunglasses, but was metallic and entirely opaque from the outside.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, wow.”  Yuki commented as she put on a duplicate of the visor and plugged it into the port on her upper neck.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It is impressive.”  Anna turned to glance at Lara for a second.  “Stay behind us both, please.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I heard when Yuki said it on the way here.”  Lara noted.  “The Hooded Hood likely set up traps that target my weaknesses.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And mine.”  Hatman chimed in.

    Yuki recapped quickly.  “These visors let us see the energy signature Lara will be projecting bounce off everything nearby.  Walls, explosives, dimensional traps, everything.  We can see and avoid them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And map them.”  Anna added.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And that’s where you come in.”  Yuki told Hatman.  “You probably have a hat for every one of them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Except the dimensional ones, which I think I can either close or move somewhere safer.”  Lara pointed out.

    The Stunulators spun up and took aim at the group as they approached the front gate.  Anna was quickest, sending a digital instruction to them to shut down.

    Yuki entered the Mansion first, followed by Anna.  Close behind Anna was Lara, and then Hatman, who was not just following, but was protecting Lara, since she was essential to guiding the group around the traps.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where do you think he is?”  Yuki finally asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Library.”  Lara replied quickly.  “He was there last time, he’s there waiting for us now.  He feels no reason to hide from us.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s worth a try.”  Hatman noted.  “If he has a trap ready for us, we’re ready.”

    As he was speaking, he crashed into Yuki, Anna and Lara, who had just stopped.  He looked around, and realized that he wasn’t in a hallway in the Lair Mansion anymore.  He was in the Library.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening.”  the Hooded Hood greeted them with green glowing eyes.  He sat in a replacement throne that hadn’t been tossed into a mystical fire, his elbows resting on the arms, and his fingers steepled patiently.

    This time it was Hatman’s turn to step to the front.  He kept one hand close to his hat-tility belt.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Defensive as always.”  the Hooded Hood mocked Hatman.  He then looked past the Capped Crusader at Lara.

    It was the kind of look that pierced her very soul, that let her very core know that the Hooded Hood had a plan for her.  It was the worst feeling in the whole universe.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No need, however.”  he continued, his glowing green eyes still fixed on the blonde.  “I’ve had my fill of the Lair Mansion.  It’s time for me to move on to...better things.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then why are you still here?”  Yuki rudely asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Miss Night here has proven herself.”  the Hooded Hood went on, seeming to ignore Yuki’s question.  “Proven herself, that is, to be quite the threat to the Parodyverse.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What are you talking about?”  Hatman asked.  His hand was clearly on the pouch holding his caps now, ready to move at an instant’s notice.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She has managed to place herself on the Carnifax’ radar.  Tampered with things beyond her limited understanding.”  He looked directly at Lara again.  “Spoken with the Chronicler of Stories in order to gain his interest, placing herself in an undeservedly indispensable role for such a minor character.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve done no such thing.”  Lara protested quietly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You meant to do no such thing.”  the Hooded Hood corrected.  “However, intentions mean little.  It is done.  So in order to restore balance, I’m forced to impose upon you a new trial, Miss Night.  A handicap if you will.”

    His eyes glowed dangerously green.  Lara’s eyes shut, and she collapsed, unmoving on the carpeted floor.  Anna raced to check on her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What did you do?”  Hatman demanded angrily.

    The Hooded Hood rose from his throne, glaring at Hatman.  “I did what was necessary in order for the Parodyverse to continue.  I have taken memory of the Parodyverse from her.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You evil...”  Hatman growled, grinding his teeth angrily.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Am I not...the Hooded Hood?”  With that, the Hooded Hood, his throne, and all traces of him having been at the Lair Mansion vanished.

    Just at that moment, Lara awoke.  She looked at Hatman, Yuki, and Anna.  “What happened?”  she asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You fainted.”  Yuki explained quickly.  “The Hooded Hood looked at you, and you fainted.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ah.”  Lara nodded, as if she didn’t really understand, but was trying not to look stupid.  “Thanks, um...what was your name...?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, no.”  Hatman whispered.

    Anna chimed in, “We should get her to a hospital.  Maybe someone there can help her.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Yuki agreed.  “Good idea.”


---
    

    Phantomhawk Memorial Hospital was no stranger to the Lair Legion.  They were quite baffled when a quite normal looking young blonde woman was brought in, who seemed very healthy.  They also didn’t flinch when Hatman told them he brought her in because her memory was erased by the Hooded Hood.

    Without a question or a second thought, the doctor ran four hours worth of tests on Lara Night.  When she wasn’t using energy fields, she tested like a completely normal human being, aside from an unusual self-healing rate.  They didn’t even find any damage to her brain cells - it was as if the missing memories were never there.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“At least the Hooded Hood is thorough.”  Yuki commented sarcastically.  “And he cares about her health, I guess.”

    She, Hatman, and Anna were in the Emergency Room private waiting lounge.  It was a small, windowless room with a television and one door as an exit.  It was pretty sparse room, other than that, with just two chairs and a couch, all upholstered in vinyl.  There was a crude overhead fluorescent office light.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She can be released any time.”  the doctor told them.  “There’s nothing more we can do.  She’s not going to remember, since those memories are permanently gone.  Just try to treat her well, and hope she’s well adjusted enough to deal with it.”

    Yuki looked at Hatman as the doctor left.  “Well...at least she’s forgetting the bad stuff too.  I wish I could do that sometimes.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I agree.”  Anna added.  “We shouldn’t treat this like a funeral.  This can be a golden opportunity for Lara.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The girl’s right.”  Yuki commented.  “Besides, I suspect this is another Hooded Hood test.  He’s trying to see if we can gain Lara’s favor...again...or if we screw it up this time and force her to the dark side.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s possible.”  Hatman mumbled.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s staying at your place, though, Hatty.”  Yuki said, looking up at the clock.  It was almost midnight.  “We’ll help bring her there and get her acclimated, but after that it’s all up to you.”


---


    Liu Xi Xian thought this was enough of an emergency that she didn’t take the slow way to Jay’s apartment.  She didn’t even bother knocking on the door, either.  She just appeared inside his place in the entryway, as Yuki, Anna, and Jay chattered near the kitchen.

    The Chinese girl brought with her a large platter of finger foods that she made herself.  She knew her friend Lara would be unsure of herself, and the fastest way to break the ice and prove there was no evil intent was to bring food.

    Just as Liu Xi predicted, Lara Night was sitting in the lounger chair, looking at the elementalist wide-eyed, seemingly surprised by her sudden appearance.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hi.”  Liu Xi greeted her directly.  It was only after that Yuki noticed her presence.  Only Yuki had the sense to stay back and watch instead of trying to interfere.

    Lara looked up as the Chinese girl approached.  She took the tray, and gently put it on the table beside her, and then leaned forward.  “You...were friends with me, weren’t you?”  she asked.

    Liu Xi smiled and nodded happily.  “Yes.  We are.”  She purposely changed it to present tense.  “How could you tell?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can see the sadness in your eyes.”  Lara observed.  “It hurts you that I don’t remember.”

    The Asian hugged Lara gently, and was happy that her hug was accepted.  “I’m Liu Xi Xian.  Don’t worry about not remembering, I’m boring so you’ll be caught up soon.”

    For the first time since returning to Jay’s apartment, Lara laughed.  By then, the others gathered around, partly to taste the snacks.  “It felt weird, being brought here by strangers to a place I didn’t know...and then my stuff was here, in that room.”  she motioned toward her room.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why did you go with us?”  Anna asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Same reason I noticed with Liu Xi.”  Lara explained.  “The doctor brought you to my room, and you were all looking at me with those same sad eyes.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good instincts.”  Yuki said with a smile.  “By the way Jay, I know you hate it when I do things like this, but I asked Chiaki to stay close to Lara for a while and make sure nobody tries to take advantage of her forgetfulness.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Chiaki?”  Lara asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Psychic Samurai.”  Jay explained.  “She’s a Japanese Samurai, very talented, and she lives up to her name.  She’s also a good friend of mine...and um, yours.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Plus she will show you more in one day than any of us can in a month.”  Liu Xi pointed out.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s true.”  Jay agreed with an amused nod.  Chiaki had a way of knowing exactly what a person needed to see or do to learn quickly.

    Yuki sighed loudly.  “I should go.  I have a long bike ride back to Al B Harper’s place, plus I have to drop off Anna.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought you took back the Lair Mansion?”  Liu Xi asked.

    Lara watched the conversation with interest, but didn’t interrupt.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We did, but we still have a couple of financial matters to deal with before we’re comfortable moving back in.”  She looked at Jay and quickly added, “Except Jay, I think he’s going to keep two places from now on.”

    Jay laughed.  “I’ll be just like Chiaki.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think she has three places.”  Liu Xi pointed out.  “Yuki, I can send you and Anna home and save you the time.  You shouldn’t drive tired anyway.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That would be sweet.”  Yuki smiled.  “Can you send my bike too?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure.  We’ll go to it, and then I’ll go home after.”  Liu Xi hugged Lara again, and then Jay.  “Besides, Lara looks like she had enough of all these people.”

    Lara was wearing a worn, tired look until Liu Xi said that.  Then she smiled instead.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Bye Lara.”  Anna said as she followed Yuki and Liu Xi.  “I wish you luck.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thanks.”  Lara said.  She watched Anna leave and close the door behind her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s very friendly.”  Lara commented.  “The dark blue hair is kind of unusual.”

    Jay shrugged and smiled.  “She’s an android, and she likes the blue hair.  She really is very friendly though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can tell me all about her later.”  Lara interrupted him.  “I was just in the hospital, I’m tired, and I think I’ve absorbed all the knowledge I can tonight.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I understand.”  Jay replied.  He looked at the opposite end of the couch, where Lara was sitting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s wrong?”  she asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You used to sit closer before...you know.”  he said.  “I didn’t think I’d miss it, but I guess I do.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry, I guess I...don’t really feel like I know you.”  she explained.  “I like you enough, though--”

    Without speaking further, she slid across the couch so she was sitting very close to him instead.  “This is kind of nice,”  she commented, and then she leaned against him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How do you feel now?”  Jay asked.  “Besides tired, I mean.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Lonely.  A little scared.”  she whispered.  Then with a slight smile, “Pretty standard for me, really.”

    Jay laughed.  “You have a great attitude, Lara.  That’s what’s really going to get you through this.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And you will too.”  she added.  “You’ve been a great help so far.”

    
TO BE CONTINUED?
    

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2009 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Hopefully Chiaki has some flashcards to teach her about all of her former friends, or at least make her aware of Flapjack. That's only sporting.

Anna will probably warn her of Flapjack first.