Adventures in Parodyverse:  Falling On Hard Times, Part 4


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How the hell did Hatman get here so fast?”  one of the young thugs outside the Zero Street Mission suddenly said.

    Until he said that, the small group had been ignoring Reverend Mac Fleetwood, who was standing in the doorway of his Zero Street Mission threatening that he called the police.

    Then the Psychic Samurai emerged from the building as well, holding her sheathed sword.  Another of the youths cursed, and then two of them turned and ran away.

    Hatman grabbed one of them by the shirt just as they were starting to scatter out of terror.  “You tell your friends I live here now, and I’m not going to put up with assaults, thefts, noise, or terror.”

    The thug fell down and then scrambled away as soon as Hatman let go of him.

    Mac Fleetwood looked surprised at what he heard.  “You really live here now?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, Mac.”  The two of them briefly gave each other a quick pat on the back.  “I’ve been trying to keep your place safe, and never quite managed until now.  You have my friend here to thank for it.”  He smiled and looked directly at Chiaki.

    Chiaki responded by bowing politely, and Mac returned the gesture.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And you remember Lara, and Liu Xi.”  Jay introduced the other two women.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nice to see you again.”  Lara said.

    Liu Xi simply nodded.

    A motorcycle rumbled around the corner, and stopped in front of the Zero Street Mission.  Yuki Shiro and Anna were on board, Yuki driving it - and neither wore helmets.  Yuki was wearing a leather biker’s jacket and pants.  Anna had a leather jacket and boots, but was in jeans instead.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on?”  Yuki asked.  “I clotheslined a couple thugs around the corner, they should know better than to try to stop a moving bike.  Especially mine.”

    Lara snickered.  “Probably the same guys we just chased away from here.”

    Yuki briefly smirked, and then continued.  “Anyway, I’m just stopping for a sec to tell you I’m taking Anna to get legal...you know, driver’s license and documentation and such, so she can operate independently of the Lair Legion.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is that legal?”  Jay asked.

    Yuki smirked and shrugged.  “As long as nobody at the DMV stops me, yeah.”  she said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m sorry to cut this meeting short,”  Chiaki piped up, “But I came to this area both to check on Jay and because I substitute teach at St. Jude’s now.  Perhaps I’ll see some of you this afternoon.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re teaching at St. Jude’s?”  Jay asked.

    Chiaki nodded.  “Yes.  And I will soon be late.”  She walked across the street quickly, waving at them as she went.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good for her, she’s living a dream of hers.”  Liu Xi commented.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“While the rest of you guys are here,”  Jay attempted to suggest as he looked at Mac, “Would you mind helping Mac get set up for lunch at the Mission?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, sure.”  Yuki said.  “Can I put my bike in your garage?”

    Jay nodded.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ll help.”  Anna offered.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure, why not.”  Lara said with a shrug.

    Liu Xi smiled, and said, “I’m in.”

    Mac smiled.  “So much kindness, I hope someday I can repay you all.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well you already made Lara semi-famous with her ‘Don’t ignore the homeless’ commercials on TV.”  Yuki said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your what?”  Jay turned around and looked at a slightly embarrassed Lara.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I kind of agreed to film them if the commercial doesn’t mention my name.”  Lara sheepishly explained.  “I’m sorry, I guess I should have told you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, you don’t owe me anything.”  Jay told her.  “Not if you’re doing something to help the whole community.  I would have been very proud if you did tell me, though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thanks.”  she said.  “I didn’t want anyone making a big deal out of it, though.  That’s why I didn’t use my name, I didn’t want it to dilute the purpose.  It’s ‘Don’t ignore the homeless’, not ‘Pay attention to me.’”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s pretty cool, I know a TV star.”  Liu Xi commented.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let’s get moving.”  Mac said.  “I know it seems early, but we have a lot of work to do and lunch time is coming fast.”


---


    It wasn’t easy for a hunchback to carry a lunch tray, especially when it held a kettle of hot tea.  The fine china clinked dangerously as Flapjack, former caretaker for the Lair Legion, limped along the hallway from the kitchen to his new boss.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“China.”  he mused as he stopped to look at the empty tea cup.  He flipped it over, and was disappointed to see it was made in England.  That was a shame, since the idea of china reminded him of Liu Xi Xian.  She was always so kind, even when he was being particularly lecherous.

    But that was the past, and the Lair Legion wouldn’t have been able to afford to pay him anyhow.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good afternoon.”  his new boss, the Hooded Hood, greeted him as he delivered lunch.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not good evening?”  Flapjack asked.  “I like it better when you say good evening.”

    The Hooded Hood said nothing as he poured himself some tea.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And what about girls?  There aren’t any girls in the mansion anymore.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be gone.”  the Hooded Hood said, partly in warning.

    Flapjack left Lair Mansion Library, mumbling to himself about lack of courtesy as he went.

    There was a loud knock at the door.  Loud enough that Flapjack could hear it, even though he was nowhere near the front door.  He raced to answer it, hoping it was someone who would perhaps be more entertaining than the Hooded Hood, or at least try to kill him.  Either way, it would be less boring.

    He opened the door, and the rest of his day brightened.  It was Sir Mumphrey Wilton, and all that loud knocking was courtesy of his walking stick.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I must speak to that cloaked green-eyed blighter immediately!”  Mumph insisted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Right this way!”  Flapjack said.  He led Mumph toward the Library, steering clear of the usual traps along the way.  He thought it would me more entertaining to watch the confrontation.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Master!”  he called excitedly into the Library.  “You have a visitor!”

    Without waiting for the introduction to complete, Mumphrey charged into the Library, pointing his walking stick dangerously at the Hooded Hood.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Blighter!”  he growled.  “This is going to be your last Earl Grey and Crumpets!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What is a Crumpet, anyway?  And who is Earl Grey?”  Flapjack asked no one in particular.

    The Hooded Hood casually raised his palm, and Sir Mumphrey Wilton froze in place, unable to move.  He produced a piece of paper from inside his robe.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am the legal owner of this domicile now, Wilton.”  the Hooded Hood said.  “Contest it in court if you will, but if you continue trespassing you will regret it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You caused this somehow.”  Mumph accused.  “I’ve not yet deduced how--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I assure you, I’m not responsible for the economic conditions in Paradopolis.”  the Hood replied cooly.  “I simply grew tired of Herringcarp Asylum and seized an opportunity to kill two birds with the proverbial stone.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t get too comfy.”  Sir Mumphrey warned.  “I’ll be taking the Mansion back from you, and I’ll give you a sound thrashing while I’m at it.”

    The Hooded Hood ignored the threat.  “Very well.  Let’s make this interesting.”  

    He put down his cup of tea, and he gestured with a clenched fist, as his eyes glowed green.

    Hatman appeared, looking confused.  Lara Night appeared as well.

    It didn’t take long for Hatman to come to his senses, though.  He glared at the man who brought him there.  “What do you want?”  he asked the Hooded Hood.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is curious.”  Lara Night commented calmly.


TO BE CONTINUED?
    

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2009 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin