Parodyverse Team Up #5 “The Pinocchio Plot!”


The time: now. The place: the kitchen of Visionary’s extra-dimesnional lighthouse home. The situation: domestic disharmony.


“You will not believe what I found in your son’s Zune this morning!” Hallie informed the former leader of the Lair Legion upon her materialization in the cozy breakfast nook.


Visionary blanched at the myriad of inappropriate possibilities that filled his mind before he became conscious of the fact that, “Griffin has a Zune? When did he get a Zune?”


“When the 3.1 came out,” Hallie replied somewhat guiltily, “it was an early Christmas present.”


“A Zune. I’m still using a cell phone that has to be carried in a giant hip holster and yet my ten year old son has a Zune. What do I have to do to get a Zune?”


Hallie placed her hands on her hips and gave her friend a stern look, “Oh, knock it off Vizh. You’re just going on because you like to say ‘Zune’.”


It was a fun word, Visionary had to admit, and at this stage in his life he knew to take advantage of even the simplest pleasures when there was an opportunity, “What did you find… on Griffin’s Zune?”


The living hologram called up the file she had copied and willed it to play. A two-dimensional screen materialized, broadcasting the image of a man with a blonde pompadour and flamboyant red robes. The burly Beau Brummell spoke, or rather shouted:


“Well, let me tell you something Mean As In the Average Sense Jean, there’s nothing The Natural Boy hates more than these worthless Robo Americans. They’re clanking, clattering, carbon-unfriendly cans of cogs and cowardice. Toasters with a sense of entitlement. The Natural Boy has no use for them. Why back during the Parody War, while the Natural Boy and every other red-blooded Real American was standing up to that cosmic jabroni the Parody Master, these ‘Robo Americans’ were either playing Benedict Arnold or laying low in a refrigerator box somewhere hoping they wouldn’t be asked to do something useful for the cause, like donate themselves to a scrap metal drive. And now The Natural Boy hears these phonies want to trade in their punch cards for voting cards? Despicable. The only rights Robo Americans have is the right to rust! That is, if they’re lucky enough to stay out of the ring with the one, the only, The Natural Boy Danny Sparks! Yeah!”


“Natural Boy Danny Sparks, you’re going to be facing the currently undefeated Machine Machine at this month’s Robot Rumble. Do you have any personal message for him?” the interviewer asked.


“Him? Did you just call Machine Machine a him? That’s an insult to hims everywhere, Mean As In the Average Sense Jean. These Robo Americans are as genderless as a snow plow or pontoon bridge. Would you call a pontoon bridge a him, Mean Jean?”

“Well, I-“


“Of course not! That would be ridiculous! World’s gotta make sense, Mean Jean! Otherwise every day would be one long existential nightmare of epistemological relativism, where you take the octopus to work and enjoy blue with your potato salad. And that’s not the kind of world The Natural Boy Danny Sparks wants to live in. Yeah!”


“Natural Boy Danny Sparks, your message to Machine Machine?”


“It’s a message so simple even something only fluent in binary code will understand it. Come Robot Rumble, its over for Machine Machine. Its warrantee has run out. The factory is issuing a recall. The reason: unplanned obsolescence. Yeah!”


To Be Continued

That's what they get for buying Griffin a Zune instead of an iPod. At least the itunes content is screened.

I have to wonder why Griffin ended up with a video like that...

...and I'm sure Anna wouldn't be happy either if she knew about it. Of course she's excessively polite and probably thinks it's not her place to get angry about it.

But its not as fun to say as Zune.



Why indeed?



And what would your other characters think about it? This may or may not be relevant to future events.

Zune Zune Zune Zune Zune.



That might be central to the answer to the next question...



Anna is probably the one with the most interesting response, because she would associate it with fear and heartbreak. Way back when she was designed, and while she was being trained, she was essentially treated like another human working at the base. She lived and worked among the agents and troops there and wasn't really harassed beside the occasional comment under the breath, which she learned to ignore.

Then suddenly her creator was fired. She was cast out and told she's just a machine to be disassembled. That's pretty scary for someone who pretty much thought she was just like a human. And heartbreaking that the people she used to think were on her side followed orders blindly and turned on her.

Fast-forward to the present. Anna has just made friends with Griffin, and now he's caught with a video on his Zune degrading robots. Anna might be a little heartbroken, wondering just what kind of thoughts Griffin has about her. But it's not her place to confront Griffin so she would watch patiently and worry.

Being in college with plenty of spare time, Liu Xi has probably seen the video before and would shrug if she was told Griffin had a copy on his Zune. She thinks it's a stupid show but mildly amusing.

Chiaki has probably seen it too, but likes it less than Liu Xi does. Chiaki is the surprising one, because she's secretly into "classic" stuff. She might actually show Griffin old slapstick movies and TV shows, 80's WWF stuff, or even competitive Japanese game shows.

Lara would just say "don't worry about it". Kids watch all kinds of weird stuff, and being someone who never really grew up herself, she probably watches it still herself.

Amazingly enough, Yuki would probably stay out of it directly, but try to talk to Visionary about it.

Ten-to-one that Natural Boy Danny Sparks has a secret he's too afraid to share...

I'm all for some rumbling! Hopefully you'll find the drive to continue this story. I somehow doubt that the kids are big fans of the Natural Boy's seeming politics, but I can see how they might enjoy seeing him get the snot pounded out of him.

And Machine Machine? Something to be uncovered there, certainly. Looking forward to more!