Okay, I just typed a long and detailed piece about everyone's work, but then by my own stupidity I refreshed the page rather than posting it, so now Ive got to try again. Grr.

I love the work you guys are doing. i just want you to do more of it.

Stories I feel I am owed:

Shrike - Where is Epitome? I want more on Epitome and Kat and their new dawrf-built house and her dad, on Idioms secret coming out, on the Omni-Competent and the big "everything changes" thing. Id also like more on Kambyon and Alcheman (not neccessarily in the same story, altho that would be cool too )

Vizh - what happened to that Christmas star?? Also, I want the Hallie/Vizh date at last. And it better be very romantic. And then get Joan Henry out of jail, poor thing. And then maybe a trip to paris to visit your sister?? With Hallie. Paris is v. romantic.

IW - Caphans in Untold Tales. You cant leave me hanging like this. And maybe some more on Tom Black. Mm. Please keep on putting this stuff out, its the heartbeart of the board.

Jason - I love Chiaki and Yuki and co, but they're all in the same situation right now - squatting at the Lair Mansion interacting with the LL. I want them all in their own stories, with their own supporting cast, in their own situations. They're not the League of Subsititue Legionnaires, theyre great characters in their own rights. Oh, and I want Liu Xi to meet up with that exorcist guy again. they were fun

Hatty - On a roll wirgh Doorman, but I want to see Hatman pound him sometime soon. Mostly tho I want to know about Hatty & Zdenka. Im a sucker for the love stories, even the ones that end with broken hearts (100% of them in my own experience ;-( ) And if Zdenkas not gonna be with jay any more, I think that Carnifex is pretty sexy. I picture him as Sawyer off Lost. Mmmmm.

L! - More on Kat, and maybe something with the Librarian and that Search Engineer guy. And did you ever finish that Kwanzaa story, or did I miss it? Oh, and I miss STL.

CSFB - We need, need, NEED more on this CSFB! murderer thing from the Moderator stuff. Dancer really doesnt approve of murdering, even if it gets retconned later. Could also do with more on PAPG! and Izzy.

Jack - you have this amazing gift of coming at stuff from a different angle. I hope you keep on posting stories. I hope you get more involved all together. I was sorry that Icy never joined the LL. I thought that would have been interesting. Think about it, guys.

Rhiannon - You owe me endings about girls who saw fairies, pincushion pirates, and possible mermaids, please.

Shoggoth - Your stories always make me think (but I like them even so!). Whatever happened to those adventurers who found the ancient tomb? Wasnt there supposed to be more of that??

Champagne - Im always envious of how clever your stories are. Im more of a one-liner girl. I wish you were able to do more anxd reply more. Champagne is my #1 choice for new member of the Lair Legion. Make it happen,folks.

JJJ - Always from a fun persepctive, wehter its Jerkson or the Baroness. im interested in more Silicone Sally now shes had a tatse of heroism too. I loved that Sir Humphrey story you did a while back, your best thing ever. Waiting for more, especially on how Bath gets out of prison, and why she wanted to be in there anyhow.

Finny - was that you being Dainty Satan? Great work even with the rationing of paragraph breaks. We miss you round here as both a storyteller and a buddy. Come back, little dragon!!!! You too DK. D-lurk.

Al B. where are you? We need you!

Scott, as above. The place isnt the same without you. You need a new character, stat. I liked IW's idea of you adopting the Yurt!!

Yo, Lisa, Gav, Bry, Josh, Jamie, thuddy, SC, Derek, Jarvis and any of you other old-timers lurking out there, come home. We need you and we miss you!!!

Sorry if I forgot anyone. Im retyping this very fast.

Lurkers who have never posted - now is the time to appear! I lurked for months before daring to post, but Im glad I plucked up the courage. Please say hi.

Everyone should reply to this to say hi, in fact. Please. A girl likes the attention, you know

Sarah.

I don't know when you'll see that pounding; I'm having way too much fun following Doorman around seeing how he plans to destroy Hatty. As to Hatty and Zdenka (spoilers blacked out)

What happened between Hatman and Zdenka to cause her to go back to Candia will be revealed in the Doorman series.

~Hat~

[The Scene: The LL phone rings. Vizh is distracted by a cruller moment and picks it up]

Vizh: Hello? Lair Mansion, as sponsored by Bautista Enterprises, for all your incendiary kitchen appliance needs.

Dancer: Vizh. Hi! It’s me. Dancer. Your little adopted sister. The non-explosive one.

Vizh: Hey, how are you doing? How’s Paris? How’s the show?

Dancer: All men are pigs, but we won’t go into that just now. I’m ringing for updates. Lots of updates.

Vizh: Updates? What do you mean?

Dancer: Vizh! Did you forget that Dominic vanished? People are looking for Dominic, right?

Vizh: Epitome? Um, yeah, I’m feeding Glory.

Dancer: Right. And the LL are poking Al B. with sticks until he figures out what happened, right?

Vizh: I think they do that anyhow.

Dancer: Good. And has anybody swatted CSFB! round the ear yet?

Vizh: I’m pretty sure they have. Was there any particular reason?

Dancer: Hey, I got the Hallie memo about the Moderator crossover. Sounds like I did well to sit that one out. It was long enough already without a scene in the Bean and Donut where the Moderator comes for coffee with hilarious consequences.

Vizh: I could have stood to hear about it.

Dancer: Instead I hear that Dream has gone all Rambo and started shooting down minions. I know he’d had a bad experience, but he’s got to know that minion-shooting is not right.

Vizh: That was in another reality which never happened. I know all about them. Living in the Lighthouse I have to check my drivers license every morning when I get up. Right after I check my pants for detonation devices.

Dancer: Nothing’s exploding in your trousers, Vizh. I also got the Hallie memo about that. Get a piece of paper right now and take a list.

Vizh: A list? What kind of list.

Dancer: A list of stuff to do, silly, before I ask you to pass the phone over to Kerry and revoke my no-permanent-damage clause of letting her stay with you.

Vizh: You’re saying that Kerry’s been doing the restrained version of staying with me?

Dancer: Write. Item one - find Epitome. Make sure somebody’s looking after Kat. Somebody who isn’t Flapjack.

Vizh: Check. I think Flapjack’s busy right now because Chiaki’s hiding in the Lair Mansion. It’s a whole new set of uncharted lingerie to fondle.

Dancer: Jumping ahead to item five then, find new places for all our houseguests where they can be themselves. A girl needs her own space space to walk around naked without having to worry about webcams.

Vizh: They do? Walk around naked at home? I mean not just Caphans and people on Cinemax?

Dancer: Focus, Vizh. And by space I mean places of their own, not extradimensional pockets of the Lair Mansion. They need to be able to find supporting casts and wickedy villains and things all of their own. Its what growing up is all about.

Vizh: Can you babble more slowly, only I’m still writing down the bit about walking around naked. My pencil point broke.

Dancer: back to Item two then - Swack CSFB! and remind him that killing is bad. Ask him what pre-Quesada Cap or would do. Tell him to find one of the guys he killed in that reality in this reality instead and see if it still seems like a good idea to have murdered him. If necessary confiscate his action figure collection till he sees sense.

Vizh: You don’t think it would be better if I sent a LairJet for you? Or there’s these new dimensional portals Al’s been playing with. Less than half the stuff that goes through them now explodes to pulp.

Dancer: Item three – make sure none of those nasties from the Moderator saga got away. I mean if Search Engineer or Doorman or anyone had escaped to this reality it would be really, really bad. Either find them or take me off Yuki’s things-to-worry-about mailing list.

Vizh: Less spam. Gotcha. Anything else?

Dancer: Item four – date Hallie. Its months since you slipped her some tongue at the finale of the Parody War and we haven’t even seen the artwork for it yet. Take her somewhere romantic, tell her how you feel, and progress the plotline for goodness sake!

Vizh: Well, I’ve been kind of busy. There was the Caphan trip (which might yet be to come depending on how things work out continuity-wise, but even then there’s the packing) and the Moderator thing and I still haven’t finished my paperwork on that Great North Star caper back at Christmas.

Dancer: Okay. Item five – no, we’ve already done that, this had better be 5a - kick yourself on the seat of your pants for being slow at getting to the good stuff.

Vizh: Um, I don’t think I actually can…

Dancer: It’s easy if I break your kneecaps. Finish the Great North Star and date Hallie. Fast. If nothing else she’ll get her mind off that trouble with poor Joan Henry. And as Lisa says, if the date goes nowhere then at least Hallie’ll have something to laugh about.

Vizh: Er, wait? What was that about what Lisa said?

Dancer: Nothing. Hardly any money has changed hands. Nobody’s accepting those kind of odds from the Destroyer of Tales.

Vizh: Can I hide now? Only I’ve had less scary phone calls about having to go fight the Hellraisers.

Dancer: Item six…

Vizh: I’ve had less scary phone calls from your mom.

Dancer: Item. Six. Find out what happened to that snowman the kids were playing with. The one we talked about joining the LL. Did he melt or head off to join the New Abandoned Legion or what? If you can’t find him then check Samantha’s files. If she doesn’t know then sign up Champagne onto the team and get her to look into it.

Vizh: Um, are you sure you don’t want to be leader of the Lair Legion? Only I’ve had less orders than this from Hatty since he took over months ago.

Dancer: Which brings me to item seven. I want you to have a man-to-man chat with Jay. As man-to-man as you can manage, since you seem to be incapable of asking poor Hallie out on one simple spectacular romance-of-a-lifetime date.

Vizh: I have to do what now? What am I man-to-manning about with Hatty? There’s already enough of April’s internet fiction about CSFB! and Jay.

Dancer: You need to find out about his true feelings.

Vizh: I really don’t. We’re just good friends. It’s not like I’m Lara or Liu Xi or Chiaki or that part-time cat girl we haven’t seen for a while.

Dancer: You need to find out about his true feelings for Zdenka. Why did she go back to Candia? What’s going to happen next? We need to know.

Vizh: Why do we need to know? Why can’t we just leave them alone and stay with our crullers?

Dancer: We need to know so I can tell you how I want you to interfere next, Visionary. Stay with the programme. It’s not easy running people’s lives for them without probability powers from a continent away. It takes effort.

Vizh: My effort, apparently.

Dancer: That’s what brothers are for. That and blocking the wind when its stormy. And maybe for reaching high shelves.

Vizh: Is that the lot? Only, er, I think there’s a Lair Emergency about to happen. I’m pretty sure the alarm sirens will be going off any minute now. Please.

Dancer: Tell the Librarian to check up on that Catherine Gillespie. Tell the Shoggoth to find out more about those people in the Tomb of the bloke whose name begins with T, I think. Tell Lisa to drop in and say hi. Make sure you’re keeping an eye on what that Zemo woman is up to. I don’t trust her staying in prison like that. She’s up to something. And finish that report on what happened with Yo and Roni Y Avis in the Happy Place, dammit!

Vizh: …..

Dancer: It’s lovely to talk with you, Vizh. I’ll call again next week with an new list. Bye!

Vizh: Take care, Sarah. Um, what was number 5a again?

To Be Continued… By All you Guys!!!!! J

There's certainly a plethora of material to plait together. It's almost as if Shrike was working towards some kind of plan.


That Vizh is such a slacker. Isn't it about time you and he did another co-written series?


We probably need CPR.


Some valid points, but Liu Xi has got some Xander associations and Chiaki was hired to protect the orphanage.


Noted.


We certainly need an update on STL and his team.


We've never really had a PAPG! story that puts her whole life into context, including her nightmarish upbringing, her time at Hestia House, her music industry experiences, he villainess career, and then her change of heart.


I'm for it, but I think Jack would need to be keen.


Indeed. It's very important to learn to write endings.


That'd be the Tomb of Thevros the Undying. Chris once mentioned a possible novel.


Again, this would require poster consent.


Those are the next logical narrative directions. JJJ and I have corresponded.


Agreed.


We need some kind of penalty system.


I agree with IW's idea; but then I would.


Proceed.


I think Xander will be mortally insulted.


Agreed. Come forth.


This much is obvious.

Thanks for the insightful comments, Sarah. Since you've cut the legs out of any comments about it being about time you offered the board a story I'll just note that by my calculation your story postings are running around 32 weeks behind.

I'm not sure when my next story will be as I seem to be somewhat lacking in inspiration at the moment. I'll try to write something as soon as my cold's gone away.

Who's to say they didn't already have that date, and just didn't tell anyone about it? Wouldn't that be easier for all involved? After all, any real date story would be a letdown after all this time, right?

Hopefully, we'll get the Christmas Star thing done soon, and then we can work on setting up Vizh's cast for the future.

Good to see you again, by the way. Don't fall into the ocean.

This was very hilarious and pointed, and reminded me that we need to see more of Sarah's adventures in Paris as soon as possible. And maybe we need to read more about crullers, because this chance veered away after the phone rang.

Still, I'm glad you called, as I had a hell week at work and really needed something lighthearted to start the weekend off right! Now, what was the middle part of the list again?

Well, it's Catherine, she was only called Kat in the Moderatorverse as a way to tell the two a part. But I don't have more Catherine on the way. There is the 2nd part of the "Catherine Meets The Man with Glass Breasts" story, I'm currently trying to write it but It's not really coming out as I'd like it. There a few other things that I have some ideas involving her but nothing at the moment that might merit a whole story.

As for a Lee Bookman/Search Engineer story: I don't know. I've had some passing thoughts but nothing that I could stretch into a story. But I might do something.

As for Chrismahannaqwanza: no, I never finished it. This is the second time I've started to write a Chrismahannaqwanza story but never finished it. Why I never finished this one was that I got sidetracked but other stuff (Life mostly) & since that story was a seasonal one never went back to finish it. I had the ideas for it & was almost done with it anyways. So, I might return to it again once the Winter months roll around again.

On the STL front: I miss him, too. But I haven't had any ideas for Him & cast of characters. Well, no. Not exactly: I had an idea for Ruben Holcomb & one of Ben at his job but that was about it. There was no ideas for an full on stories with the entire cast. I sort of feel like I ran the series into the ground plus I don't I planned it out all that well so it lead to so bad plotting. I may one day return to the series.

---------------

A Parrodipolis Apartment.
11: 45 a.m.

Catherine is in bed, which isn't odd since she does work during the night shift which makes the Am her Pm. So the sound of her phone ringing this early in the day better mean someone has died, she's being audited by the IRS, the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us or it's half off Waffles day down at Der Waffle Haus. Catherine's arm reaches out from under the covers to stop that infernal ringing. She finds it brings the phone under covers & says. "Hello?"

"Greetings. I am M.P.L. A.I. Construct Zero Zero Zero Zero Eight. One of my main programmed functions are communications between the Library & Planet Alpha Zero Zero Five Two Four Dickens Seuss Adams, otherwise known as Earth. Is this the human known as Catherine Rosario Gillespie?" The way to chipper voice said in a sing song manner.

"What?"

"Greetings. I am M.P.L. A.I. Construct..." the voice started to repeat.

"Stop for a moment." Catherine says as she sits up.

"Communication paused." The voice said.

"Who are you?"

"Communication resumed. I am M.P.L. A.I. Construct Zero Zero Zero Zero Eight."

"What's an MPL?"

"M.P.L.: Acronym for the designation of the building known as The Moon Public Library."

"Why are you calling me now?"

"According to our records, you reside in the time zone that designates it is now 11:50 a.m. Given most social normals of Planet Alpha Zero Zero Five Two Four Dickens Seuss Adams, other wise known as Earth: Business can been done as early as 7 a.m. and as late as 9 p.m. This communication is with in those perimeters."

"But what about those people who work during the Night?"

"Affirmative. This practice does happen but a very small number of the Human population fall into this category. Are you one of them?"

"Yes."

"Records updated. Would you still be able to receive communication from Head Librarian Lenard H. Bookman or shall we try you later in the day?"

There was a few moments of silence, the voice started to repeat the message but Catherine cut them off. "Bookman. As in Lee Bookman, Member of the Lair Legion?"

"Head Librarian Lenard H. Bookman does respond to that name. Head Librarian Lenard H. Bookman does maintain contact with the Planet Alpha Zero Zero Five Two Four Dickens Seuss Adams, other wise known as Earth, based group known as The Lair Legion."

"Why does he want to talk to me?"

"Answer unknown. Will you receive communication from Head Librarian Lenard H. Bookman?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Response not understood. Will you receive communication from Head Librarian Lenard H. Bookman?"

"Sure."

"Response not understood..."

Catherine interrupted it. "Yes. Yes. I will take the call from Lee Bookman."

"Affirmative. Will you accept the charges?"

"Are they reversible?"

"Affirmative."

"If you do that I'll take the call."

"Affirmative. Transmission will follow shortly."

There was a few moments of silence then Catherine could hear someone on the other end. "Hello?"

"Is This Catherine Gillespie?" said a man's voice.

"Yes."

"Hello. This is..."

"Yeah. Yeah. Lee Bookman, your operator told me that."

"Yes. Well, I've been asked to check in on you."

"Why?"

"I'm not exactly sure but I've told by Visionary that he was told by Dancer to have me check up on you."

"Ok. That still doesn't answer the Why question."

"Yes, I know. This fact has puzzled me, too. In my memory & in the searching I did I couldn't find anything connecting you to her or her to you other then your both Female & are frequently in the same city. But, I've found it's best to do as she says or bad things may happen. I've seen how Dancer's sister is to Visionary."

"What?"

"Sorry. Rambling. It's just I've got a lot on my metaphorical plate at the moment. Along with this call, I'm doing about four other things plus I'm never truly liked the phone: they can seem impersonal, I'd rather have a face to face talk with the person I am conversing with. Now I would have normally had you come up to the MPL but our transporters are on the fritz. They seem to have problem competing the transport without turning whatever it's transporting into goo & not the good kind. "

In the background on Bookman's end, the sounds of A.L.F.RED fighting off a massive Goo creature could heard. But Catherine didn't know that it was just background noise to her.

"Now I could have met you but there are things up here that I've been putting off that need to be done. I could have sent A.L.F.RED for you but he's not really a people person. Plus, If I had him doing that he probably would thought you were some threat to the IOL & tied up. He may have tortured you, too."

"What?"

"Sorry. Rambling again."

"So, going back why you called: a fellow Super Hero wanted you to check up on me?"

"Yes. I think it's because we've meet before."

"Yeah, when your robot clone kidnapped me & my friends."

"Yes. Sorry about that. It's a glitch that happens."

"And you still use them?"

"Yes. That faulty routine is there but it doesn't get used all that often. I've been meaning to delete it from their programing but I just haven't gotten around to it."

"So, why do you think she wanted me checked up upon?"

"Not sure. The next time I see her & if it comes up: I'll ask her."

"ok. If you find out: tell me."

"All right."

"So, anything else that needs to be said? Because I'd like to go back to sleep."

"Well, I have stuff that needs to be done, too."

"Ok."

"Yes. Well, have a nice day."

"You, too."

"Thanks."

They both hung up. Catherine went to back to sleep & Lee went off to help A.L.F.RED fight off the Goo: it was trying to eat the a portion of the east wing & that's just not done.

---------------

THE END.

The Dainty Satan will gladly tell you, should you wish to retire to his post-life boudoir...!

At any rate:

The Dainty Satan Diaries #1--completed, blast it!

The Dainty Satan Diaries #2--also completed, blast it!

Immaterialism--see above!

The Dainty Satan Diaries #2.5 and #3--slightly delayed while my human host, obstinate midget that he is, works on so-called "other projects". Bah! Free me from this hair-addled prison, my true-hearted allies! I must escape!