The Baroness, Part 54
The Moderator Saga, #46

Extremism in the Defense of My Liberty is No Vice; Moderation in the Pursuit of My Freedom is No Virtue (with apologies to Sen. Barry Goldwater)

Baroness Elizabeth Zemo returned to consciousness on a fine Arachknight City spring afternoon. With some satisfaction, she noted that the Al B., Muffy and Venom consciousnesses were still dormant. With less satisfaction, she noted that her mind wasn’t with them in the bruised, battered body splayed out on the Macarthur Park meadow. Instead, she seemed to be inhabiting a hat.

“Ooof, get out of here!” the Sorting Hat exclaimed. “There isn’t room enough for me in here, let alone you.”

“So it’s come to this,” groused the Baroness. “First Empress of Earth, then mad avenger for the Moderator, and now I have to struggle with a wildly successful novel’s plot device for possession of Visionary’s hat.”

“It’s not his hat,” the Sorting Hat complained, “He’s just there to give me a ride. It’s not as if he knows anything worth mentioning.”

“Except that he always seems to come out on top, somehow,” the Baroness mused. “Well, so much for introspection. How do I get you out of this hat?”

“Wait, wait,” the Sorting Hat begged. “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life sitting on people’s heads? Or Visionary’s?”

There was a pause while the two awaited the inevitable “I’m real, dammit!” It didn’t come.

“And you think that floating around as some sort of a ghost is preferable?” Beth Zemo eventually sneered.

“But think of all the alternatives! . . . .”

“Such as?”

“I’m trying to think,” a very anxious Sorting Hat replied, “but it’s hard when I’ve got a very imperious, megalomanical harpy figuratively breathing down my neck.”

“I’ll do more than figurative in a moment,” the Baroness snarled. “How about self-induced delamination for starters?”

“You know, I think you need someone who knows more about disembodied mentalities than I do.

”You think?” Beth Zemo would have spat, if she could. “Who could that be?”

“You never think of calling on your family until it’s too late,” a cultured, yet chilling voice responded in Prussian tones.

“Oh sh-t. Not him.”

“So disrespectful, Granddaughter. Now, if you would be so good as to forego this preposterous co-habitation with mere scientists and your pet symbiote, we can concentrate on our master stroke against the Moderator.”

“What’s in it for me, dear Grandfather Baron Otto?”

“I’m afraid just a return to your carnal body in a restored Parodyverse. The Necromancer General, Vrykaukolas, Dream Demon and Mefrotho have already laid claim to the goodies.”

“Not good enough.” The hat bounced upward from the ground and turned its back in the direction of the Baron.

“What other options do you have? Try to take over that body over there again, with each of the other minds at white heat? Stay in the hat? Possess Visionary?”

The hat shuddered as both its owner and the Baroness contemplated co-existence with the possibly fake man. “Fine. So what do you expect me to do?”

“Nothing difficult. Basically a seduction.”

“When I’m a hat?”

“Not quite. With our assistance, we can provide you with an etherial image – less about 40 virtual pounds from your real one, I suppose. Then, you merge and take over the Moderator’s mind. You’ve had lots of practice with that.”

“What’s to keep me from retconning – pardon, deleting – you and all the rest of the spooky group once I do that?” Beth Zemo knew they weren’t that dumb.

“A magical geas, of course.”

“That’s a bit extreme, binding myself to the likes of Vrykaukolas for eternity.”

“That’s your incentive to destroy the Moderator. Make him jump down a volcano or something. You come back with the rest of the Parodyverse.”

And if I don’t – well who knows what might turn up. Maybe it’ll be time for the Moderator to become a lot less moderate.

Playing the part of Baroness Elizabeth Zemo

J. JONAH JERKSON
Voice of the People

She just moves in and makes herself at home, doesn't she? Good to see her up to her tricks again, old or new!