"The Princess and the Great North Star Part Twelve"





Dancer and Cinderbelle found themselves in another dream, crouched behind several large crates, "I wonder whose head we're in this time?" Sarah Shepherdson queried.



"Someone with a fondness for heavy ordnance," her elven companion, taking note of the TOW Missiles stamped on the boxes, opined.



The two women poked their heads up in search for more clues. They saw that they were in a warehouse decorated for the holidays, but with a most macabre touch.



"Razor sharp candy canes and icicles, boughs of poison sumac, Styrofoam snowmen looking like pin cushions with all the knives sticking out of them, blinking bulbs of black and red bathing everything in a Mephistophelean glow," Cinderbelle shuddered, "Someone is being very naughty."



"I agree," the Heroine of Happenstance looked at the nine mounted reindeer heads hung above, eyes wide, tongues lolling, as if they were sent to the taxidermist in mid bleat, "Let's hope Zebulon didn't come through here. I doubt he would have made it out alive."



Voices from another part of the chamber caught the pair's attention. Stealthily, they made their way past the grove of brown and rust colored Christmas trees to a unique gathering. It was led by a tall man with a sallow green complexion and hair as greasy and black as a rotten banana. He smiled a crooked smile and engaged the throng.



"HOO HOO HOO! What a gathering! What a ga-ther-ing! All these bad little girls and boys here to make my holiday wishes come true!"



"You got it, Mister F!" a lithe woman in a harlequin mask and antlers chimed in, bouncing up to the raised dais where the speaker stood.



"Yeeesssss, thank you, Max," the man said dismissively.



"Uh, its Mary."



"What-evvvvver," and with a PUNT!, Mary Prankster found herself cast into a model snow bank made from spray-painted attic insulation.



"Excuse me, Mister, uh, Fruitcake, sir," one of the men wearing a matching brown sweatshirt and watch cap raised an arm, "What's da job exactly?"





Fruitcake, the Jaundiced Jester, broke into even a wider grin, "We're going to assassinate every department store and Salvation Army Santa Claus in the twin cities! HEH HEH HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHHHHH!!! Just imagine the looks on all those children's faces when they see that jolly old elf blowwwwwwed up real good right before their very eyes!"



"Just imagine the therapy those brats will need!! All those thousands and thousands of billable hours!" Mary poked out of the drift and greedily wrung her hands, "Ka-CHING!"



"What-evvvvver!" Fruitcake hefted a heavy sack and dropped it off the stage and onto Mary's head, "Pass out the maps and the timetables to the gents, Max."



"This is not good," Dancer said to her travelling companion as the villain in the modified straitjacket handed out the assignments for Fruitcake's gang.



"Just remember, this is only a dream," Cinderbelle whispered back, "the only people who can get hurt here are us."



Shep nodded, "Even so, somebody should do something."



And then, as if on cue, scraping could be heard from above.



"What is that on the rooftop? Reindeer paws?!" the Clown Prince of Curmudgeoness demanded as he withdrew a pistol from his great coat.



It was in fact not, but rather a man dressed in nickelous chain mail from his soles to his top, prying open the skylight so in he could drop. He carried a shield ringed with white stars, and a countenance as ferocious as the Roman god Mars.



"Fruitcake," the man shouted to the thug with the leer, "Your spree is over, for the SILVER AEGIS is here!"



To Be Concluded, with no rhyming, a lot of fighting, and a shocking revelation! Out soon.

I like the fact that I can't tell yet whose dream this actually is.
Fruitcake was definitely written with Mark Hamill's voice in mind.
And the rhyming at the end was a nice touch.

I'm sure you can pretty much guess...




And with a little Boris Karloff, maybe?




I thought it might come across as bit too on the nose, since it is a Christmas parody, but I'm glad you liked it.

But it ended far too soon and needs to continue.

Mary Prankster was a clever touch.


Do you have a list of these or do they just come to you at the time of writing?

Al B.

I do hope the hero and villain duke it out amongst some giant props in the continuation of this.

Fun (and timely?) episode, with a creepy theme villain and a shining surprise of a hero to do battle with him. Like Kirk, I wonder exactly whose dream the heroines have wandered into, and how they ended up there. Not that rules can't be flexible, of course... if indeed there are any rules to begin with.

Of course, this chapter begs for a casting call, doesn't it?

I'll try to get the next part up by Wednesday.



Thanks



Hh. I've actually used that one a couple times before, but it would help to have a master list at this point.

I'll see what I can do.



Maybe its just because I'm writing it, by I thought it was fairly obvious who's dreaming here.



So glad you asked!

Dancer: I always thought a young Jane Seymour could play Sarah Shepherdson. She comes from the right part of the world, is a trained hoofer, and is, as they say, easy on the eyes.



Cinderbelle: As usual, I'm a little late joining the party, but I have started enjoying the American version of the workplace sitcom "The Office." And one of the funnier characters is the brittle Angela Martin, played by Angela Kinsey. She's got to be under five feet tall, so we wouldn't ven have to do those funky "Lord of the Rings" Hobbitizing FX to shrink her down to fairy size.




Fruitcake: If they had asked me to cast the Joker for "The Dark Knight", I would have suggested Will Arnett. He's the right height and build, plus I always thought GOB was always just one bad day away from going on a murder spree.



Mary Prankster: And, for a change of pace, how about Arnett's real life wife Amy Poehler to play everyone's favorite co-dependent clown?

So, who would you cast as Silver Aegis?

As for Dancer, I sometimes imagine Nigella Lawson when reading the character - not sure why - possibly her coquettish smile.

Don't know if she can act but I'm sure she makes a decent cup if java.





Al B.

Interesting. I'm afraid I don't know much about her (more of a Rachel Ray fan).

I'd probably go for Gina Bellman, from Blackeyes, Coupling, and Jekyll.

Dye her hair blond and you could have a good Mary Prankster. She has an amazing ability to make her facial expression appear just this side of crazy...

Al B. - who would never suggest Dancer is neurotic.