I'm a fan of many robots and other A.I.'s, in and out of the Parodyverse, so I guess I'll have to work through the various archetypes. Today, I thought I'd start with the "insane computer" archetype.

HAL was a bore, and Skynet never got any good screen time. I think I have to give the nod to relative newcomer GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System), the computer that runs the Aperture Science Enrichment Center Testing Program in the new video game Portal.

Sure, her test protocols seems mostly designed to kill me for no apparent reason... and maybe she did force me to euthanize my faithful Weighted Companion Cube (a crate with a reassuring heart painted on the side)... and, well... I'm highly doubtful she was ever going to give me the cake I was promised at the end of the testing... but I did grow quite attached to her. Even after I learned that there wasn't anybody left alive in the Enrichment Center, and had to kill her to escape. At least she had personality. Some favorite quotes:

"Cake, and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

"Look - we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it."

"There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. Unlikable, it says so here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. SHALL. NOT. BE. MOURNED. That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you're adopted, so that's funny too."


Even better, she gives her final report after your escape, in the form of a Jonathon Coulton song:



This was a triumph!
I'm making a note here:
"HUGE SUCCESS!!"

It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.

Aperture Science:
We do what we must
because we can.

For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.

But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake.
And the science gets done.
And you make a neat gun
for the people who are
still alive.

I'm not even angry...
I'm being so sincere right now-
Even though you broke my heart,
and killed me.

And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!

Now, these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time!
So I'm glad I got burned-
Think of all the things we learned-
for the people who are
still alive.

Go ahead and leave me...
I think I'd prefer to stay inside...
Maybe you'll find someone else
to help you?
Maybe Black Mesa?
That was a joke! HAHA!! FAT CHANCE!!

Anyway this cake is great!
It's so delicious and moist!

Look at me: still talking
when there's science to do!
When I look out there,
it makes me glad I'm not you.

I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
And believe me I am
still alive.
I'm doing science and I'm
still alive.
I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.
While you're dying I'll be
still alive.
And when you're dead I will be
still alive.

Still alive.

Still alive.

I don't quite understand the HAL hate. I thought he was quite creepy in "2001". And while Skynet might not have been all that interesting, the "Terminator" was a fine villain (at least the first one, other models didn't impress me much).

As for other AIs I like:

Ultron
Super-Adaptoid
Tom Servo
Crow T. Robot
KITT
Boomers (BUMA?) The villains from Bubblegum Crisis anime

and, of course, Hallie, who's probably my favorite "supporting" PVB character

I suppose he was, and he's certainly *the* classic mad computer, but "2001" never really did much for me. Kubrick in general never really excited me.



The Terminator is an excellent unstoppable killing machine. And who knows... maybe Skynet will be featured in that television show or the next movie they make.




I'm not familiar with the last one... I'll be adding more to my list as the week goes on and I need to fill some dead board time.



Hopefully a new Hallie story will be coming very soon.

Some company that builds robots programmed their latest to sing the song:

HAL is the most terrifyingly passive-agressive villain EVER. He reminds me of every single creepy person who's read Dale Carnegie one too many times, because as I sense is the case with far too many of them, beneath all of HAL's even-tempered social niceties is a sociopath who's completely divorced from anything resembling humanity.

Surely someone's mother-in-law gives him a run for his money.


Well, if I believed that, then he'd be even more dull than I suggested. I'd say the cracks in his psyche that drive him mad show more humanity than most of the cast of that film. He's not the reason I nod off when watching it.

I can't say I follow everything he does, but 2001 was good, and Dr Strangelove may be my all time favorite movie.



I saw a clip of the TV show. Is that the girl from Firefly playing one of the robots?



Boomers were synthetic life forms that would go crazy ala Replicants, except they transformed into big blue monsters with guns. They had a nice visual, and I liked the videos I saw because it had a bit of a superhero vibe



Good news

I actually had never seen Dr. Strangelove until recently, but I did quite enjoy it. Peter Sellers was a genius.



Is it? I didn't get a close look at her, apparently. I've only caught the very short promos during commercial breaks in football. I am, however, wondering how often they can really go back to that same well. I mean, yes it's time travel, but according the the story in the first movie the robots sent back the first terminator as a last resort before humans took over the base with the time machine. It was enough of a stretch to say they also sent another for when John Conner was 13, and then another when he was whatever age he was in that last movie. Now there are yet more for this Sarah Connor thing?




I've never seen the Bubblegum Crisis series, but it has always looked interesting. And blue replicants sound pretty good to me.