Desert Camo

                         by

                     Jack L Bryson

    There was a mouse in a cage. It was a green mouse. It ate a food pellet. It had a water bottle in its cage. Water dripped from its bottle. There was newspaper under the wire bottom of its cage. The water dripped on the newspaper.

    I picked up the cage. It was light. I set it down on top of a black table. The mouse dropped its food pellet. Then it stood on its hind legs. It lifted its nose. It smelt my finger. I slid a piece of green cheese into its cage. The mouse picked up the cheese and started nibbling on it. Then, the mouse glowed a tint of green.

    I took the mouse out of the cage. I lay him on a cloth on the table. The mouse fell asleep. I picked a syringe and took a sample of the mouse’s blood. The blood was green. It glowed. I picked the mouse up and put him in the cage. After an hour he woke up again and drank from his water bottle.

    I took the mouse’s blood and drank it. Then, I took a nap on the couch. I slept an hour. I woke up. My skin had turned a little green. My tongue had thorns on it. I peered into the mouse’s cage. Thorns were sticking out of his back.

    I ate some breakfast. Then I ran some more experiments. I drew more blood and mixed it with a saline water solution. I drank the blood. I lay on the couch and slept for an hour. When I woke up I had thorns on my arms. The mouse had thorns in his ears.

    A day later, my mouse had turned into a cactus mouse. He had thorns all over his body. Two leafs sprouted from his head. He drank all the water in his bottle. I refilled it and he drank that bottle too. Then I let the mouse out of his cage.

    The mouse ran across the street into a neighborhood. I put on an overcoat and followed him. The mouse ran up the steps of a front yard. There was a potted cactus on someone’s front porch. The mouse climbed in the pot with the cactus. He remained very still. When nighttime came the mouse left the potted plant. He searched for food. He made his way into the house.

    After an hour the mouse came out with a slice of cake. He took the cake to his potted plant. Then, he ate the cake. I watched the mouse until morning. When morning came, he stood still again. A dog came out of the house. He sniffed the cactus. Then he left it alone.

    A few days later I turned into a cactus man. I stayed in my lab all day. When night came I left the lab. I got in my car and drove to a nudist colony. I parked just outside the entrance. I left my car in the parking lot. Then I jumped a fence. There was a hill with dry grass and some cacti. I ran up to the hill and sat down with the cacti.

    After an hour, female hikers walked past the cacti patch. Some took photos. They commented on the cacti. They were skinny. Some had large breasts. Some had small. Some had long legs. Some were short.

    Several hours went by. I got up from the cactus patch and left. I jumped over the fence of the nudist colony. I got into my car and left the nudist colony.

    After I left the nudist colony I drove back to the lab. I lay on the couch and rested. When morning came I got off the couch. I decided to rob a bank. I hung around the lab until five in the evening. Then, I put on an overcoat and sunglasses. I got into my car and drove to a large bank.

    There were only a couple customers. I walked into the bank. I spotted a couple cactus plants near the entrance. I took off my coat and climbed into a pot. The cactus I hid behind was very large.

    Soon the bank closed. Customers left. Tellers closed their windows. I left the cactus plant. The bank vault was still open. I slipped inside the vault. In one corner there was a pile of bags. They were for ATMs. I took one of the bags. Then I slipped out of the vault.

    Two Tellers stood in the lobby. They were watching me. One of the tellers walked outside and tapped a security guard on the shoulder. The security guard came inside the bank. He pulled out his revolver. Then he told me to drop the money bag.

    I dropped the money bag. Then I ran out of the bank. The security guard shot me. He shot me in the arm. Instead of blood, water came out. I felt dehydrated. I lay down on the sidewalk and slept.

    When I woke up, my colleagues stood over me. They had twelve IVs put into my arms. Two days later I appeared before a judge. He told me that after I got well I had to clean up trash on the side of a highway.

    Picking up trash wasn’t so bad. I could bend down and touch the trash. It would stick to my hand. Holding the garbage bag was difficult. I would tear up the bag quickly. After a few days I noticed my skin started to lose its shade of green. My thorns started to get smaller.

    After picking up trash I checked the progress of the lab mouse. I went at night. The mouse was still in the pot. A cat sat on a ledge staring at it. His tail swished back and forth. The mouse stirred from its pot. It left the pot and climbed on to the window ledge and in the house. The cat let it pass. Ten minutes passed. The mouse came out with a slice of bread. The cat let the mouse return to its pot.
    
    The mouse ate its slice of bread. Then it curled up in its pot and slept. I crept up the front the porch and picked up the cat. There were thorns in its’ paw. I put the cat down. Then I returned to the lab and made some notes.

    The next evening I returned to the mouse. He lay in the pot. He lost some of his green pigmentation. His thorns had gotten a little smaller. The cat was on the window ledge. His tail swished back and forth as he looked down at the pot. The mouse woke up and left the pot. He climbed onto the ledge. The cat let him pass into the house.

    Moments later the mouse came out the window. He had a crust of bread. He returned to the pot. He ate the crust. Then he fell asleep. I took a pair of thick gloves out of my back pocket. Then I crept up to the house. I picked up the mouse and put him in a cage. I carried him back to the lab.

    After a few days, the mouse turned white. All of his thorns fell off. He ate food pellets and used his exercise wheel. I threw away the cacti formula. I studied ferns next.