Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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Visionary 
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Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 2,131
Subj: "Endings"
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 at 05:44:34 pm EST (Viewed 636 times)




The vast expense of Nothing was quite like nothing Visionary had ever seen before. Admittedly, that’s more or less what one would expect from Nothing, and yet in this case the description really didn’t do it justice. It wasn’t just the lack of interesting stuff about, it was the complete and utter lack altogether. It turns out that Nothing was quite beyond the mortal ability to imagine. It exists in the absence of imagination. It cannot be described as churning, or gaping, or swallowing, as it does none of those things. It does absolutely nothing at all, and does it quite horrifically.

“It’s really something, isn’t it?” Lisa noted, looking about. “So to speak.”

“Gah!” Visionary screamed, quite on edge. “Where the hell am I? What’s happening?”

“Hmmm?” Lisa asked, tearing her attention away from their non-surroundings. “Oh... right. You kept your mortal understanding of things when you were Chronicler of Stories. I had forgotten about that.” She chewed her lip. “Maybe that’s for the best... I mean, it’s not going to do your blood pressure any good, but all things considered that probably doesn’t matter too much any longer. I think that maybe you have the best mindset for what’s going to happen here.”

“Here? Where’s here? What’s going to happen?” the frazzled Regular demanded. He came to the unnerving realization that he wasn’t standing on anything. (Thankfully, however, he was not yet standing on Nothing.) “Is this the void? Like Liu Xi uses?”

“No, the void is different. There’s something to it... a concept, if nothing else. But a concept can go a long way. That...” she nodded to the Nothing, “isn’t even conceptual. That’s the whole point. That’s the reason the two of us are here. We have a job to do.”

“A job?” Visionary asked.

The Destroyer of Tales smiled tightly, her eyes sad but resigned. “We’re here to see the Ending.”



“The Ending” Visionary repeated.

“Yes”

“Of everything” he double checked.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

It was a lot to take in. Well, the scenery wasn’t, but the concept was hard to fully grasp. Everyone knows that the Universe will end sometime, but aside from a few religious types nobody really expects it to happen on their watch. “This is the end of the Parodyverse?”

Lisa checked her watch. “Just about.”

“It’s kind of quiet for the end of everything” he observed.

“I think we missed the party. We just get to turn out the lights.”

Visionary looked with haunted eyes out at the Nothing. “So everyone we know is already gone?”

“Everyone we know has been gone for a very, very long time” she confirmed.

That was a bit too much to contemplate. Rather, Visionary preferred to believe that everyone he knew was pretty much right where he left them, and would be waiting for him as soon as he returned from this horrible lack of a place. “And yet I somehow lived until the very end of the Parodyverse?”

Lisa snorted. “Please. I’m amazed you survived more than a week in the Parodyverse as it was. You’ve been dead for ages.”

Visionary blinked at this news, then opened his coat and checked for bullet holes in his chest ala Bruce Willis in the 6th Sense.

“You’re not a ghost, and this isn’t heaven nor hell, so let’s just skip it shall we?” Lisa noted, rolling her eyes. “You’re here because you’re the Chronicler of Stories, and maybe one other reason that we’ll get to later. I’m here because I’m the Destroyer of Tales.”

“What other reason? Hey, wait... I’m only a temp Chronicler... and, now that I think of it, that was a long time ago.”

“Doesn’t work like that. There’s only one Chronicler, and only one Destroyer. Both of them are here at the End, so both of us are here.”

“What about all of the others who have held the offices?”

“They were here at the end too, from their own perspectives. Look, just... take my word for it, okay?”

Now that he reflected on it, that was quite a common phrase the other conceptual beings used around him during his time as Chronicler. “What about the Shaper of Worlds? The last member of the Triumvirate? Are we going to get to see Carrington again? Or Jury?”

“The Shaper was here earlier, but the last story has already been started. There’s nothing more for the Shaper to do in the Parodyverse. We’ve past all of the beginnings.”

“Wait, shouldn’t we be fighting this? Isn’t stopping the end of the universe kind of our job description?”

“Actually, ending it is pretty much my only job description” Lisa noted.

“I meant as Legionnaires! Or Regulars, even. “Once a Regular, always a Regular”, right?”

Lisa considered it. “I think we all tend to drift out of “Regular” and into “Plus-Sized” after enough decades go by... and you don’t even want to know how many decades we’re talking about here.” She shrugged. “But I have time to kill, and Nothing is doing just fine on its own... so what do you propose?”

Visionary thought on it. “Well, um... what if I told a new story? That would be a new beginning, wouldn’t it? And that would prove that we’re not past all of them yet...”

“Do you *have* a new story to tell?” Lisa asked curiously. “I only ask because you mostly just retell old ones over and over again.”

“I could have a new story in me!” Visionary insisted. “Let me see... Once upon a time, in a far away land...”

“Yeah, that opening bodes well for it being something new.”

“You didn’t let me finish!”

“I’m all about letting you finish” Lisa noted calmly. “You just can’t start anything that hasn’t already been started. It’s all been written by now.”

“Well, what if Little Red Riding Hood ran into Nazi Zombies on her way to Grandma’s house?”

“It’s been done.”

“Um, okay... What about, um... Alien vampires come to Earth to open a hair salon as a front for sucking the brains out of the Real Housewives of Atlanta?”

“I’m pretty sure I saw that season on TV.”

“Uh... a farmboy dreams about big adventures, meets a wizard and defeats an evil empire?”

“That might be a new one” Lisa allowed.

“Really?”

“You’re an idiot.” She sighed. “Face it Vizh, near-infinite monkeys have had near-infinite years to type up the works of Shakespeare by now. I promise you they’ve accidentally typed up whatever half-baked idea you manage to come up with off the top of your head. That’s why the Shaper is already gone... there’s nothing left to start.”

“I refuse to sit here and do nothing, dammit!”

“Oh, I wouldn’t advise that you try to do Nothing. That wouldn’t end well at all.” She chuckled. “Look, Vizh... it will all make sense in a little while. With Nothing left to happen, the end will be here pretty quickly. You just Chronicle it, I’ll make sure it finishes as it’s supposed to, and that’s all she wrote.” She brushed off her hands.

“So if something were to happen, that would delay the Nothing?” Visionary asked.

“Seriously? Do I need to go through this one more time..?”

“We can’t start anything without the Shaper of Worlds around, but the two of us... we can finish stories that are already started, can’t we?” Visionary asked cagily, which was rare for him.

Lisa paused. “Huh. Well, I suppose it would be bad form to leave lose ends in the fabric of the universe all unraveled...”

“Absolutely! Can’t have everything just sputter out all frazzled and higgily-piggily! What would people say?”

“Well, considering they’re all long dead...” she began. “Ah, who am I kidding. I’m in. What did you have in mind?”

“Oh! Um... unfinisihed stories... Well, I hardly know where to begin...”

The Destroyer of Worlds cleared her throat.

“Er, that is, I hardly know where to continue...” he corrected himself, just in case whoever made up these rules was listening. He gave it some thought, and ultimately decided on a course of action. It was distasteful, sure... but he was trying to put off the end of all existence, after all. Some sacrifices were to be expected.

“Right, so...” he began continued, “...There we were in the Happy Place...”





to be continued...