Kambyon the Kruel #5 “God of Monsters”


Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four



Continuity note: This story takes place between the end of the Parody War and the start of the Moderator Saga.



It said much about Magweed and Griffin’s upbringing that neither was fazed by the exotic nature of their home. Most residents of the Parodyverse would find difficulty in coming to terms with the concept of a lighthouse that stood on two tracts of geography (depending on circumstance). Not so the twins. They had lived lives fraught with the fantastic even before they had learned their true pedigrees as children sired by a possibly fake paternal figure and two separate mothers: one an emancipated pleasure slave from a galaxy far, far away, the other a living hologram.

It was the latter woman who broadcast herself into the lighthouse’s living room, where both children could be found.

“Hi, Mom. What’s up?” Griffin asked her once she had finished materializing.

“Just checking in,” Hallie responded somewhat suspiciously. The boy was usually surprisingly in the know, a circumstance caused by his being gestated in a womb that was the combined sum of all the electronic data on the World Wide Web, “I see you’re both hitting the books.”

“Yes,” Magweed held up her copy of Julie of the Wolves, “That was what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

“Absolutely,” Hallie glanced over to her son who had gone back to being engrossed in the adventures of the Heterodyne Boys, “We’re going to have company soon; some people from the mansion.”

“OK, Mom. Do you want us to do anything for when they arrive?”

“No. Just stay as you are,” the emerald hued woman gave them both a comforting pat on the shoulder before disappearing.

“We shouldn’t do this,” the girl said once their mother had gone.

“We have to,” Griffin hopped off the sofa and lifted its cushion.

“She told us to stay here.”

Retrieving a hastily folded floor plan of Lair Mansion, Griff argued, “Actually, she said for you to stay here. Which you will. Its too dangerous for you to come with me.”

“You may need my help!” his sister protested.

“No, Maggie. You saw what that giant did on the TV. It tore up the entire bridge to the island as easy as pulling weeds,” Griff referenced Kambyon’s spectacular display of power caught earlier on camera, right before his threat to devour one of the twin’s closest friends.

“I don’t think he really intends to eat Iris. His heart didn’t seem into it.”

The boy made some last minute calculations on his hand-drawn map before turning to his sister, “Maybe. But it’s hard for you to read a person’s intentions from so far away, especially when the cable reception here is so bad. We can’t take the risk. Somebody has to save Iris, and since her dad or our dad or the rest of the Lair Legion isn’t here, I’m the best qualified. The giant can’t hurt what he can’t see or touch.”

“You hope.”

“Yeah.”

Magweed stared at her brother for several moments. The two had been through a great deal in their lives, facing monsters that had come in a variety of forms. But this one… “I hope Iris is OK.”

*****

“RRRAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!” Kambyon the Kruel bared his claws and loomed over the doe eyed baby sitting on the desk of the absent leader of the Lair Legion.

Iris Paintbrush Sunrise’s face grew solemn for a moment, before she exploded into a fit of happy squeals, repeatedly mashing her pudgy hands together in a show of appreciation for the Hairy Man’s antics.

The Beast of Apocalyspe did not reciprocate the sentiment. He had tried everything short of violence to frighten the female, from growls to snorts to grinding his molars so hard a sound akin to an avalanche filled the room. Iris had been entertained, but not impressed.

Finally, it a fit of pique, Kambyon tore the wrought iron fireplace free from its brick mantel, bending it so that the blackened iron caged the child.

Iris cooed and began finger painting herself with the soot.

“Stupid mortal infant,” Kambyon cursed as he lowered himself on his haunches to his best pondering position. He had much to consider.

To be continued

Footnotes

Kambyon the Kruel: Son of the cosmic tyrant Dark Thugos and as yet unnamed alien death goddess, this brute has been exiled from Apocalyspe and has come to Earth searching for something he believes a member of the Lair Legion has information on.

Hallie is an artificial intelligence (a heuristic Artificial Life Learning Intelligence Entity) originally created by Dr Ernst Vishnar at the behest of Baron Zemo (q.v) from the engrams of dead computer scientist Helen MacAllistair. She later relocated to LL headquarters where she acts as their occasional resident computer. Using the notorious Movie Gun technology she can pass objects and people back and forth between the Parodyverse and the Virtual world. She developed Holographic Emitter Drones that allow her to travel and project hard-light holograms. Hallie gestated Visionary’s twin children.

Magweed/Naari and Griffin (neither of whom seem to have proper Who’s Who entries even though they should… Vizh!) are twin children born to Visionary and Miiri of Caph as well as being temporarily gestated by Hallie. An old enemy of the Legionnaire named Camilla of the Fey kidnapped the newborn Naari and replaced her with stillborn changeling. Eventually the parents discovered the ruse and travelled to the Realms of Faerie to rescue their daughter, but not before several years of her time had passed. They also discovered Maggie had a twin brother who up until that time had kept her company as an invisible, intangible not quite imaginary friend who believed he was an actual Griffin. Magweed is believed destined to become the next Queen of Faerie, can communicate with animals and read people’s hearts. Griff has absorbed a vast amount of human knowledge due to the circumstances of his birth and can make himself invisible and intangible. And that’s not even half their story.

Iris Paintbrush Sunrise is the daughter of the Legionnaire CrazySugarFreakBoy! and Pelopia, Priestess of the Word. She’s not quite yet a toddler and apparently as easy to intimidate as her father.

Heh... I couldn't help imagining the end scene as illustrated by Phil Foglio (especially after Griffin's reading material... nice!) I don't think his heart is really in baby-eating either, from the looks of things. Iris's reactions are spot on.

As were Maggie and Griff's... the peanut gallery certainly like to look after their own. And wonderful job of writing the Who's Who entry for them! I knew there was something that I had forgotten to do...

Loads of fun... I look forward to more.

I know the Boys have been referenced in "Girl Genius", but I remember them being mentioned back when Foglio was writing comics for DC ("Stanley and his Monster", in partcular)


> I don't think his heart is really in baby-eating either, from the looks of things. Iris's reactions are spot on.

I thought so to.




I really wanted to do a showdown between Kambyon and Griff if only to reenact my favorite bits from Tolkein.



And wonderful job of writing the Who's Who entry for them! I knew there was something that I had forgotten to do...

Now you can use the time freed up to draw that picture of Citizen Z we've been waiting for.



Well, now that I've actually posted something I no longer feel guilty, so it may be a while.

I thought that everyone was spot-on character here. With nobody else around it makes sense to me the kids would take matters into their own hands. And I thought Iris was portrayed perfectly; growing up around the Lair Legion and the Globetrotting Gangbusters has surely accustomed her to the strange.

Or she just pays attention as well as dear old dad, whichever.

~Hat~

.

I'm thinking this.