“If you want to beg,” the Scarlet Lawnmower told the kids he’d surrounded with whirling psychic blades, “now is the time.”

“Will that help us,” asked Salieri Meng in a small voice.

“He’s just toying with us,” Sam spat. “Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

“Ooh, a tough cookie,” sneered the Lawnmower. “I love those. A tough cookie who doesn’t need her face any more.”

Sam braced herself and closed her eyes as the blades whirred closer.

The hurled fire extinguisher caught the Scarlet Lawnmower on the back of his skull and he folded like a house of cards.

“What?” demanded Salieri Meng, blinking in surprise at the sudden turn. “Who?”

“Guess that would be me,” said Doorman, appearing beside the downed Legionnaire. “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that, but the moment seemed right.”

“Jay?” Samantha gasped. “Jay Boaz!”

“Yeah,” agreed Doorman, blankly. “So?”

“So you’re Hatman!”

“No, I’m Doorman. But I think I’ve just handed in my resignation. I couldn’t just stand by and watch you two kids get cut to bits. Now let’s get out of here.”

Samantha realised that in this reality Jay had never been exposed to Serious Matter, never gained the powers of the Capped Crusader. The Moderator only kept him around for gloating purposes.

And Jay had still just saved their lives.

“Let’s go then,” Sam said. “We have a mass execution to stop and a world to save.”

Jay stopped abruptly. “We do?”

Samantha took his arm. “We do, Mr Boaz. It’s going to be tough. But I have faith in you!”

* * * * *

    Doorman looked over the jeans, t-shirt, and red cape he had donned at Samantha’s request. “This is supposed to be a superhero costume?” he asked incredulously.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, you designed it,” scoffed Salieri. He finished punching in a few final keystrokes before turning away from the computer. “CSFB! and his team should be here momentarily.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is that supposed to be a superhero costume?” came a gruff voice from the doorway. CrazySugarFreakBoy!, Killer Shrike, Gamma Ray Gary, D’ur Accell, Gamona, and Velcro Vixen.

    Salieri looked smugly over at Samantha. “Literally.”

    Samantha stuck her tongue out at him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He looks kinda familiar,” said CSFB!, sizing up the capped crusader before him. “How do we know he’s not still working for The Moderator?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How do we know you aren’t, FlunkyBoy…?” responded Doorman.

    Shrike indicated CSFB!’s new arm. “I’d say he’s on the up and up.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the Parodyverse proper this is the leader of the Lair Legion,” Samantha began to explain. Salieri could see the urge to attack on the New Purveryors of Perils face.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Whoa, time out!” he called, jumping in between. “The old Lair Legion, not the New one. He’s here to help.”

    CSFB! sized him up warily, but decided to trust the boy genius’ opinion. “Word over my Eerie Earring is Iowa’s the place we need to be. They’re taking April there right now, along with a bunch of other prisoners. Some kind of Death Camp.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If we are to save those people we should make haste,” pointed out the massive Equinite.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have a few things I’ll need from the Lair Mansion. I’ll catch up,” Doorman promised. “Can you pick me up in about two hours? he asked D’ur Acell.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure, no problem,” agreed the Yellow Flashlight.

    As the group separated Samantha couldn’t help but be bothered by something.

    Had she told Hatman about the Lair Mansion?

* * * * *

“Did I displease you?” Jay said, to the tune of Liu Xi’s heart sinking to new depths of sadness. “Did I comply with all your wishes, Wife of The Moderator? Please tell me I did, The Moderator will punish me if I didn’t make you happy!”


Liu Xi growled as she wrenched free of his grip and stormed out of the room, headed back to her own room to hide. As she ran, she fought tears grown from despair and horror as she began to feel the hopelessness of her situation, added to the hopelessness The Moderator spread around him.


After she left, Jay looked at the cap, staring at it as if something was vaguely familiar about it. He then put it back on his nightstand and headed to work as the Doorman. But deep within his mind, the seeds had been sewn.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yellow Flashlight Express, all aboard!” called D’ur as he landed beside Jay. “Ready to go?”

    Doorman reached into his bag and pulled out an ebony coloured handgun. He turned to D’ur and fired three shots directly into the Flashlights skull.

    The alien fell down, unmoving, thick orange blood seeping from the hole in his head.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Did you fools really think The Moderator would be stupid enough to leave Hatman in this reality where he could upset his plans?” Doorman kicked the cooling body of D’ur Acell. “No, the champion of order from the Parodyverse proper will not be found in this reality.”

    Doorman attached his red cape to his shirt. “I’m the only Jay Boaz in this dimension. And once I let The Moderator and the Lair Legion annihilate each other, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces and rule the Parodyverse myself!”

    The champion of Destruction accessed the Demolition Matter implanted in his mind and used his ability to link any two doorways together to step through to the Iowa Death Camp to await the arrival of his newfound “comrades”.

    As he left D’ur Acell to die, he allowed himself to consider the seed Liu Xi had awoken within him after their encounter. Yup, I do like ‘em young. he chuckled to himself.

To be continued