Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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Post By
L!

Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038
Subj: Catherine & the Hit List
Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 at 08:21:41 pm EST (Viewed 353 times)


You have Mike & his comment to my last story post to thank for this.

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It's the morning of December 24th, Catherine was heading home for the day. She trudged her way through the snow. As she did her mind wandered to various topics everything from the status of the local transit system to what members of her family were probably doing at the moment to what was Santa doing at the moment.

Catherine rounded the corner of Macgovern onto Litchdenberg, out of the corner of her eye she saw some movement. When she turned to see what it was, nothing was there. She shrugged it off & continued on down the street. A few minutes later, out of the corner of her eye once again she saw some movement. This time she spun around quickly & caught just the last bit of a someone running down an alleyway.

As she ran after them, something clicked in her mind, she had seen their boots from somewhere but she didn't have time to think about that now. Catherine got to the alleyway & no one was there. She carefully, slowly crept down the alleyway. She looked all around for signs that someone had been there. All she found were series of footprints in the snow going all sorts of directions so they weren't all that much a help.

As Catherine past by a dumpster, out of the corner of her eye a person popped up & grabbed her. Catherine attempted to fight back. But they were much stronger then her. They held a piece of cloth over Catherine's nose & mouth.

"Chloroform!" Catherine thought.

Just before she felt asleep, Catherine got a good look at her attacker & they were wearing a Storm Trooper suit of armor.

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Some time later, Catherine woke up. She didn't know how longer she had been out or where she was. But as she looked around the small room, she did know where she was. It was a cell much like the one Princess Leia was in Episode 4. Then Catherine noticed what was dressed in, Leia's slave outfit from Episode 6. She didn't feel all that cold, the cell was quite warm.

"What the heck?" was her only thought before the Cell's door whooshed open. Then in the doorway was a man dressed as Darth Vader, behind him were a gaggle of Storm Troopers.

The Sith Lord entered the room & said something, what he said muffled by the helmet.

"What?"

Lord Vader repeated what he had said, it was still muffled by the helmet but sounded a bit more angry this time.

"What? I still can hear you."

There a sigh from the Sith Lord. He turned to one of the Storm Troopers standing beside him. They nodded then went about removing the helmet & mask. When Lord Vader turned back to Catherine, she was a bit surprised to see was in the suit.

"George Lucas?"

"Yes. Now tell me the location of the tape?"

"What?"

"The Tape. I sensed that you are in pocession of a bootleg copy of the Star Wars holiday special."

"You sensed it?"

"Yes. Through the Force."

"The Force is a real thing?"

Mr. Lucas sighed. "Yes, it's real. You think I'd make up something like that?"

"Well... yeah."

Catherine could see that Mr. Lucas was attempting to not to hit her. She then thought he might also be attempting to not use The Force to choke her. "No. Everything in my Documentaries really happened."

"They were Documentaries?"

Mr. Lucas started to laugh. So did the Storm Troopers but their laughter was muffled by their helmets. When he stopped laughing, so did the Troopers. "Of course they were. They were just marketed as fiction protect your fragile minds."

"ok." Catherine said not sure. She has read on the Internet that Lucas was crazy but she just thought was whiney fanboys.

"Now tell me the location of the tape or remain here until you do!" He said forcefully.

"Why do you want it?"

"The Special, as it was called, was made as a joke & was never meant to be released to the general public. I've spent the past 30 years trying to collect every copy."

"How's that going?"

"Nicely. I almost have every copy. Now release unto me the location of your copy?"

"Where are we?"

"Your current in the Detention Block at my Ranch in Nicasio, California."

"Cool."

"Yes, it is. Now release unto me the location of your copy?"

"Why should I?"

"Do so or face my Rancor!" Mr. Lucas said as shook his right fist in the air.

He was then tapped on the shoulder by one of the Storm Troopers.

"What is it?"

The Trooper whispered something of Lucas' ear.

"WHAT?" He screamed.

"What?" Catherine asked.

"Apparently the last person I sent to the Rancor: killed it & we have yet to get another one. So, release unto me to the location of your copy or face my pack of rabid Ewoks!" He said & then shook his right fist in the air.

"How rabid?"

"Very."

"Do they have use of weapons or not?"

"No. It would be just you against the Ewoks."

"Do I get weapons?"

"No. Just you & the Ewoks."

"How many are in a pack?"

"It varies. I've sent it as low as five & upwards to fifty or more."

"Interesting." Catherine said as she grabbed one of the Storm Troopers pistols & fired.

This scattered the group allowing her a clear exit. She ran & as she did a siren went off.

"Crap." she said.

As she did, Catherine wondered where they had taken her stuff. She was lost in thought & wasn't really looking where she was going so when she reached an intersection she ran into someone. They were dressed up as Chewbacca.

"Hey!" They said as picked up their mask & put it back on.

"Do you work here?" Catherine asked.

She got answer but it was a series of growls & moans.

"English!" Catherine said & pointed the gun at them.

The guy then took off the mask & said. "Sorry. I don't work here. I'm not even sure how I got here. Last thing I knew was I'm at home watching my copy of Star Wars Christmas special & then the power went out. Before I could do anything about it someone hit me in the back of the head & I woke here, wearing this."

"I had a similar story."

"But you got the better costume." He said.

"Would you like to change?" Catherine said sarcastically.

"No. I don't think it could pull it off. You do nicely."

"Thanks, I think. We need to get out of here." Catherine said but before any plan could be hatched a group of Storm Troopers came down the corridor firing at them.

"Crap." Chewbacca said.

"I know." Catherine said & began to fire back as she hid behind one of the poles that lined the corridor.

Catherine was one side & Chewbacca was on the other.

"What do we do now?"

"Not sure." Catherine said as she shot back. Her shots seemed to be hit most of her targets, when their shots are flying everywhere.

"What about this?" Chewie asked. There was a hatch besides him.

"You want to go down there?" Catherine asked as she fired back a few shots.

"Sure."

"What if it's a Garbage Shoot? I'm not all up from smelling wet Wookiee."

"Me, either. But what choice do we have?"

"Ok. You go first. I'll hold them off."

Chewbacca goes down as Catherine fires off a few last shots then follows him. At the bottom, Catherine hits the floor with a thud.

"Let me help you up." He said as he offered her his hand.

She takes it & stands up.

"Where are we?"

"Storage." He says as he points to a sign behind that says the same thing.

"You think out stuff might be here?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"You know what floor we were on? Catherine asked as she started to look around.

"I think it was the Alderaan deck."

The two of the walk through the seemingly endless room.

"Here it is. Alderaan deck. Too bad I don't know what cell I was in."

"Where you from?" Chewie asked.

"Why?" Catherine wondered.

"The bins are labeled." He said as he showed her a bin. On the bin it read "Male, Chicago."

"Parrodipolis."

They then set about looking for all the bins that said they were from there, only one was for a woman from there. Catherine opened it & there were her clothes, her shoes & her bag. She opened it & there inside was everything, including why she had been brought there.

"So, where are you from?"

"Topeka. But we don't need to look for a bin."

"Why?"

"I was only wearing my underwear when they got me."

"Ok." Catherine said. She was feeling that was a bit too much information.

She tossed him the gun & said "I'm going to go change, if any Troopers show up..."

"Shoot them."

"No. Maybe just wing them." Catherine said with a sly smile then went for find a secluded spot to change.

Before she could, out of the corner of her eye a person popped up & grabbed her. Catherine attempted to fight back. But they were much stronger then her. They held a piece of cloth over Catherine's nose & mouth.

"Not again" Catherine thought.

Just before she felt asleep, Catherine got a good look at her attacker & they were wearing a Storm Trooper suit of armor.

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Sometime later, Catherine woke in her bed at home, she was dressed in her average clothes.

"What the heck?" She thought.

Catherine got out bed & wondered if it was all a dream until she found on her couch in the living room a storage bin with a Leia slave outfit in it.

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THE END


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