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The Hooded Hood starts the wind up to the wind up



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

Saving the Future – Part 27 (first bit): I Was Framed

Previously: Exiled reality-twisting alien Joey Z is on trial for the genocide of the Shee-Yar race (even though he didn’t actually do it). See Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child, Visionary and the Hooded Hood, part 4 by L!, #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood.

***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court will rise.” Somewhere in a vast interdimensional judiciary where matters of cosmic law were examined a collection of beings tasked with arbitrating the rules of the Parodyverse came to their feet (or whatever else they stood on). At the bar the Naicluvian exile Joey Z looked around him with alarm.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, what about the rest of my defence?” he objected.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, what about the rest of his defence?” demanded Arnie J. Armbruster, his attorney. “I was counting on weeks of fees for this.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everything that needs to be said has been said,” replied Judge Wah P’Nar from the bench. “We have heard of the evidence from Auditor Noseous Org and his team. An entire civilisation has been eradicated, and this genocide was signed by the perpetrator.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, I’ve confessed to the pistachio ice-cream thing but I never killed the Shee-Yar!” shouted Joey. “I’ve been framed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are very few entities capable of murdering an empire like the Shee-Yar Imperium,” Wah P’Nar noted. “We have heard testimony from Exu, a god of murder, that you are one of them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But there are others it could have been,” objected Arnie. “We should call all of them and cross-examine them. At length. On the meter.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Furthermore, we have received accounts of your attempts to cover up your crimes by erasing the population of Sol III,” went on the judge.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, about that,” worried Snookie, Arnie’s secretary. “Is there any chance you could do some cosmic stuff and get my mom and dad back? Please?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t erase Earth,” Joey Z denied. “I’d hardly started playing with it yet!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Come on!” urged Snookie. “At least tell me where I can get an application form!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The evidence is incontrovertible,” sniffed Noseous Org. “A confession written in the blood of the Shee-Yar Emperor: JOEY Z DID THIS SO THERE!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a second opinion,” argued Arnie. “And a third. And a retrial. And a book deal. With movie rights.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a drink,” sighed Snookie. “With an umbrella in it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a new legal team,” demanded Joey Z.

    Justice Wah P’Nar intervened. “The evidence has been examined for cosmic spoor and psychic imprints and every indicator suggests that the prisoner at the bar perpetrated this crime. Evidence has been laid before this court and it will now be evaluated. I am ready to pass judgement.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Balderdash!”

    The court turned as a red-faced old gentleman with side-whiskers stalked into the room, shouting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sir Mumphrey Wilton, you have already given your evidence,” Noseous Org snarled. “Unhelpfully.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be quiet you blathering pipsqueak,” commanded the keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity. “The grown-ups are talkin’. Anyhow, I’ve brought along an expert witness.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening,” said the Hooded Hood.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Urp,” said Snookie. “Arnie… is that…?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Alan Rickman!” gasped the attorney-at-law.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The cowled crime czar!” gasped Org. “We have an infraction file on him that takes up several planets! We should summon the Enforcers and…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be silent,” commanded the tall man in the grey robes and heavy cowl. “The Hooded Hood will speak.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the third person, apparently,” muttered Snookie.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Hooded who?” asked Joey Z.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court recognises the Hooded Hood,” proclaimed Wah P’Nar.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Although the prisoner at the bar doesn’t,” noted Joey. “I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Aw, that just means you haven’t spotted how he’s manipulated you for years yet advised Snookie. “Um, wasn’t he supposed to be dead or something?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not seen him?” argued Arnie. “Didn’t you watch Harry Potter? GalaxyQuest?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have been deceived,” announced the Hooded Hood, staring round the infinite courtroom. “The Naicluvian has indeed been set up for this crime, and you have focussed this court’s attention upon a trivial matter while cosmic crimes have been committed as you were distracted. The Void Scholar seeks to rewrite all reality and has now sealed Earth from even your interventions. Meanwhile you have been misled by a mere mischievous ploy.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Has he been sworn in yet?” demanded Noseous Org. “I don’t think so!”

    Arnie accidentally punched Org in the gonads. His fist slipped. Three times.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Better listen to the Hooded bounder,” Sir Mumphrey advised the court. “You’re goin’ to be needing his help, dammit, and right now I can’t think of a deuced thing we could do to stop what’s happenin’ without it.” He glared at the archvillain. “Doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you, Sir Mumphrey,” intoned the Hood in formal Latvian tones. “Now if I may just clear up this confusion regarding the alien Joey Z…?” he gestured, summoning the Portal of Pretentiousness which could show all times and places.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is an elder artefact,” realised Justice Wah P’Nar. “Do you have a licence for it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Am I not… the Hooded Hood?”

    Noseous Org whimpered in a heap on the floor.

    The Portal’s silver glass flickered, reflecting mirrored images of the devastated Shee-Yar throneroom. Emperor K’Ben lay slaughtered atop a heap of his courtiers.

    An extradimensional imp popped in to borrow his blood to write an incriminating message on the wall beside the corpses then blinked out again to watch the subsequent courtroom drama on TV.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” breathed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Dashed interferin’ nuisance of an oik that caused that Follies of Youth nonsense. So he’s back to his old tricks, is he?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp?” demanded Joey Z, rising from his stool. “Eddie the Imp? I was framed by somebody called Eddie the Imp?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is an extradimensional meddler with a media fixation and too much time on his hands,” observed the Hooded Hood. “He also has a somewhat outré sense of humour.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” screamed Joey Z.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can also do damned near anything,” observed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Especially in his native dimension.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh really?” snarled Joey. “Can he breathe after I’ve ripped his lungs out of his backside? He wants funny jokes I’ll give him funny jokes!” The Naicluvian exile broke out of his handcuffs, tossed them over to Arnie, blew a kiss at Snookie, gave Justice Wah P’Nar a formal curtsey, the dropped between dimensions to hunt down a certain imp.

    This meant war.

    The Hooded Hood looked satisfied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now to the real reason we dropped by, gentlemen,” Mumph told the courtroom briskly.

***


Continued soon…

***


Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2007 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2007 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.





HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

The Lair Legion Living Room chat room address is http://www.chillwater.org.uk/HH/index10.htm I'll be around from about 10.30pm British Summer Time, which I calculate to be 5.30pm EDT.




Visionary 

Moderator
hopes no more than an hour or so.

Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 2,131

Posted with Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.16 on Windows XP

> The Lair Legion Living Room chat room address is http://www.chillwater.org.uk/HH/index10.htm I'll be around from about 10.30pm British Summer Time, which I calculate to be 5.30pm EDT.





Visionary 

Moderator

Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 2,131

Posted with Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.16 on Windows XP

Of all the plot threads where the Hooded Hood could resurface, this is the last one I would have imagined... Good show. I'm impressed you were able to bring the Joey Z. stuff to a conclusion and still keep the main story on track. Now if only Snookie had gotten her drink...

Looking forward to whatever comes next!




Rhiannon



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

>
Saving the Future – Part 27 (first bit): I Was Framed
>
> Previously: Exiled reality-twisting alien Joey Z is on trial for the genocide of the Shee-Yar race (even though he didn’t actually do it). See Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child, Visionary and the Hooded Hood, part 4 by L!, #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood.
>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court will rise.” Somewhere in a vast interdimensional judiciary where matters of cosmic law were examined a collection of beings tasked with arbitrating the rules of the Parodyverse came to their feet (or whatever else they stood on). At the bar the Naicluvian exile Joey Z looked around him with alarm.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, what about the rest of my defence?” he objected.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, what about the rest of his defence?” demanded Arnie J. Armbruster, his attorney. “I was counting on weeks of fees for this.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everything that needs to be said has been said,” replied Judge Wah P’Nar from the bench. “We have heard of the evidence from Auditor Noseous Org and his team. An entire civilisation has been eradicated, and this genocide was signed by the perpetrator.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, I’ve confessed to the pistachio ice-cream thing but I never killed the Shee-Yar!” shouted Joey. “I’ve been framed.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are very few entities capable of murdering an empire like the Shee-Yar Imperium,” Wah P’Nar noted. “We have heard testimony from Exu, a god of murder, that you are one of them.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But there are others it could have been,” objected Arnie. “We should call all of them and cross-examine them. At length. On the meter.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Furthermore, we have received accounts of your attempts to cover up your crimes by erasing the population of Sol III,” went on the judge.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, about that,” worried Snookie, Arnie’s secretary. “Is there any chance you could do some cosmic stuff and get my mom and dad back? Please?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t erase Earth,” Joey Z denied. “I’d hardly started playing with it yet!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Come on!” urged Snookie. “At least tell me where I can get an application form!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The evidence is incontrovertible,” sniffed Noseous Org. “A confession written in the blood of the Shee-Yar Emperor: JOEY Z DID THIS SO THERE!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a second opinion,” argued Arnie. “And a third. And a retrial. And a book deal. With movie rights.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a drink,” sighed Snookie. “With an umbrella in it.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a new legal team,” demanded Joey Z.
>
>     Justice Wah P’Nar intervened. “The evidence has been examined for cosmic spoor and psychic imprints and every indicator suggests that the prisoner at the bar perpetrated this crime. Evidence has been laid before this court and it will now be evaluated. I am ready to pass judgement.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Balderdash!”
>
>     The court turned as a red-faced old gentleman with side-whiskers stalked into the room, shouting.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sir Mumphrey Wilton, you have already given your evidence,” Noseous Org snarled. “Unhelpfully.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be quiet you blathering pipsqueak,” commanded the keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity. “The grown-ups are talkin’. Anyhow, I’ve brought along an expert witness.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening,” said the Hooded Hood.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Urp,” said Snookie. “Arnie… is that…?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Alan Rickman!” gasped the attorney-at-law.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The cowled crime czar!” gasped Org. “We have an infraction file on him that takes up several planets! We should summon the Enforcers and…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be silent,” commanded the tall man in the grey robes and heavy cowl. “The Hooded Hood will speak.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the third person, apparently,” muttered Snookie.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Hooded who?” asked Joey Z.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court recognises the Hooded Hood,” proclaimed Wah P’Nar.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Although the prisoner at the bar doesn’t,” noted Joey. “I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Aw, that just means you haven’t spotted how he’s manipulated you for years yet advised Snookie. “Um, wasn’t he supposed to be dead or something?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not seen him?” argued Arnie. “Didn’t you watch Harry Potter? GalaxyQuest?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have been deceived,” announced the Hooded Hood, staring round the infinite courtroom. “The Naicluvian has indeed been set up for this crime, and you have focussed this court’s attention upon a trivial matter while cosmic crimes have been committed as you were distracted. The Void Scholar seeks to rewrite all reality and has now sealed Earth from even your interventions. Meanwhile you have been misled by a mere mischievous ploy.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Has he been sworn in yet?” demanded Noseous Org. “I don’t think so!”
>
>     Arnie accidentally punched Org in the gonads. His fist slipped. Three times.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Better listen to the Hooded bounder,” Sir Mumphrey advised the court. “You’re goin’ to be needing his help, dammit, and right now I can’t think of a deuced thing we could do to stop what’s happenin’ without it.” He glared at the archvillain. “Doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you, Sir Mumphrey,” intoned the Hood in formal Latvian tones. “Now if I may just clear up this confusion regarding the alien Joey Z…?” he gestured, summoning the Portal of Pretentiousness which could show all times and places.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is an elder artefact,” realised Justice Wah P’Nar. “Do you have a licence for it?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Am I not… the Hooded Hood?”
>
>     Noseous Org whimpered in a heap on the floor.
>
>     The Portal’s silver glass flickered, reflecting mirrored images of the devastated Shee-Yar throneroom. Emperor K’Ben lay slaughtered atop a heap of his courtiers.
>
>     An extradimensional imp popped in to borrow his blood to write an incriminating message on the wall beside the corpses then blinked out again to watch the subsequent courtroom drama on TV.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” breathed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Dashed interferin’ nuisance of an oik that caused that Follies of Youth nonsense. So he’s back to his old tricks, is he?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp?” demanded Joey Z, rising from his stool. “Eddie the Imp? I was framed by somebody called Eddie the Imp?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is an extradimensional meddler with a media fixation and too much time on his hands,” observed the Hooded Hood. “He also has a somewhat outré sense of humour.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” screamed Joey Z.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can also do damned near anything,” observed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Especially in his native dimension.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh really?” snarled Joey. “Can he breathe after I’ve ripped his lungs out of his backside? He wants funny jokes I’ll give him funny jokes!” The Naicluvian exile broke out of his handcuffs, tossed them over to Arnie, blew a kiss at Snookie, gave Justice Wah P’Nar a formal curtsey, the dropped between dimensions to hunt down a certain imp.
>
>     This meant war.
>
>     The Hooded Hood looked satisfied.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now to the real reason we dropped by, gentlemen,” Mumph told the courtroom briskly.
>
>
***

>
> Continued soon…
>
>
***

>
> Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2007 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2007 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.






HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000





HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000

> Of all the plot threads where the Hooded Hood could resurface, this is the last one I would have imagined... Good show. I'm impressed you were able to bring the Joey Z. stuff to a conclusion and still keep the main story on track. Now if only Snookie had gotten her drink...

I'd got this in mind from the moment I added my bit to the round robin.

> Looking forward to whatever comes next!

I'll try to generate something.




Anime Jason 

Owner

Location: Here
Member Since: Sun Sep 12, 2004
Posts: 2,834


anime.mangacool.net (10.0.255.1)
using Apple Safari 3.1.2 on MacOS X (0 points)


That way Arnie would have gotten more fees.

Alan Rickman is one of my favorite actors. I never pictured the Hooded Hood portrayed by him, but it works.




L!


Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038

Posted with Apple Safari 3.1.2 on MacOS X

That trial certainly took a turn I wasn't expecting.




The Hooded Hood adds some more to the story



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

Saving the Future – Part 27: Working Plans

Previously: Exiled reality-twisting alien Joey Z is on trial for the genocide of the Shee-Yar race (even though he didn’t actually do it). See Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child, Visionary and the Hooded Hood, part 4 by L!, #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood.

Yo has rescued the Land That Common Sense Forgot from Comic-Book Limbo but needs somewhere to park it.

The Juniors have been kidnapped by the Void Scholar.

Oh, and the Lair Legion faces nuclear destruction at the hands of the Hero Feeders that have replaced the entire population of Earth.

Previous Chapters
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom
Who's Who in the Parodyverse


***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court will rise.” Somewhere in a vast interdimensional judiciary where matters of cosmic law were examined a collection of beings tasked with arbitrating the rules of the Parodyverse came to their feet (or whatever else they stood on). At the bar the Naicluvian exile Joey Z looked around him with alarm.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, what about the rest of my defence?” he objected.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, what about the rest of his defence?” demanded Arnie J. Armbruster, his attorney. “I was counting on weeks of fees for this.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everything that needs to be said has been said,” replied Judge Wah P’Nar from the bench. “We have heard of the evidence from Auditor Noseous Org and his team. An entire civilisation has been eradicated, and this genocide was signed by the perpetrator.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, I’ve confessed to the pistachio ice-cream thing but I never killed the Shee-Yar!” shouted Joey. “I’ve been framed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are very few entities capable of murdering an empire like the Shee-Yar Imperium,” Wah P’Nar noted. “We have heard testimony from Exu, a god of murder, that you are one of them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But there are others it could have been,” objected Arnie. “We should call all of them and cross-examine them. At length. On the meter.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Furthermore, we have received accounts of your attempts to cover up your crimes by erasing the population of Sol III,” went on the judge.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, about that,” worried Snookie, Arnie’s secretary. “Is there any chance you could do some cosmic stuff and get my mom and dad back? Please?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t erase Earth,” Joey Z denied. “I’d hardly started playing with it yet!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Come on!” urged Snookie. “At least tell me where I can get an application form!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The evidence is incontrovertible,” sniffed Noseous Org. “A confession written in the blood of the Shee-Yar Emperor: JOEY Z DID THIS SO THERE!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a second opinion,” argued Arnie. “And a third. And a retrial. And a book deal. With movie rights.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a drink,” sighed Snookie. “With an umbrella in it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a new legal team,” demanded Joey Z.

    Justice Wah P’Nar intervened. “The evidence has been examined for cosmic spoor and psychic imprints and every indicator suggests that the prisoner at the bar perpetrated this crime. Evidence has been laid before this court and it will now be evaluated. I am ready to pass judgement.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Balderdash!”

    The court turned as a red-faced old gentleman with side-whiskers stalked into the room, shouting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sir Mumphrey Wilton, you have already given your evidence,” Noseous Org snarled. “Unhelpfully.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be quiet you blathering pipsqueak,” commanded the keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity. “The grown-ups are talkin’. Anyhow, I’ve brought along an expert witness.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening,” said the Hooded Hood.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Urp,” said Snookie. “Arnie… is that…?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Alan Rickman!” gasped the attorney-at-law.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The cowled crime czar!” gasped Org. “We have an infraction file on him that takes up several planets! We should summon the Enforcers and…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be silent,” commanded the tall man in the grey robes and heavy cowl. “The Hooded Hood will speak.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the third person, apparently,” muttered Snookie.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Hooded who?” asked Joey Z.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court recognises the Hooded Hood,” proclaimed Wah P’Nar.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Although the prisoner at the bar doesn’t,” noted Joey. “I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Aw, that just means you haven’t spotted how he’s manipulated you for years yet advised Snookie. “Um, wasn’t he supposed to be dead or something?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not seen him?” argued Arnie. “Didn’t you watch Harry Potter? GalaxyQuest?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have been deceived,” announced the Hooded Hood, staring round the infinite courtroom. “The Naicluvian has indeed been set up for this crime, and you have focussed this court’s attention upon a trivial matter while cosmic crimes have been committed as you were distracted. The Void Scholar seeks to rewrite all reality and has now sealed Earth from even your interventions. Meanwhile you have been misled by a mere mischievous ploy.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Has he been sworn in yet?” demanded Noseous Org. “I don’t think so!”

    Arnie accidentally punched Org in the gonads. His fist slipped. Three times.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Better listen to the Hooded bounder,” Sir Mumphrey advised the court. “You’re goin’ to be needing his help, dammit, and right now I can’t think of a deuced thing we could do to stop what’s happenin’ without it.” He glared at the archvillain. “Doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you, Sir Mumphrey,” intoned the Hood in formal Latvian tones. “Now if I may just clear up this confusion regarding the alien Joey Z…?” he gestured, summoning the Portal of Pretentiousness which could show all times and places.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is an elder artefact,” realised Justice Wah P’Nar. “Do you have a licence for it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Am I not… the Hooded Hood?”

    Noseous Org whimpered in a heap on the floor.

    The Portal’s silver glass flickered, reflecting mirrored images of the devastated Shee-Yar throneroom. Emperor K’Ben lay slaughtered atop a heap of his courtiers.

    An extradimensional imp popped in to borrow his blood to write an incriminating message on the wall beside the corpses then blinked out again to watch the subsequent courtroom drama on TV.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” breathed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Dashed interferin’ nuisance of an oik that caused that Follies of Youth nonsense. So he’s back to his old tricks, is he?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp?” demanded Joey Z, rising from his stool. “Eddie the Imp? I was framed by somebody called Eddie the Imp?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is an extradimensional meddler with a media fixation and too much time on his hands,” observed the Hooded Hood. “He also has a somewhat outré sense of humour.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” screamed Joey Z.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can also do damned near anything,” observed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Especially in his native dimension.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh really?” snarled Joey. “Can he breathe after I’ve ripped his lungs out of his backside? He wants funny jokes I’ll give him funny jokes!” The Naicluvian exile broke out of his handcuffs, tossed them over to Arnie, blew a kiss at Snookie, gave Justice Wah P’Nar a formal curtsey, the dropped between dimensions to hunt down a certain imp.

    This meant war.

    The Hooded Hood looked satisfied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now to the real reason we dropped by, gentlemen,” Mumph told the courtroom briskly.

***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Status report!” Hatman demanded, staring at the monitors that showed an incoming nuclear arsenal.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty-two incoming warheads, all on different trajectories,” supplied Miss Framlicker, trying to keep the sick horror out of her voice.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Planetary population removed and replaced with Space Fandoms,” Amy Aston added. “Six billion humans plus a lot of other animals.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And all of them trying to kill us,” muttered Visionary. “Why are all my days like this?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Space Fandoms infiltratin’ th’ Manson th’ noo,” added Sergeant MacHarridan, who’d just secured the creatures that had replaced Cody and Kara Harper. “Mawthering auchidroit murrains th pack’o’em!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And the villain has captured the Juniors,” barked Glory.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Warhead impact in two minutes,” Miss F added to the list.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tactical recommendations,” Hatman called to Yuki Shiro.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They’ve seen our tactical simulations,” the cyborg P.I. warned. “Whatever we do has to be something we’ve not thought of before.”

    Hatman nodded. “Right. So the plan where the Shoggoth absorbs incoming missiles in strange dimensions…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Those warheads have been protected,” Marie Murcheson warned. The Lair Banshee could sense such things. “Strange five-pointed symbols that seem to go on forever and ever.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Elder signs,” recognised the Librarian. “They can bind the Shoggoth’s dimensions then kill him.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was recently dimensionally bounded,” the Shoggoth shuddered. “I didn’t enjoy it. Those dimensions really rode up.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,” said CFSB!, “so we need a new plan and fast.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Right.” Hatman pointed at Nats. “Bill, you weren’t here when we redid the tactical assessments last time. The plans don’t account for you.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What does?” sighed Miss Framlicker.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can’t telekinetically deflect thirty missiles,” Bill Reed objected. “One, maybe, if I could match the trajectory…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sixty seconds.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sixty seconds?” Silicone Sally echoed Miss F’s countdown. “Come on, guys. We have to do something. We have to get out of here! You heard Reed. He can’t stop the bombs.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t need you to stop the bombs, Bill,” Hatman assured Nats. “Just to break those elder signs. Then…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then I will be able to absorb them in other dimensions that you humans don’t even keep as spares,” agreed the Shoggoth.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have virtually no chance of doing that either!” Nats warned.

    Dancer leaped into his arms. “Now you do,” she grinned. “Try not to drop me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Meanwhile,” interjected Yuki as Nats scrambled to take to the air, “we need some breathing time. Hallie, are your hologram generators back online?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure,” agreed the Mansion’s resident A.I. “What were you thinking?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m thinking we need to have a really big nuclear disaster to give us ten minutes breathing space,” Yuki grinned.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ooh, yeah,” enthused CSFB!, catching on to the trick fast. “Over-ride all the world’ sensor satellites, project a really big hologram…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And it looks like we’ve all gone boom when we’re actually sitting pretty,” realised Champagne. “Then we have time to calculate a counteroffensive without further interference. Not bad!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can’t project that far without the Movie Gun!” Hallie objected.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty seconds.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty seconds!” wailed Sally. “What can we do in thirty seconds?”

    Flapjack suggested options. She hit him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And don’t think I’m bandaging that,” warned the Night Nurse.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Al?” prompted Hatty.

    The archscientist was already scribbling with chalk on computer panel. “Dream’s Gawker Goggles and Wowie-Zowie Walkie Talkie amplified through Hatman’s Stephen Spielberg cap,” he said without looking up from his equations. “Patch it though some Shoggoth-goo for a fudge factor.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Would that work?” worried Vinnie de Soth. “What would blow up? How much of me would blow up?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Relax,” laughed CSFB! “We do this stuff all the time.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They really do,” admitted Uhuna apologetically.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Fifteen seconds.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I might not get all these details right,” Hallie warned, taking a virtual deep breath.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Performance art is always like that,” Vizh assured her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Bombs impacting in nine, eight, seven, six…”

    Hatman pulled on his Spielberg cap. “Showtime!”

***


    The grand council of Plxtrazar wasn’t grand and it didn’t stand on ceremony. That was mostly because the district delegates had all been recently elected from those that had led their people’s resistance during the breakdown of law and order when their planet had been prey to galactic pirates and slavers with no means of defence. Such survivors tended to be practical, hard to con, and liable to shoot people they didn’t trust. They were short grand council meetings.

    Yo, Anna, and Lisa were waiting at the doorway of the newly rebuilt grand council chamber as Vaahir of Viigo and Shazana Pel emerged . “Well?” demanded first lady of the Lair Legion, “did they go for it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were most impressed by your presentation,” admitted Pel.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everyone is impressed by her presentation,” smirked Vaahir. “I know I was persuaded.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But Yo is thinking maybe they agreed to be doing of Yo’s proposal?” Yo checked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, I suppose they could have gone for Yo’s version of the proposal as well,” conceded Lisa. “Though mine had a better cardio-vascular plan.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were torn,” Vaahir reported. “On the one hand, the southern continents of Plxtragar are uninhabitable radioactive wasteland now. To replace them with the disconnected stitchlands you saved from Comic-Book Limbo would solve a major health danger, offer vast new resources and a much-needed population boost. On the other hand there is still much danger and mystery in those realms.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nothing is without risk,” noted Anna. “I am quickly learning that. But the greater the risk the greater the possible gains.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So spill, Vaahir,” prompted Lisa. “Do we have somewhere to adopt the Lands That Common Sense Forgot or not?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yo is not being able to be sustaining of whole countries in Happy Place for much longer,” Yo warned, “even with help of many Yo-friends from Yo-planet and with Rabito and Rabito-friends.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were divided,” Pel said, “but then the Founder of the New Galactic Commonwealth spoke up. That’s the confederacy of almost a hundred worlds that were damaged in the Parody War, a mutual defence alliance that Plxtragar and Caph have joined.”

    This was the first Lisa had heard of such an alliance. “A New Galactic Commonwealth?” she frowned. “A new power rising from the ruins of the Parody War? I thought those Trade Alliance people were problem enough.”

    Vaahir smiled. “Well, the Founder did speak up for your proposal, and he convinced the council to say yes.”

    Anna looked relieved. She was monitoring Yo’s vital signs and knew the strain that the thought being was under keeping whole nations safe by his/her will alone.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmph,” Lisa said as Yo did a little happy jig. “I suppose I should thank this Founder then, at least before I find out he’s the newest villain on the block and needs taking out before he conquers the Parodyverse.”

    More of the delegates were emerging from the grand council chamber. Lisa was surprised that one of them was Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Good evening, Miss Waltz. I can assure you that the Founder isn’t the newest villain on the block.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mumphrey? You?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not him,” said Pel, scornfully. She pointed at the next figure to emerge. “Him.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening, Lisa,” said the Hooded Hood. “Good evening Yo and Anna.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You were right about him needing taking out before he conquers the Parodyverse though,” muttered Mumph.

***



    The nuclear plume rose over Paradopolis, leaving devastation in its wake.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very nice,” admitted Flapjack. “I especially like how you’ve done the crispy bits.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Shut up,” growled Hallie, currently running on her green wire-frame image. “Those silhouettes take a lot of rendering.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is good,” admitted Vinnie de Soth. “There was a moment there where I thought maybe we were about to die in a nuclear holocaust.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We might have,” admitted Dancer, reappearing with Nats and a stuffed-looking Shoggoth, “If Jay hadn’t thought to use the assets the Void Scholar hadn’t included in his calculations.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know I’m impressed,” admitted Grace O’Mercy, who’d dated Jay once. She blushed and looked away.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, it’s great that Uhuna and I got zapped to hell so we could come back so really usefully,” Nats noted rather bitterly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But we are back,” the Princess of the Abhumans comforted him. “And with no side effects but a little residual soreness – in a good way.”

    Vinnie De Soth was about to say something about that when his mobile rang. He hit Speak and then held the phone away from his ear. “It’s Salieri Meng, the seventh-smartest boy genius on the planet. He says did we just die in a nuclear holocaust, because otherwise his mother and the rest of the planet’s been replaced by Space Fandoms with lethal intent.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, we know that,” Yuki advised him. “Tell him right now he’s the smartest boy genius on the planet so he should enjoy the league table bump while he can.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ask him if he knows how to track the Juniors,” Vizh insisted. “They’ve got to be our next priority.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Getting rid of the Space Fandoms is our next priority,” Al B. Harper insisted, looking up from his chalking. “Those great dimensional pits have changed local spacetime so that the Fandoms stay here and the humans are kept in Limbo. We have to reverse that before the Hero Feeders catch the scent of Earthman.” He checked his scrawl. “But without Cody and Kara I don’t have the time to decode all of this.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s the materials that Dr Blargelslarch and Urthula got from the lighthouse,” Champagne noted. “The stuff that Marie and I found and left for them. The Juniors are linked to the Lighthouse in a small way. Could that help?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good thinking,” admitted the Shoggoth. “Most unlike a human. But if that annoying Void Scholar who has co-ordinated this is hiding his realm it will be like looking for a p;trk’lokh in a rugose snarriarch.”

    Only Vinnie got the reference and winced.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can do things with that probability,” offered Dancer. “In fact, since that Scholar’s kidnapped my little sister, I’m going to do something about the probability.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So what can we do to stop a world full or Hero Feeders attacking us and trashing the planet?” demanded Hatman. “Ideas?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We had a way to turn off all the Space Fandoms, shut them down,” Amy admitted, “but that was when we had a sample to work with and co-ordinates from the kids.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We hae the Fandoms what replaced them doon in th’ cellars,” Sergeant MacHarridan pointed out. “Could we nae use them beasties as a sample?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They also have the powers of Cody and Kara” barked Glory, “if only we could convince them to use them!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m pretty sure I could convince them,” offered Silicone Sally.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We don’t need Cody and Kara if I could just get one fix on the Void Scholar’s realm,” scowled Al B. Harper. “Just one reference, one pinprick.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve got the Library systems scanning the planet,” the Librarian promised. “If the Void Scholar has any books in his realm and opens a portal for even a fraction of a second we’ll know it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And a guy who calls himself the Void Scholar’s got to have a volume or two,” agreed Yuki.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the meantime we need to deal with the Invasion of the Booty Snatchers,” argued CSFB! “Can I go to the helicarrier and kick bad guy butt? Huh? Can I?”

***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay you yahoos, we got us an infestation of snot-lickin’ rump-crawlin’ Earth-stealing creep-bozos an it’s time fer the home team to take names and kick some butt! Wah-hoo!”

    Chad turned to Ronnie for translation.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It means there are some of those Hero Feeders shooting at us, I guess,” Ronnie shrugged. “I think that’s Popeye talk. After all, Dan Drury only has one eye.”

    Chad gestured to enquire whether they should buy Drury a pipe and some spinach.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think he’d prefer we fire back at the people trying to kill us,” Ronnie suggested. “Didn’t we have rifles or something somewhere?”

    Chad shrugged and made sure Little Cat was out of the firing line.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This way!” called Natalia Romanza, superspy. “I’ll cover Drury’s butt. You just go somewhere that you won’t hurt yourselves.”

    Chad consulted with Ronnie.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re right,” agreed Ronnie. “Why would we listen to a Hero Feeder pretending to be a lady on our side?”

    Chad pushed the taser into Natalia. A Hero Feeder spasmed to the ground.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why would they lick snot though?” puzzled Ronnie. “That makes no sense at all to me.”

    The battle for the helicarrier continued.

***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There it is!” shouted the Librarian, uncharacteristically loudly for a man who usually moved with very little sound. He had every reason to get excited.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“A pulse of portal activity between the Void Scholar’s home and Earth!” agreed Al B., punching in co-ordinated and hurling the data module across to Amy to wire in.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That was lucky,” admitted Miss Framlicker with a glance over to Dancer.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Somebody’s getting the bad luck later,” promised Sarah Shepherdson. “About when I catch up with the Void Scholar.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can we track him now?” demanded Vizh. “We need to find my students.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey guys,” Nats called in over the comm-line, “We’ve got quite a lot of SPUD-pretenders trying to take over the carrier and Dan Drury wah-hooing them down on the command deck. Dream, Yuki and I are going in. Can I say it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can say it,” sighed Hatman.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Lair Legion Line…” Nats called before Silicone Sally cut the line.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We can do it,” Al B. decided. “It’s a good job Miss F and Dr Wrichards did a lot of the early work and that we have those Arctic pit waveform readings from young Meng. Now we just need to insert a Space Fandom into the interface module.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d he happy tae insert an interface module up a Space Fandom,” offered Sergeant MacHarridan. The Detonator Hippo didn’t like his island being attacked. He bundled forward the shackled alien that had impersonated Kerry Shepherdson. Now it looked like a wrinkled grey Mick Jagger with bat wings for arms.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You humans have no idea what you are facing,” the Feeder cackled. “You think you can prevail, but the future already belongs to the master!”

    Grace and Uhuna exchanged glances. “No, it’s not good villain banter,” Uhuna judged. “Not when you’ve heard declamations from the Hooded Hood. I’m not saying it’s Morbido bad but…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re the Lair Legion,” Hatman told the Fandom. “We’re saving the future.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have no idea…!” the Space Fandom ranted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re full of ideas,” Al B. pointed out. “Ideas R us.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But mostly we’re running out of time,” pointed out Champagne. “Look, the first Fandoms are starting to question Hallie’s hologram. They’ve probably noticed that she missed out the ultraviolet scarring and that none of her corpses have navels.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Damn!” spat Hallie. “That’s such a basic rookie error!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your world is doomed-oomed-oomed!” the Space Fandom persisted. “We shall strip it of its wealth and resources then destroy it so that my master may acquire the nexus of unrealities! He will peel back the mysteries of the Parodyverse and control the fundamental building blocks of all that is!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Or we could kick his butt,” snapped Vizh. “Let’s go, people!”

    Al B. slammed down the relay to the dimensional reversal transfer grid.

    Nine thousand billion Space Fandoms exploded.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?” gasped Al.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Didn’t I mention that there was still a barrier in place stopping them being sent back home?” said Miss Framlicker vengefully. “oops.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“People aren’t coming back!” objected Grace O’ Mercy. “Why aren’t people coming back.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because the Void Scholar’s still holding them in Comic-Book Limbo,” the Shoggoth replied. “We can’t save them until he stops doing that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well that sounds like a plan,” approved Hatman. “Dream, Jay, Yuki, get back here. We’re going visiting.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Isn’t the Void Scholar likely to know were coming now we’ve just pulped his Space Fandoms in a really, really gross way?” Champagne checked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I hope so,” Visionary said, cracking his knuckles.

***


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So you’re heading off to the unknown, against an all-powerful foe who may already have won, to rescue six billion humans and their pets, using a dimensional transfer device that is steaming so badly you’re cooling it down using Mumphrey Wilton’s tea,” summarised Silicone Sally.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah. Welcome to the Legion,” beamed CrazySugarFreakBoy!

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Over my dead body,” Sally began to say, then shut up.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do be careful, Bill,” Uhuna told her ex-boyfriend Nats. “I may want to have sex with you at some point in the future.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everybody take care,” Hallie told the Legion. “We’ll somehow try to hold the fort on the lonely planet here while you’re gone.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m setting up a sweep to see if I can reach Lara and Liu Xi,” Flapjack reported. “Hey, we can’t start thinking about repopulating the Earth too soon, you know.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve tied in the co-ordinates that the Library picked up when the Void Scholar reached into our reality for an instant,” the Librarian reported. “It looks like our end of the link was Danny Lyle’s apartment.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And there’s another problem we’re going to have to resolve,” breathed Hatman. “Everybody ready?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” said Champagne. “Explain why I volunteered for this again?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Could be a hoot,” pointed out Sally. “Or, you know, sudden death.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why else be on the Legion?” challenged Yuki Shiro.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d like to point out that I am so not…” Champagne began; but then the roar of dimensional engines and the sound of exploding machinery drowned her out.

    Amy doused small fires while Miss Framicker doused her hair. “I thought that one went pretty smoothly,” noted the EEE engineer.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And there they go,” said Grace O’Mercy, “Earth’s last hope of saving the future.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” said the Hooded Hood, appearing from the shadows. “There is another.”
    
***


To be concluded…

***


Previous Chapters:

#1: “And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse?” by Dancer
#2: "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!" by Visionary
#3: That’s the Way the Story Goes by the Hooded Hood
#4: See No Evil by the Hooded Hood

#5: Whodunnit by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason
#6: Suspicious Behaviour by the Hooded Hood, Jason, Hatman, and CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#7: Accusation and Denial by the Hooded Hood, JJJ, Jason and L!
#8: The Final Solution by the Hooded Hood and Dancer
#9: The Land That Common Sense Forgot by the Hooded Hood

#9.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#9.2: Chad and Ronnie by L!
#9.3: “In addition to cappuccino and personal hygiene these tribespeople have not yet invented underwear.” by Dancer
#9.4: Lone Lost Boy & Heroines Hanging Together by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#9.5: From Dross into Gold by Killer Shrike
#9.6: Old Friends and New Allies by Visionary
#9.7: Taking a Swim by L!
#9.8: A Post-Swim Chat by L!
#9.9: Champagne and the Land That Common Sense Forgot by Champagne

#10: The Age of Villains by the Hooded Hood

#10.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.2: The Baroness #55 by JJJ
#10.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.4: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 1 by Killer Shrike
#10.5: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 2 by Killer Shrike

#11: An Age Undreamed Of by the Hooded Hood

#12: The New Lair Legions (And Other Heroes) by the Hooded Hood

#12.1: I Hate You by Visionary
#12.2: Champagne and the Tower of Laments by Champagne
#12.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#12.4: The Hearing by Visionary
#12.5: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason

#13: Exploring the Forbidden Valley, or Samantha Featherstone and the Crystal Goddess by the Hooded Hood

#14: Real Heroes by the Hooded Hood

#14.1: “I’d like to be clear that I’m a no-skewer zone, and have been since college.” by Dancer
#14.2: Catherine & the Danger Zone by L!
#14.3: “Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on?” by Visionary
#14.4: “Well we can’t just wait here till we find a use for Visionary. We’ll starve to death.” by Dancer

#15: Change and Decay by the Hooded Hood

#15.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#15.2: Hazardous Chemicals by Killer Shrike

#16: One Moment In Time by the Hooded Hood
#17: Slaves of the Brain Eaters, Thralls of the Blood-Drinkers by the Hooded Hood
#18: Now Get Out Of That by the Hooded Hood

#18.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.3 Crossing Lines by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.4 Shooting You With My Smile by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.5: Funeral For a Friend by L!
#18.6: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.7 Playing Both Ends by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.8: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.9: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.10: Valued Employee by Visionary

#19: Probable Cause by the Hooded Hood
#20: Good Intentions by the Hooded Hood

#20.1: Very Special Guest Star by Hatman

#21: Points of View by the Hooded Hood
#22: Plot Points by the Hooded Hood

#22.1: Potholes In Memory Lane by Visionary
#22.2: Dancer’s Saving the Future Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special: “I’m pretty sure there’s two tongues involved in that. That is serious stunt kissing.” by Dancer
#22.3: Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special #2: "Don't get me started on how recursive the title and storyline is getting". by the Manga Shoggoth
#22.4: Potholes In Memory Lane Continues by Visionary
#22.5: Potholes In Memory Lane: You Can Call Him Al by Visionary
#22.7: Bridging the Gap by Jason
#22.8: Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child and the Hooded Hood
#22.9: Oh That Joey Z! part 4 by L!
#22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood
#22.11: Locks by Rhiannon
#22.12: Shining by Dancer
#22.13: Hard Knocks by Killer Shrike
#22.14 A Groovy Gal’s Upcoming Upgrade by CrazySugarFreakBoy!

#23: Don’t Give Up Now, It’s the Blockbuster Summer Action Episode by the Hooded Hood
#24: There Can Be Only One by the Hooded Hood

#24.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#24.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#24.3: Chad & Ronnie vs the World by L!
#24.5: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 1 by L!
#24.6: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 2 by L!

#24.7: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 3 by L!
#24.8: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Conclusion by L!

#25: Invasion of the Booty Snatchers by the Hooded Hood

#25.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#25.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason

#26: The Long and Winding Gloat by the Hooded Hood

***


Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.






Rhiannon



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

>
Saving the Future – Part 27: Working Plans
>
> Previously: Exiled reality-twisting alien Joey Z is on trial for the genocide of the Shee-Yar race (even though he didn’t actually do it). See Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child, Visionary and the Hooded Hood, part 4 by L!, #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood.
>
> Yo has rescued the Land That Common Sense Forgot from Comic-Book Limbo but needs somewhere to park it.
>
> The Juniors have been kidnapped by the Void Scholar.
>
> Oh, and the Lair Legion faces nuclear destruction at the hands of the Hero Feeders that have replaced the entire population of Earth.
>
> Previous Chapters
> The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom
> Who's Who in the Parodyverse

>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court will rise.” Somewhere in a vast interdimensional judiciary where matters of cosmic law were examined a collection of beings tasked with arbitrating the rules of the Parodyverse came to their feet (or whatever else they stood on). At the bar the Naicluvian exile Joey Z looked around him with alarm.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, what about the rest of my defence?” he objected.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, what about the rest of his defence?” demanded Arnie J. Armbruster, his attorney. “I was counting on weeks of fees for this.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everything that needs to be said has been said,” replied Judge Wah P’Nar from the bench. “We have heard of the evidence from Auditor Noseous Org and his team. An entire civilisation has been eradicated, and this genocide was signed by the perpetrator.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, I’ve confessed to the pistachio ice-cream thing but I never killed the Shee-Yar!” shouted Joey. “I’ve been framed.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are very few entities capable of murdering an empire like the Shee-Yar Imperium,” Wah P’Nar noted. “We have heard testimony from Exu, a god of murder, that you are one of them.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But there are others it could have been,” objected Arnie. “We should call all of them and cross-examine them. At length. On the meter.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Furthermore, we have received accounts of your attempts to cover up your crimes by erasing the population of Sol III,” went on the judge.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, about that,” worried Snookie, Arnie’s secretary. “Is there any chance you could do some cosmic stuff and get my mom and dad back? Please?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t erase Earth,” Joey Z denied. “I’d hardly started playing with it yet!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Come on!” urged Snookie. “At least tell me where I can get an application form!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The evidence is incontrovertible,” sniffed Noseous Org. “A confession written in the blood of the Shee-Yar Emperor: JOEY Z DID THIS SO THERE!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a second opinion,” argued Arnie. “And a third. And a retrial. And a book deal. With movie rights.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a drink,” sighed Snookie. “With an umbrella in it.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want a new legal team,” demanded Joey Z.
>
>     Justice Wah P’Nar intervened. “The evidence has been examined for cosmic spoor and psychic imprints and every indicator suggests that the prisoner at the bar perpetrated this crime. Evidence has been laid before this court and it will now be evaluated. I am ready to pass judgement.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Balderdash!”
>
>     The court turned as a red-faced old gentleman with side-whiskers stalked into the room, shouting.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sir Mumphrey Wilton, you have already given your evidence,” Noseous Org snarled. “Unhelpfully.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be quiet you blathering pipsqueak,” commanded the keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity. “The grown-ups are talkin’. Anyhow, I’ve brought along an expert witness.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening,” said the Hooded Hood.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Urp,” said Snookie. “Arnie… is that…?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Alan Rickman!” gasped the attorney-at-law.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The cowled crime czar!” gasped Org. “We have an infraction file on him that takes up several planets! We should summon the Enforcers and…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Be silent,” commanded the tall man in the grey robes and heavy cowl. “The Hooded Hood will speak.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the third person, apparently,” muttered Snookie.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Hooded who?” asked Joey Z.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The court recognises the Hooded Hood,” proclaimed Wah P’Nar.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Although the prisoner at the bar doesn’t,” noted Joey. “I’ve never seen this guy before in my life.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Aw, that just means you haven’t spotted how he’s manipulated you for years yet advised Snookie. “Um, wasn’t he supposed to be dead or something?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not seen him?” argued Arnie. “Didn’t you watch Harry Potter? GalaxyQuest?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have been deceived,” announced the Hooded Hood, staring round the infinite courtroom. “The Naicluvian has indeed been set up for this crime, and you have focussed this court’s attention upon a trivial matter while cosmic crimes have been committed as you were distracted. The Void Scholar seeks to rewrite all reality and has now sealed Earth from even your interventions. Meanwhile you have been misled by a mere mischievous ploy.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Has he been sworn in yet?” demanded Noseous Org. “I don’t think so!”
>
>     Arnie accidentally punched Org in the gonads. His fist slipped. Three times.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Better listen to the Hooded bounder,” Sir Mumphrey advised the court. “You’re goin’ to be needing his help, dammit, and right now I can’t think of a deuced thing we could do to stop what’s happenin’ without it.” He glared at the archvillain. “Doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you, Sir Mumphrey,” intoned the Hood in formal Latvian tones. “Now if I may just clear up this confusion regarding the alien Joey Z…?” he gestured, summoning the Portal of Pretentiousness which could show all times and places.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is an elder artefact,” realised Justice Wah P’Nar. “Do you have a licence for it?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Am I not… the Hooded Hood?”
>
>     Noseous Org whimpered in a heap on the floor.
>
>     The Portal’s silver glass flickered, reflecting mirrored images of the devastated Shee-Yar throneroom. Emperor K’Ben lay slaughtered atop a heap of his courtiers.
>
>     An extradimensional imp popped in to borrow his blood to write an incriminating message on the wall beside the corpses then blinked out again to watch the subsequent courtroom drama on TV.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” breathed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Dashed interferin’ nuisance of an oik that caused that Follies of Youth nonsense. So he’s back to his old tricks, is he?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp?” demanded Joey Z, rising from his stool. “Eddie the Imp? I was framed by somebody called Eddie the Imp?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is an extradimensional meddler with a media fixation and too much time on his hands,” observed the Hooded Hood. “He also has a somewhat outré sense of humour.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eddie the Imp!” screamed Joey Z.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can also do damned near anything,” observed Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Especially in his native dimension.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh really?” snarled Joey. “Can he breathe after I’ve ripped his lungs out of his backside? He wants funny jokes I’ll give him funny jokes!” The Naicluvian exile broke out of his handcuffs, tossed them over to Arnie, blew a kiss at Snookie, gave Justice Wah P’Nar a formal curtsey, the dropped between dimensions to hunt down a certain imp.
>
>     This meant war.
>
>     The Hooded Hood looked satisfied.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now to the real reason we dropped by, gentlemen,” Mumph told the courtroom briskly.
>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Status report!” Hatman demanded, staring at the monitors that showed an incoming nuclear arsenal.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty-two incoming warheads, all on different trajectories,” supplied Miss Framlicker, trying to keep the sick horror out of her voice.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Planetary population removed and replaced with Space Fandoms,” Amy Aston added. “Six billion humans plus a lot of other animals.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And all of them trying to kill us,” muttered Visionary. “Why are all my days like this?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Space Fandoms infiltratin’ th’ Manson th’ noo,” added Sergeant MacHarridan, who’d just secured the creatures that had replaced Cody and Kara Harper. “Mawthering auchidroit murrains th pack’o’em!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And the villain has captured the Juniors,” barked Glory.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Warhead impact in two minutes,” Miss F added to the list.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tactical recommendations,” Hatman called to Yuki Shiro.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They’ve seen our tactical simulations,” the cyborg P.I. warned. “Whatever we do has to be something we’ve not thought of before.”
>
>     Hatman nodded. “Right. So the plan where the Shoggoth absorbs incoming missiles in strange dimensions…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Those warheads have been protected,” Marie Murcheson warned. The Lair Banshee could sense such things. “Strange five-pointed symbols that seem to go on forever and ever.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Elder signs,” recognised the Librarian. “They can bind the Shoggoth’s dimensions then kill him.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was recently dimensionally bounded,” the Shoggoth shuddered. “I didn’t enjoy it. Those dimensions really rode up.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,” said CFSB!, “so we need a new plan and fast.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Right.” Hatman pointed at Nats. “Bill, you weren’t here when we redid the tactical assessments last time. The plans don’t account for you.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What does?” sighed Miss Framlicker.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can’t telekinetically deflect thirty missiles,” Bill Reed objected. “One, maybe, if I could match the trajectory…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sixty seconds.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sixty seconds?” Silicone Sally echoed Miss F’s countdown. “Come on, guys. We have to do something. We have to get out of here! You heard Reed. He can’t stop the bombs.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t need you to stop the bombs, Bill,” Hatman assured Nats. “Just to break those elder signs. Then…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then I will be able to absorb them in other dimensions that you humans don’t even keep as spares,” agreed the Shoggoth.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have virtually no chance of doing that either!” Nats warned.
>
>     Dancer leaped into his arms. “Now you do,” she grinned. “Try not to drop me.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Meanwhile,” interjected Yuki as Nats scrambled to take to the air, “we need some breathing time. Hallie, are your hologram generators back online?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure,” agreed the Mansion’s resident A.I. “What were you thinking?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m thinking we need to have a really big nuclear disaster to give us ten minutes breathing space,” Yuki grinned.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ooh, yeah,” enthused CSFB!, catching on to the trick fast. “Over-ride all the world’ sensor satellites, project a really big hologram…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And it looks like we’ve all gone boom when we’re actually sitting pretty,” realised Champagne. “Then we have time to calculate a counteroffensive without further interference. Not bad!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can’t project that far without the Movie Gun!” Hallie objected.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty seconds.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty seconds!” wailed Sally. “What can we do in thirty seconds?”
>
>     Flapjack suggested options. She hit him.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And don’t think I’m bandaging that,” warned the Night Nurse.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Al?” prompted Hatty.
>
>     The archscientist was already scribbling with chalk on computer panel. “Dream’s Gawker Goggles and Wowie-Zowie Walkie Talkie amplified through Hatman’s Stephen Spielberg cap,” he said without looking up from his equations. “Patch it though some Shoggoth-goo for a fudge factor.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Would that work?” worried Vinnie de Soth. “What would blow up? How much of me would blow up?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Relax,” laughed CSFB! “We do this stuff all the time.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They really do,” admitted Uhuna apologetically.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Fifteen seconds.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I might not get all these details right,” Hallie warned, taking a virtual deep breath.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Performance art is always like that,” Vizh assured her.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Bombs impacting in nine, eight, seven, six…”
>
>     Hatman pulled on his Spielberg cap. “Showtime!”
>
>
***

>
>     The grand council of Plxtrazar wasn’t grand and it didn’t stand on ceremony. That was mostly because the district delegates had all been recently elected from those that had led their people’s resistance during the breakdown of law and order when their planet had been prey to galactic pirates and slavers with no means of defence. Such survivors tended to be practical, hard to con, and liable to shoot people they didn’t trust. They were short grand council meetings.
>
>     Yo, Anna, and Lisa were waiting at the doorway of the newly rebuilt grand council chamber as Vaahir of Viigo and Shazana Pel emerged . “Well?” demanded first lady of the Lair Legion, “did they go for it?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were most impressed by your presentation,” admitted Pel.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everyone is impressed by her presentation,” smirked Vaahir. “I know I was persuaded.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But Yo is thinking maybe they agreed to be doing of Yo’s proposal?” Yo checked.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, I suppose they could have gone for Yo’s version of the proposal as well,” conceded Lisa. “Though mine had a better cardio-vascular plan.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were torn,” Vaahir reported. “On the one hand, the southern continents of Plxtragar are uninhabitable radioactive wasteland now. To replace them with the disconnected stitchlands you saved from Comic-Book Limbo would solve a major health danger, offer vast new resources and a much-needed population boost. On the other hand there is still much danger and mystery in those realms.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nothing is without risk,” noted Anna. “I am quickly learning that. But the greater the risk the greater the possible gains.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So spill, Vaahir,” prompted Lisa. “Do we have somewhere to adopt the Lands That Common Sense Forgot or not?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yo is not being able to be sustaining of whole countries in Happy Place for much longer,” Yo warned, “even with help of many Yo-friends from Yo-planet and with Rabito and Rabito-friends.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They were divided,” Pel said, “but then the Founder of the New Galactic Commonwealth spoke up. That’s the confederacy of almost a hundred worlds that were damaged in the Parody War, a mutual defence alliance that Plxtragar and Caph have joined.”
>
>     This was the first Lisa had heard of such an alliance. “A New Galactic Commonwealth?” she frowned. “A new power rising from the ruins of the Parody War? I thought those Trade Alliance people were problem enough.”
>
>     Vaahir smiled. “Well, the Founder did speak up for your proposal, and he convinced the council to say yes.”
>
>     Anna looked relieved. She was monitoring Yo’s vital signs and knew the strain that the thought being was under keeping whole nations safe by his/her will alone.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmph,” Lisa said as Yo did a little happy jig. “I suppose I should thank this Founder then, at least before I find out he’s the newest villain on the block and needs taking out before he conquers the Parodyverse.”
>
>     More of the delegates were emerging from the grand council chamber. Lisa was surprised that one of them was Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Good evening, Miss Waltz. I can assure you that the Founder isn’t the newest villain on the block.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mumphrey? You?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not him,” said Pel, scornfully. She pointed at the next figure to emerge. “Him.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good evening, Lisa,” said the Hooded Hood. “Good evening Yo and Anna.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You were right about him needing taking out before he conquers the Parodyverse though,” muttered Mumph.
>
>
***

>
>
>     The nuclear plume rose over Paradopolis, leaving devastation in its wake.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very nice,” admitted Flapjack. “I especially like how you’ve done the crispy bits.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Shut up,” growled Hallie, currently running on her green wire-frame image. “Those silhouettes take a lot of rendering.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That is good,” admitted Vinnie de Soth. “There was a moment there where I thought maybe we were about to die in a nuclear holocaust.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We might have,” admitted Dancer, reappearing with Nats and a stuffed-looking Shoggoth, “If Jay hadn’t thought to use the assets the Void Scholar hadn’t included in his calculations.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know I’m impressed,” admitted Grace O’Mercy, who’d dated Jay once. She blushed and looked away.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, it’s great that Uhuna and I got zapped to hell so we could come back so really usefully,” Nats noted rather bitterly.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But we are back,” the Princess of the Abhumans comforted him. “And with no side effects but a little residual soreness – in a good way.”
>
>     Vinnie De Soth was about to say something about that when his mobile rang. He hit Speak and then held the phone away from his ear. “It’s Salieri Meng, the seventh-smartest boy genius on the planet. He says did we just die in a nuclear holocaust, because otherwise his mother and the rest of the planet’s been replaced by Space Fandoms with lethal intent.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, we know that,” Yuki advised him. “Tell him right now he’s the smartest boy genius on the planet so he should enjoy the league table bump while he can.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ask him if he knows how to track the Juniors,” Vizh insisted. “They’ve got to be our next priority.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Getting rid of the Space Fandoms is our next priority,” Al B. Harper insisted, looking up from his chalking. “Those great dimensional pits have changed local spacetime so that the Fandoms stay here and the humans are kept in Limbo. We have to reverse that before the Hero Feeders catch the scent of Earthman.” He checked his scrawl. “But without Cody and Kara I don’t have the time to decode all of this.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s the materials that Dr Blargelslarch and Urthula got from the lighthouse,” Champagne noted. “The stuff that Marie and I found and left for them. The Juniors are linked to the Lighthouse in a small way. Could that help?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good thinking,” admitted the Shoggoth. “Most unlike a human. But if that annoying Void Scholar who has co-ordinated this is hiding his realm it will be like looking for a p;trk’lokh in a rugose snarriarch.”
>
>     Only Vinnie got the reference and winced.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can do things with that probability,” offered Dancer. “In fact, since that Scholar’s kidnapped my little sister, I’m going to do something about the probability.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So what can we do to stop a world full or Hero Feeders attacking us and trashing the planet?” demanded Hatman. “Ideas?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We had a way to turn off all the Space Fandoms, shut them down,” Amy admitted, “but that was when we had a sample to work with and co-ordinates from the kids.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We hae the Fandoms what replaced them doon in th’ cellars,” Sergeant MacHarridan pointed out. “Could we nae use them beasties as a sample?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They also have the powers of Cody and Kara” barked Glory, “if only we could convince them to use them!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m pretty sure I could convince them,” offered Silicone Sally.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We don’t need Cody and Kara if I could just get one fix on the Void Scholar’s realm,” scowled Al B. Harper. “Just one reference, one pinprick.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve got the Library systems scanning the planet,” the Librarian promised. “If the Void Scholar has any books in his realm and opens a portal for even a fraction of a second we’ll know it.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And a guy who calls himself the Void Scholar’s got to have a volume or two,” agreed Yuki.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the meantime we need to deal with the Invasion of the Booty Snatchers,” argued CSFB! “Can I go to the helicarrier and kick bad guy butt? Huh? Can I?”
>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay you yahoos, we got us an infestation of snot-lickin’ rump-crawlin’ Earth-stealing creep-bozos an it’s time fer the home team to take names and kick some butt! Wah-hoo!”
>
>     Chad turned to Ronnie for translation.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It means there are some of those Hero Feeders shooting at us, I guess,” Ronnie shrugged. “I think that’s Popeye talk. After all, Dan Drury only has one eye.”
>
>     Chad gestured to enquire whether they should buy Drury a pipe and some spinach.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think he’d prefer we fire back at the people trying to kill us,” Ronnie suggested. “Didn’t we have rifles or something somewhere?”
>
>     Chad shrugged and made sure Little Cat was out of the firing line.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This way!” called Natalia Romanza, superspy. “I’ll cover Drury’s butt. You just go somewhere that you won’t hurt yourselves.”
>
>     Chad consulted with Ronnie.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re right,” agreed Ronnie. “Why would we listen to a Hero Feeder pretending to be a lady on our side?”
>
>     Chad pushed the taser into Natalia. A Hero Feeder spasmed to the ground.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why would they lick snot though?” puzzled Ronnie. “That makes no sense at all to me.”
>
>     The battle for the helicarrier continued.
>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There it is!” shouted the Librarian, uncharacteristically loudly for a man who usually moved with very little sound. He had every reason to get excited.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“A pulse of portal activity between the Void Scholar’s home and Earth!” agreed Al B., punching in co-ordinated and hurling the data module across to Amy to wire in.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That was lucky,” admitted Miss Framlicker with a glance over to Dancer.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Somebody’s getting the bad luck later,” promised Sarah Shepherdson. “About when I catch up with the Void Scholar.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can we track him now?” demanded Vizh. “We need to find my students.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey guys,” Nats called in over the comm-line, “We’ve got quite a lot of SPUD-pretenders trying to take over the carrier and Dan Drury wah-hooing them down on the command deck. Dream, Yuki and I are going in. Can I say it?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can say it,” sighed Hatman.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Lair Legion Line…” Nats called before Silicone Sally cut the line.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We can do it,” Al B. decided. “It’s a good job Miss F and Dr Wrichards did a lot of the early work and that we have those Arctic pit waveform readings from young Meng. Now we just need to insert a Space Fandom into the interface module.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d he happy tae insert an interface module up a Space Fandom,” offered Sergeant MacHarridan. The Detonator Hippo didn’t like his island being attacked. He bundled forward the shackled alien that had impersonated Kerry Shepherdson. Now it looked like a wrinkled grey Mick Jagger with bat wings for arms.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You humans have no idea what you are facing,” the Feeder cackled. “You think you can prevail, but the future already belongs to the master!”
>
>     Grace and Uhuna exchanged glances. “No, it’s not good villain banter,” Uhuna judged. “Not when you’ve heard declamations from the Hooded Hood. I’m not saying it’s Morbido bad but…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re the Lair Legion,” Hatman told the Fandom. “We’re saving the future.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have no idea…!” the Space Fandom ranted.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re full of ideas,” Al B. pointed out. “Ideas R us.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But mostly we’re running out of time,” pointed out Champagne. “Look, the first Fandoms are starting to question Hallie’s hologram. They’ve probably noticed that she missed out the ultraviolet scarring and that none of her corpses have navels.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Damn!” spat Hallie. “That’s such a basic rookie error!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your world is doomed-oomed-oomed!” the Space Fandom persisted. “We shall strip it of its wealth and resources then destroy it so that my master may acquire the nexus of unrealities! He will peel back the mysteries of the Parodyverse and control the fundamental building blocks of all that is!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Or we could kick his butt,” snapped Vizh. “Let’s go, people!”
>
>     Al B. slammed down the relay to the dimensional reversal transfer grid.
>
>     Nine thousand billion Space Fandoms exploded.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?” gasped Al.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Didn’t I mention that there was still a barrier in place stopping them being sent back home?” said Miss Framlicker vengefully. “oops.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“People aren’t coming back!” objected Grace O’ Mercy. “Why aren’t people coming back.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because the Void Scholar’s still holding them in Comic-Book Limbo,” the Shoggoth replied. “We can’t save them until he stops doing that.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well that sounds like a plan,” approved Hatman. “Dream, Jay, Yuki, get back here. We’re going visiting.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Isn’t the Void Scholar likely to know were coming now we’ve just pulped his Space Fandoms in a really, really gross way?” Champagne checked.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I hope so,” Visionary said, cracking his knuckles.
>
>
***

>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So you’re heading off to the unknown, against an all-powerful foe who may already have won, to rescue six billion humans and their pets, using a dimensional transfer device that is steaming so badly you’re cooling it down using Mumphrey Wilton’s tea,” summarised Silicone Sally.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah. Welcome to the Legion,” beamed CrazySugarFreakBoy!
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Over my dead body,” Sally began to say, then shut up.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do be careful, Bill,” Uhuna told her ex-boyfriend Nats. “I may want to have sex with you at some point in the future.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everybody take care,” Hallie told the Legion. “We’ll somehow try to hold the fort on the lonely planet here while you’re gone.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m setting up a sweep to see if I can reach Lara and Liu Xi,” Flapjack reported. “Hey, we can’t start thinking about repopulating the Earth too soon, you know.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve tied in the co-ordinates that the Library picked up when the Void Scholar reached into our reality for an instant,” the Librarian reported. “It looks like our end of the link was Danny Lyle’s apartment.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And there’s another problem we’re going to have to resolve,” breathed Hatman. “Everybody ready?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” said Champagne. “Explain why I volunteered for this again?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Could be a hoot,” pointed out Sally. “Or, you know, sudden death.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why else be on the Legion?” challenged Yuki Shiro.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d like to point out that I am so not…” Champagne began; but then the roar of dimensional engines and the sound of exploding machinery drowned her out.
>
>     Amy doused small fires while Miss Framicker doused her hair. “I thought that one went pretty smoothly,” noted the EEE engineer.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And there they go,” said Grace O’Mercy, “Earth’s last hope of saving the future.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” said the Hooded Hood, appearing from the shadows. “There is another.”
>     
>
***

>
> To be concluded…
>
>
***

>
> Previous Chapters:
>
> #1: “And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse?” by Dancer
> #2: "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!" by Visionary
> #3: That’s the Way the Story Goes by the Hooded Hood
> #4: See No Evil by the Hooded Hood
>
> #5: Whodunnit by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason
> #6: Suspicious Behaviour by the Hooded Hood, Jason, Hatman, and CrazySugarFreakBoy!
> #7: Accusation and Denial by the Hooded Hood, JJJ, Jason and L!
> #8: The Final Solution by the Hooded Hood and Dancer
> #9: The Land That Common Sense Forgot by the Hooded Hood
>
> #9.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #9.2: Chad and Ronnie by L!
> #9.3: “In addition to cappuccino and personal hygiene these tribespeople have not yet invented underwear.” by Dancer
> #9.4: Lone Lost Boy & Heroines Hanging Together by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
> #9.5: From Dross into Gold by Killer Shrike
> #9.6: Old Friends and New Allies by Visionary
> #9.7: Taking a Swim by L!
> #9.8: A Post-Swim Chat by L!
> #9.9: Champagne and the Land That Common Sense Forgot by Champagne
>
> #10: The Age of Villains by the Hooded Hood
>
> #10.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #10.2: The Baroness #55 by JJJ
> #10.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #10.4: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 1 by Killer Shrike
> #10.5: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 2 by Killer Shrike
>
> #11: An Age Undreamed Of by the Hooded Hood
>
> #12: The New Lair Legions (And Other Heroes) by the Hooded Hood
>
> #12.1: I Hate You by Visionary
> #12.2: Champagne and the Tower of Laments by Champagne
> #12.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #12.4: The Hearing by Visionary
> #12.5: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
>
> #13: Exploring the Forbidden Valley, or Samantha Featherstone and the Crystal Goddess by the Hooded Hood
>
> #14: Real Heroes by the Hooded Hood
>
> #14.1: “I’d like to be clear that I’m a no-skewer zone, and have been since college.” by Dancer
> #14.2: Catherine & the Danger Zone by L!
> #14.3: “Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on?” by Visionary
> #14.4: “Well we can’t just wait here till we find a use for Visionary. We’ll starve to death.” by Dancer
>
> #15: Change and Decay by the Hooded Hood
>
> #15.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #15.2: Hazardous Chemicals by Killer Shrike
>
> #16: One Moment In Time by the Hooded Hood
> #17: Slaves of the Brain Eaters, Thralls of the Blood-Drinkers by the Hooded Hood
> #18: Now Get Out Of That by the Hooded Hood
>
> #18.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #18.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #18.3 Crossing Lines by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
> #18.4 Shooting You With My Smile by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
> #18.5: Funeral For a Friend by L!
> #18.6: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #18.7 Playing Both Ends by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
> #18.8: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #18.9: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #18.10: Valued Employee by Visionary
>
> #19: Probable Cause by the Hooded Hood
> #20: Good Intentions by the Hooded Hood
>
> #20.1: Very Special Guest Star by Hatman
>
> #21: Points of View by the Hooded Hood
> #22: Plot Points by the Hooded Hood
>
> #22.1: Potholes In Memory Lane by Visionary
> #22.2: Dancer’s Saving the Future Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special: “I’m pretty sure there’s two tongues involved in that. That is serious stunt kissing.” by Dancer
> #22.3: Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special #2: "Don't get me started on how recursive the title and storyline is getting". by the Manga Shoggoth
> #22.4: Potholes In Memory Lane Continues by Visionary
> #22.5: Potholes In Memory Lane: You Can Call Him Al by Visionary
> #22.7: Bridging the Gap by Jason
> #22.8: Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child and the Hooded Hood
> #22.9: Oh That Joey Z! part 4 by L!
> #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood
> #22.11: Locks by Rhiannon
> #22.12: Shining by Dancer
> #22.13: Hard Knocks by Killer Shrike
> #22.14 A Groovy Gal’s Upcoming Upgrade by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
>
> #23: Don’t Give Up Now, It’s the Blockbuster Summer Action Episode by the Hooded Hood
> #24: There Can Be Only One by the Hooded Hood
>
> #24.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #24.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #24.3: Chad & Ronnie vs the World by L!
> #24.5: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 1 by L!
> #24.6: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 2 by L!
>
> #24.7: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 3 by L!
> #24.8: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Conclusion by L!
>
> #25: Invasion of the Booty Snatchers by the Hooded Hood
>
> #25.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
> #25.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
>
> #26: The Long and Winding Gloat by the Hooded Hood
>
>
***

>
> Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.

>






HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

> That way Arnie would have gotten more fees.

I guess he was spooked by the surroundings so he missed the chance.

> Alan Rickman is one of my favorite actors. I never pictured the Hooded Hood portrayed by him, but it works.

It's one possible casting choice from one of our many "Cast the LL" threads.




HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP





HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows XP

> That trial certainly took a turn I wasn't expecting.

Pleased to hear it.

Actually, it was the plot I'd had in mind from when I first contributed to the Joey Z thread. Joey and Eddie seem like natural adversaries.





Anime Jason 

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Anime Jason 

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> > That way Arnie would have gotten more fees.
>
> I guess he was spooked by the surroundings so he missed the chance.

Maybe he wasn't drunk enough.


> > Alan Rickman is one of my favorite actors. I never pictured the Hooded Hood portrayed by him, but it works.
>
> It's one possible casting choice from one of our many "Cast the LL" threads.

Noted.






CrazySugarFreakBoy!


Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,235

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L!


Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038

Posted with Apple Safari 3.1.2 on MacOS X

> > That trial certainly took a turn I wasn't expecting.
>
> Pleased to hear it.

I just didn't expect to see Eddie come up since I consider him a dead character. He died when "The Follies of Youth" got to him.

> Actually, it was the plot I'd had in mind from when I first contributed to the Joey Z thread. Joey and Eddie seem like natural adversaries.

Having them as adversaries is kind of funny since I created Eddie, Spaztic Chyld created Joey & I brought SC to the PV.




L!


Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038

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Visionary 

Moderator

Member Since: Sat Jan 03, 2004
Posts: 2,131

Posted with Mozilla Firefox 2.0.0.16 on Windows Vista


Nothing like the ability to make a plan from scratch while under an incoming nuclear missile deadline. I liked the combinations of powers that the team used to survive the unsurvivable, and take the fight to the villain. And I greatly enjoyed the side comments from some of the newer cast members as the Legion did what it does.

The galactic counsel bit went in some unexpected directions... I'm not sure what the Hood is up to (I rarely am) but it's fun to see him back in action, and with Mumph and Lisa especially.

Looking forward to see what comes next!






HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000

>





HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000




HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000

> I just didn't expect to see Eddie come up since I consider him a dead character. He died when "The Follies of Youth" got to him.

This could be Eddie from before that time, undead Eddie, or Eddie II the sequel.

> Having them as adversaries is kind of funny since I created Eddie, Spaztic Chyld created Joey & I brought SC to the PV.

That was in my mind when I wrote this. It also occurs that Eddie and Joey could theoretically battle with each other for centuries, or whenever SC wants to pick up the character again.





HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000

> Nothing like the ability to make a plan from scratch while under an incoming nuclear missile deadline.

This is the LL. They've been through stuff, and it's made them very good at what they do.

> I liked the combinations of powers that the team used to survive the unsurvivable, and take the fight to the villain. And I greatly enjoyed the side comments from some of the newer cast members as the Legion did what it does.

It was the best way to keep things scaled, I thought. Since this was basically a "you need to connect the dots between where we were and where we need to be for the finale" piece I had to find some way of keeping people's interest.

> The galactic counsel bit went in some unexpected directions... I'm not sure what the Hood is up to (I rarely am) but it's fun to see him back in action, and with Mumph and Lisa especially.

He's setting up a future storyline.

> Looking forward to see what comes next!

The end, I hope.




Anime Jason 

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L!


Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038

Posted with Apple Safari 3.1.2 on MacOS X

> > I just didn't expect to see Eddie come up since I consider him a dead character. He died when "The Follies of Youth" got to him.
>
> This could be Eddie from before that time, undead Eddie, or Eddie II the sequel.

I had an idea of who Eddie is/was but then "The Follies of Youth" happened & it was totally out of character. I tried to steer the character but on course but for it impossible so I gave up. I'm still a bit miffed that I didn't know he was going to be used before the story happened, I could gave notes/comments on what I was trying to do with him. But now It's pointless.

> > Having them as adversaries is kind of funny since I created Eddie, Spaztic Chyld created Joey & I brought SC to the PV.
>
> That was in my mind when I wrote this. It also occurs that Eddie and Joey could theoretically battle with each other for centuries, or whenever SC wants to pick up the character again.

True. But someone would have to tell him that.




HH



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000




HH was told it had mood, it had meaning.



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 on Windows 2000

> > > I just didn't expect to see Eddie come up since I consider him a dead character. He died when "The Follies of Youth" got to him.
> > This could be Eddie from before that time, undead Eddie, or Eddie II the sequel.
> I had an idea of who Eddie is/was but then "The Follies of Youth" happened & it was totally out of character. I tried to steer the character but on course but for it impossible so I gave up. I'm still a bit miffed that I didn't know he was going to be used before the story happened, I could gave notes/comments on what I was trying to do with him. But now It's pointless.

Fortunately that one wasn't one of mine. At last a snafu I don't have to feel guilty about.

> > > Having them as adversaries is kind of funny since I created Eddie, Spaztic Chyld created Joey & I brought SC to the PV.
> > That was in my mind when I wrote this. It also occurs that Eddie and Joey could theoretically battle with each other for centuries, or whenever SC wants to pick up the character again.
> True. But someone would have to tell him that.

Indeed.




Anime Jason 

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Al B. Harper



Posted with Microsoft Internet Explorer 7 on Windows XP

Good to see Grace again. Hope the Hood doesn't do anything too bad to her.

Al B.




CrazySugarFreakBoy!

thought it was nice to see Joey Z. and a certain lawyer tied into the proceedings

Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,235

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